@CozyGuy75 Unfortunately, you can’t wave a magic wand and remove the context. It is the internet and we are not at a cocktail party, so things are different—no people around, no face-to-face, etc. so I can see the need for a woman to need a bit more than “hi how are you let’s cuddle.” Even a serial killer can compose that line.
Yes, you are.
OMG @FunCartel yes a serial killer can say that line. But guess what, serial killers are much more likely to flower up their message. A psychopath is a great sales person and is much more likely to send a well thought out puff peace than the average Joe sending what many call a normal first line when meeting someone.
Second, People outside reading these threads might think the women are scared crapless wading through the shark infested waters of a bunch of rapist and molesting boundary pushers. And whereas I dont think woman should run with their eyes shut, I do not believe this population of men are as dangerous as portrayed in many posts.
@snuggleme123 I did not say this population is dangerous but you also do not know everyone outside a few casual acquaintances on this site. Many men are banned for sexual aggression. So I think it is common sense for women to be vigilant.
My point in the previous post was this is the internet and it has its own context to contend with because one can manipulate and target anonymously. Therefore the vigilance against the undesirables for lack of a better term is far more challenging for women than it would be at a cocktail party.
@FunCartel No you did not say the population is dangerous. You said the greeting could be a serial killer and I made my counter point to that and will let it stand as is. I separated my point and said many posts over many threads, I probably should have just said the forums, paint this picture. I disagree that the danger here is far more than a cocktail party. We are no more "dangerous" than any other population of men.
@CozyGuy75
I think he brings up valid points. Maybe the one liner people are trying to start things off more slowly than to fast track the conversation. Maybe some people are a tougher but to crack than others, it doesn’t mean they aren’t worth the effort. I feel if someone made the effort to just say hi, an equal amount of effort should be made just to say hi back. Maybe the third email will have better meaty content. I always put in just as much effort as someone puts into me +20%.
Men have become convenient and popular punching bags. The majority of us are good honest and respectful human beings. I for one will stand up against the wide brush strokes that say we are to be feared and are dangerous until proven otherwise.
@snuggleme123 No one is painting men with broad brush strokes but the fact remains that you do not know the other person on the other end of a message and women are far more vulnerable in a one-on-one situation. It is not beyond the pale for them to want more than a hello to vet potential cuddle partners. Unless of course you know every guy that visits CC and can vouch for them.
Moreover, cozyguy tried to use a cocktail party analogy. No, you are correct, the population here is most likely no more dangerous than the cocktail party. However, the logic is flawed because one can control who comes to a cocktail party. People off the street do not normally wander in to a cocktail party because the invitees have been vetted. It is incumbent on the ladies here to do their own vetting. That is the difference between the internet and a cocktail party.
@FunCartel no one isn't saying not to vet them as much as you need to in order to feel comfortable meeting them alone one on one and cuddling but maybe not to automatically disqualify them after one message as long as it's not rude or disrespectful. Maybe start some sort of dialogue 1st even if the 1st message is just a " Hi , how are you today ? " or something along those lines.
@FunCartel I love you man! No worries
Part of the reward I get from female company, is that I am being trusted. If my partner was physically intimidating, or had a SWAT team on a panic button, I probably wouldn't get that.
@hugonehugall how many messages do you get a day? 10 on a good day? I know a couple of ladies that get 25-30 messages a day on here. One showed me hers and she had 43 messages sent to her on a Saturday. It is a numbers game plain and simple. It is near to impossible to answer all messages if you have another job or a family. So you will get eliminated sometimes without a reply because they are only human with time constraints.
Here is another factor—because there are numbers you are in competition. Why should one guy even help another guy? I try and help to a point. If you can’t figure out how to write a message that makes a female want to reply then you are one less guy the guy putting in the work has to worry about. I am not saying you do not know how and it sounds callous but it is reality.
I prefer no response actually than a rejecting one. Hi, sorry, you're too old for me. Hi, sorry, your bones are just unattractive to me. Hi, sorry, your profile makes you sound like a weenie.
Like getting an empty box for Christmas, it means they made an effort to not give you anything.
I am in agreement with @littermate. Being blown off is better than rejection because then you can say “Jesus, I am so hot I am too intimidating to cuddle.”
@FunCartel I also said that they are in no way obligated to respond to everyone that messages them. My main point is not assume that someone that doesn't carefully worded work of art paragraph isn't worth a response or worth getting to know.
@FunCartel it is true with @littermate, she is so hot and the light so bright all you can see are her bones.
@FunCartel LOL! I'm gonna use that one for sure, thanks.
Awww @snuggleme123 hahahaha.
I guess it's time to chime back in on this one LOL So I didn't single out a cocktail party nor did I understand how my response shifted from "Hi" is acceptable to "there are serial killers on the loose" LOL but let's have a bit of fun with that one shall we?... I think it was FunCartel " Great Name by the way... I can't help but wonder though, what makes it a fun cartel?... is it health benefits with dental and taco Tuesdays with cocaine filled pinatas? opposed to killings and beheadings over cocaine that went missing? because I guess those are not "fun cartels" sorry corny joke lol no disrespect intended 😁 now back to our regularly scheduled opinion. I think it was FunCartel that said a woman is in more danger here than at a cocktail party because that is a private event, ok, what about a bar? Or any other public place? Or even a friend's party... do you always know everyone attending? Before the internet a woman would meet a total stranger at a bar for example and they would talk and exchange names, phone numbers, maybe even addresses, "one night stand anyone?" Not to mention that "serial killer" can now wait outside and follow her all the way home if he wants but that was the norm and it still happens today so to say a woman is more at risk here where she has full control of what she divulges and when, what images she shares and who she choses to communicate with to the extent of permanently blocking unwanted advances is in my humble opinion a statement not based on facts but emotions. Remember when talking to a girl on the internet meant you were a weirdo creepy loser? Remember when the world was flat? Those were the good old days 😁 Back to my original point. I think saying a simple hello gives her the opportunity to peak her interest by glancing at your pictures because let's face it... we are visual creatures... then reading further if she so pleases and she can just say hi back at which point the gentleman should make more of an effort to retain interest like asking her about something interesting or in common you might have based on your profiles, but make it about her at 1st because "interested is interesting" and if he fails to do so... then he's not the droid you're looking for... move along... move along...
@CozyGuy75 No one said serial killers are on the loose. I said a serial killer could write hi how are you as well as a normal person can. But I was closer to quoting you correctly. You wrote:
Have you ever gone to a party or networking event or any other place where face to face social interactions occur?
So a party. The internet and a party are two different things entirely even if you are making a point by pretending. The internet is still the Wild West as much as you would like to strip away the context.
But....I like the idea of someone just saying hi and not much else because they will most likely be eliminated. This site is a woman’s world and if one does not like their rules and what they want then one can cuddle a pillow.
Speaking as a member of the fair sex, haha, It doesn't matter where we go and who were with, sexual assault is always a possibility because we are smaller and weaker generally, and right now, it seems there are a fair number of men who offend out there among our comrades. Many of us have already experienced it..
Add to that that most sexual assaults happen with someone that one knows. I have heard reports from almost every woman on here about boundary confusion and boundary crossings by those beings that are bigger than us, My direct experience after screening is that there are plenty of men on here that don't do that -- probably most.
It's not so much serial killers and violent rapists that we women are screening for or who can ruin a party (though that's always a small concern), but being groped in a context of trust by someone big, or someone at all. Please know, we are used to it, no matter the context. It only takes one, so the fact that most men don't is irrelevant.
Unwanted groping can turn a woman off to this venture really quickly and actually be traumatic. The combination of our past experience, our smaller stature, and having our boundaries crossed is scarier than you might imagine.
For the most part, unless a man is a therapist, or he has listened to a lot of women's experience, guys don't really know what it's like to be female in this culture. You can make fun of us, and minimize or complain about our attempts to screen and how that makes you feel, which I'm always down for listening to because I love ya, but the fact remains that we need to take care of ourselves to remain on this site offering our bodies for snuggling to strangers.
I love men, I'm close to a lot of men, and I hope to be close to a lot more. Our screening is not an indictment of the male species and I am personally saddened by all the hatred of men that is out there and how lonely the culture leaves many of you. Somehow we have to figure this out together and I appreciate all of the men on here who have taken the time to understand the world through the eyes of a person with a female body, In the way that I have put time into trying to understand it from your points of view.
@littermate Exactly what I have been saying in different ways but many will probably still complain. It is not a very difficult concept to grasp.
@FunCartel yes, and I appreciate you for it. Sometimes, whether it does any good or not, it is a necessity to speak. Or in this case, write. I enjoy putting these things into words without demonizing anyone. If it benefits someone else, so much the better.
Thanks for your heart.
There are always going to be people who disappoint you - ignore them and live your life with a loving heart and practice patience. In time, good people will show up. Meanwhile, do not give up on humanity because of a few bad experiences.
It can be difficult as well as stressful to come up with something interesting to say to a complete stranger via messaging. While I can do it with ease in person, words in written form are often very misconstrued and can be interpreted complerely different than what is intended. Why pressure someone into something. Get to know them in person first. Btw...when meeting a stranger in public initially aren't the normal conversation starters something along the lines of "Hi, how are you"? I would ezpect a cuddler to be empathetic and understanding. Not someone barking out commands telling me how to talk. The world is a hard place, realize some of the nicest people you will ever meet might have a hard time just opening up and thrilling you with what you want to hear. Thanks for listening. Signed: A nice guy when you take the time to get to know me slowly.
Thank you Bob, keep doing what you are doing.
Lol
It only takes one, so the fact that most men don't is irrelevant.
Ok guys, we are all condemned. Guilty till we prove our innocence. Why bother
@snuggleme123 She did not condemn all men but go ahead and play the victim card. SMH
It is a statistically small number of men who who violate women. Period It is documented that many women have also violated the tos and helped to confuse the boundaries and have been banned. Yall are not without blemish here. I have said that women, as anyone, should not run around with their eyes closed. But I will rail against the notion that the male population here is this bad and women should be scared shitless cuz given the chance those with a penis cannot control themselves.
BS
Wow. Just wow. I think @littermate pretty much spelled it out logically. Poor white guys being persecuted? Again SMH.
Since they should not worry so much can you please identify the men who are disrespectful or boundary pushing on the site? That way none of the women will have to worry so much.