Cuddlers getting ghosted

Sheena123

So I’ve been told quite a few times by some really nice cuddlers I’ve been with, that they’ve been ghosted by a pro. They make a booking, the day and time is set and all they have to do is wait for the pro to give them their address or hotel. When the day of the cuddle comes, that pro completely ghosts them. They don’t answer the cuddlers confirmation, they don’t send any message for the address or any reasons if it needs to be cancelled. They literally get zero reply back and then the cuddle time is long gone with still no explanation.

Now, what I don’t agree with is this situation getting completely ignored and there is no warning or whatfor given to these pros. These cuddlers even have proof in texts and messages on the site of them getting ghosted, and they’ve been told there is nothing that can be done. Why? Can there not be some kind of warning system that weeds out the pros that don’t care? If there’s an emergency that couldn’t be overlooked, than that’s fine, but if there’s no excuse and there’s actual proof, this shouldn’t get swept under the rug. If they have one or two warnings and they do it a third time, they should be paused for a while or even kicked off the site. These “pros” make the good ones look bad. When the cuddler messes up or keeps ghosting a pro, they get dealt with. I believe it should be both ways. Equality, right?

I care a great deal when this happens because so many are lonely, looking for affection, have dealt with so much rejection or they need to feel like someone cares. They trust this “pro” to be professional but instead they get ignored and feel so dejected 😞 and like I said, a lot of the cuddlers that come to me and say this has happened to them, these are great people. Super respectful! I can’t see any reason for them to receive this rude smack in the face.

Pros: if you honestly just don’t want to carry out a session maybe because you’re nervous, or you’re superficial and would rather cuddle only Chris Hemsworth guys, or you just don’t care about the person, they deserve to actually get a message back saying “never mind”. Keep in mind, the only reason you should be denying or cancelling a session is either because of an emergency, you aren’t feeling well, or you feel unsafe with them. If these aren’t your reasons, you are in the wrong field. Treat these cuddlers with respect! It makes me so mad...

Mike403

@Sheena123 I wonder how many pros join thinking it will be easy money then when somebody books them that they don't deem "attractive" enough to them, they bail. Ghosting is childish behavior, pro or not.

Sheena123

I’ve heard plenty of pros that have actually said straight up they only want to be booked with attractive people. If I ever come across a pro myself that says that, I’m reporting her in a heartbeat. I agree ghosting is childish. These cuddlers deserve an answer!

Hey, thanks for bringing up this topic. I really like that you care about seeing things from the client's perspective.

I actually think in general I am rather attractive to women, at least women I've met in person, not exactly Chris Hemsworth level but probably as close to that as you're likely to find on this site... and yet yeah I have had so many cuddlers stand me up for a session or just not respond to requests for a session. My impression is it doesn't necessarily have much to do with the attractiveness of the client, it's just that a lot of women are flaky and don't care about other people. If something else comes up in their life, if they just don't feel like going out, whatever, they just won't go and will ghost the client. It's incredibly selfish.

I actually don't feel that negatively if a pro is choosy about who she books a session with. If she really only wants to cuddle with people she finds attractive, so be it. But that, or any other reason, is no excuse to book a session and then just not show up. Standing people up is extremely childish but as far as I can tell most women do it, whether in cuddling or dating.

I don't think I have ever in my life stood someone up or ghosted someone. For a date or a cuddle or anything else. But I've been stood up and ghosted many many times.

cuddlerforu24

This is why a client should not agree to booking fees or deposits or any money sent in advance before the session

pmvines

@SanFranResident I hear your frustration and realize that it must leave a bad taste in your mouth . What I don't feel good about or sit right with is the characterization that most women are flaky, and most women just simply ghost or don't do something if they don't feel like doing it . Perhaps you have had negative experiences on this site , but it seems like you are saying these things about women in general, not just experiences pertaining to this site. That's a bit extreme of an assertion isn't it ?

Sheena123

@SanFranResident yea, it can definitely be frustrating! It upsets me knowing that I try very hard to stay professional and make sure I conduct myself professionally. I want to give a positive light on professional cuddlers. Then these “pros” come along, make bookings and seem genuinely nice towards these very respectful gentlemen, ghost them and then there goes the positive light towards pro cuddlers. It’s annoying and selfish.
Now, the reason I said they shouldn’t be picking people based on attractiveness is because it’s an actual rule pro cuddlers have to follow. We absolutely cannot discriminate against looks, age, race, and sex. If they are choosy, they are a bad pro. Straight up. They are going against the rules we adhere on this site. Which makes them even more unprofessional and uncaring.

hugonehugall

@Sheena123 I definitely think there should be some sort of penalty for pros “ ghosting “ on multiple occasions. Especially if it comes to light they’re doing it for some of the superficial reasons you listed. This is also why me and a lot of other Cuddlers are hesitant to send a large deposit ahead of time before we’ve actually laid eyes on the pro in person. Also out of curiosity how does a pro make the argument they feel unsafe meeting someone without any evidence through text or email that client was making unwanted advances or what not ? If there ever were penalties for pros ghosting I could see some using the claim “ he gave me a creepy vibe “ to avoid punishment for ghosting. Which could also cause problems for an innocent cuddler.

Mike403

I've been called creepy on a dating site just for being a single guy who owns a cat. I'm not sure what my choice of pet has to do with anything.

TouchSanctuary

I definitely think that standing people up without any kind of prior notice or information is incredibly rude, whether the person is a pro or an enthusiast. I don't think it's a major issue if people notify the other beforehand, as life happens and sometimes people get sick or have a personal emergency to deal with.

ubergigglefritz

@Sheena123 I am 100% with you on all points. All we can do is continue doing our best to be a good professional available as an option to people on this site to help. That's a big reason I stay... 😇

@cuddlerforu24 I think it's a reason for a client not to send money to a professional in advance without significant support for their legitimacy. I require deposits. Some people miss out because they don't want to pay a deposit, but it hasn't been too much of a hindrance so far. I have to pay gas, for a campsite, and take time to travel, when I have a session, so it's only fair to share that risk (I will put upfront more than just the deposit myself). I will 100% not book a session without one. Just a boundary. 🤷‍♀️

@pmvines I hear you. I understand why it doesn't sit right to see such a large negative generalization about women. However, yes, I've had many women both on this site and elsewhere stand me up and/or ghost me. Whether it's a real cuddle session, virtual session, date, hangout with friends, whatever the event, in my experience there are a lot of women where it's completely random whether they show up to the thing they said they'd be at. I literally don't think I've ever had a man stand me up or ghost me for anything.

So, yeah, I get it, it sounds sexist to say "a lot of women are flakes", but in my experience it's so common (and honestly I'm a little bitter about it), that.... well... yeah, a lot of women are flakes, not sure how else to put it.

ubergigglefritz

@SanFranResident I get it. I have a hard time trusting women for similar reasons. 😆 Lol. Men are typically a lot more transparent. It's only human to make generalizations from experience. It's in our nature and a survival strategy in ALL beings.

But to @pmvines point, I DO tend to look at individuals without judgment. It's interesting how easy it is to judge populations, but harder to judge individuals for me. But like I said, it's our nature to make generalizations with populations, and when it comes to individuals it's easy to see the person separate because you're looking at them face to face. They're a human being, an individual, you connect, see their heart. They are no longer just a piece of a group, but their own person.

I think the difficulty separating the two could be helped by strengthening your boundaries and your voice. So you have the confidence and assertiveness to handle things when this arises. Reducing powerlessness and thus bitterness. There are lots of good people in this world. 😊

Sheena123

@hugonehugall I think if that pro has zero evidence or “had a creepy vibe” of the person, they should still send a message to cancel. If they were using it as an excuse, u fortunately most of the time, it feels like the pros don’t need much of an excuse. I think the moderators are doing an awesome job and I know it’s incredibly busy for them, but I just feel like the “punishment” is never doled out to the pro. I think it’s unfair. If they act unprofessionally or treat a prospective client like their feelings don’t matter, lying afterwards to say “ he was kind of creepy” should still get a warning. If they are actually creepy, then give them a reason why you’re cancelling. Don’t ghost...

I’ve had plenty of times where I’ve had to cancel because a guy was creepy. Pros aren’t able to take communication offsite until we book. It’s not an excuse to keep communication on site. It’s a rule. Straight up. So Ive had plenty that book with me and seem like they genuinely want a session. So once the booking is made, I give them my number to message so it’s more immediate. As soon as I do that, dole will start texting me saying gross things like “can you give me a handjob?” “How much more for nude cuddling” “ I want sex” “can I touch your breasts while we cuddle” “I want to kiss you” “ I don’t know if I’ll be able to behave”.

I choose those times to tell them we’ve made a mistake. They are against the terms of the site and I have to cancel the appointment. The thing is, even though they were very creepy or rude or against the sites rules, I STILL messaged them to cancel. I will never ghost. So friggin rude... so saying “he was kind of creepy” should never be a good reason to ghost. They should be punished. Straight up.

Mike403

This site needs an app for messaging so if somebody texts something that is against the rules, they can be more easily reported and they'll be hard evidence that can't be doctored like a screenshot of a regular text message can.

Sheena123

@Mike403 I remember hearing a long time ago that they were working on an app. I wonder how that’s going 🤔

@ubergigglefritz "I think the difficulty separating the two could be helped by strengthening your boundaries and your voice. So you have the confidence and assertiveness to handle things when this arises."

I appreciate your comment. But what does this look like in practice? Suppose I've got a date planned with a woman. She texts me the day before and says "I'm really excited about tomorrow!" I text back "Me too!" Then at the scheduled time I go to meet her, and she's not there. I text her, "Hey are you on your way?" I never get a response and never hear from her again.

How do my boundaries, voice, confidence, or assertiveness come into it? What's there to be assertive about? She's already gone.

Mike403

@SanFranResident - A lot of women are constantly looking for the bigger and better deal and if she meets somebody she'd rather hang out with before your date comes, she'll monkey-branch over to them and either ignore you or cancel last minute. It's disrespectful, but it is what it is.

Sheena123

I just can’t understand why some women can be this mean 😓

cuddlerforu24

@ubergigglefritz ... if a client paid a deposit and the cuddler did not show , no call, text, just disappeared ., did he lose some money ?

Mike403

@Sheena123 - Social media and dating sites probably made it worse. Women get bombarded with messages left and right while guys are lucky if a woman even replies to one he sends.

@Mike403 Well, yes. I do think that's often what happens. I used to wonder a lot "wow, why did she ghost me? I really thought she liked me. What went wrong? I wish she would just tell me." And eventually I realized, yeah, that's usually what happened: she met somebody she liked better. It's very difficult to get to a point with a woman where you don't feel replaceable.

But I think the broader issue is that a lot of women have such easy access to so many men that they never had to learn to treat men with respect. Like, if my whole life I had a trail of women pursuing me, if no matter how poorly I treated one woman there'd be 50 more lining up who wanted to be with me, maybe I would have never learned to be decent to women.

I think @Mike403 is right about social media and dating sites. Tinder is the worst thing that ever happened in dating for 95% of men.

ubergigglefritz

@Sheena123 Do you do much screening of the clients before booking a session and taking communication off-site? I have never been asked most of the questions you listed.

@SanFranResident You are right in that if you never hear from them again, there's not much you can do, ha. Sometimes these people (especially pros who eventually think they might want to try to get your money again) eventually contact you again, apologize profusely, and then maybe try to set something up again. This came to mind in responding to you because I know someone who has this happen over and over with the same person. It sounds like that's not the case with you... It's a very difficult situation for sure, whether a potential date or a pro cuddler, and can be incredibly demoralizing. Absolutely unacceptable for people to treat others this way. =( If talking about a date, maybe developing those skills would make you more attractive and less likely to get ghosted? =( Since really getting deep in this work and really working on those things myself, I have been asked by multiple people if I was in the military. I asked "why" to someone and they said I have an "air" about me. I think it's appearing strong, but not cocky. People are really attracted to those qualities. The isolation from COVID set me back a bit, and I'm hoping to get back there soon. =P I might have more of a response or suggestions once I get some food in me... O:-) I've just found in general that having strong boundaries, comfortable with addressing conflict, having conversation, being assertive, confident, etc, helps in almost ALL relationship issues. ;-)

@cuddlerforu24 Yes. I don't understand the question?

Sheena123

@ubergigglefritz I beat it to death during my chat on site that I’m platonic, that I’m happily married, that I wear shorts and a tank top. That I follow rules and if they are hoping for something else, they won’t get it from me. I’ll ask what they are looking to get out of a cuddle and explain all that I do. When we get to the booking part, most times I still stay on site but if I know I’m going to message constantly, I’ll give my number. That’s when I get some weirdos that say that crap.
Trust me, I know how to vet, but they will ask those things literally after I say “I do not allow anything sexual”.

ubergigglefritz

@Sheena123 Ok. Genuinely curious. Nothing is meant as an insult. Was just trying to figure out what we could be doing different to receive such drastic differences in results. 🤷

hugonehugall

@ubergigglefritz one problem I think clients also run into here is that if we actually try to legitimately screen to see if a pro is a fit for us they get the impression we’re just window shopping and wasting their time by asking questions and trying to get to know them. At that point if we’re not ready to schedule or hand over a deposit after a handful of messages the ghosting can happen. @Sheena123 I don’t understand someone that would continue to pursue that kinda stuff from you when you go out of your way to tell them it’s off the table. It’s weird because most guys in any other situation would move on pretty quickly if that’s all they were after and they found out from jump pretty firmly they weren’t getting it.

Sheena123

@hugonehugall I don’t understand either 😓 the most recent one that happened was one I was talking to here. We were talking about simple stuff : fave shows, music, cuddle positions. When he started to ask serious questions like how much I would charge to drive an hour and if this certain day would work, I got into work mode. I said my platonic spiel, asked if he understood, he said yes so we made a booking. He said he was looking forward to some relaxing cuddles. Seemed legit. As soon as I gave him my number, we started talking about him maybe coming to me instead. I said that’s totally fine. I just let my hubby know and he gives us our privacy t. He leaves the home and we have our cuddles ☺️ Then he says “oh, you have a husband... I thought after the cuddle, we could f%*k....”.

sighthat cancelled that booking pretty quick...

We chatted
I told him my rules
I made sure he agreed
My profile says a few times I’m married
—-still, he was hoping for sex....

You ask me...

Mike403

@Sheena123 - Probably somebody who never intended to book a session and his main intent was to harass you. Some sick minded individuals think it's funny.

hugonehugall

@Sheena123 He was rather crude about it to boot. Even in a non platonic setting that’s poor approach. Also don’t you state on your profile you’re married ? He could have saved the both of you time and energy

ubergigglefritz

@hugonehugall I say if the pro can't understand you're wanting to make sure you're a good fit, then skip them.

@Sheena123 Maybe your pictures? Some of them come across a bit misleading to me and more inviting of sexual thoughts than others. It's not as overt as some pros, but I still get a slight tone. If they message you already thinking you might offer other services, a "spiel" on the messaging platform you could get in trouble for anything otherwise won't filter them out. They're likely going "yeah yeah" and just waiting for a safe space to be honest. They don't want to get in trouble or banned either so of course they will agree. I don't have a platonic spiel or even flat out ask. I ask other types of questions which can be much more telling for me and questions which they won't get in trouble for answering in the ways which would be telling for me. But I think you really define what types of inquiries you get by your choice of pictures. That's the first filter /screening process.