What to wear when cuddling?

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  • Can men without breasts and who don't wear bras stop positing that al women are better off going bra-less unless they are transgendered and willing to state their bra size so that it's clear they have actual experience on this subject. Lol

  • This subject has come repeatedly ad nauseum, whereas you don't see any women pontifcating whether men "should" feel more or less comfortable in a jock strap!

  • I've seen something like 23 pros and the majority have worn a bra. If it were my decision, I would ask them to not wear a bra but it's not my choice, It's their choice. If I'm massaging their back under their shirt, a bra may hinder the massage a bit but it's no big deal. If I think back I can come up with five that didn't wear a bra. Overall though it's not a big deal and definitely by no means a deal breaker.

  • @sometimes In general, I very much agree with your point that men should not say that all women are better off braless, unless they have done a massive survey of women, and then they should state their source. However, I don't see that @PotatoHead actually said that. All he did was to ask a question about what woman honestly enjoys wearing a bra.

    My personal experience in talking with women, is that some women enjoy being braless as much as possible, whereas it would make other women feel very uncomfortable to be braless. There are probably plenty of women somewhere in between those two extremes. I'd be very interested in seeing a poll regarding this, if anyone feels like starting a new topic on the subject with a poll.
    <3 Jim

  • edited July 2017

    @sometimes - Good point but I support and I'm active within the breast cancer community. Should I not be because I don't have breasts?

    It's a topic men talk about and share, so I don't see what the problem is. In fact, if I was a woman, I would read the forums and use the topics to my advantage as a learning tool.

  • edited July 2017

    @I_am_Polylover - Thank you very much, I appreciate the support, no pun intended.

    Sadly, I probably know more about the female breast than the majority of women and would actually enjoy any type of debate on the subject matter.

    To be completely honest, I don't care what a professional cuddler wears or doesn't wear. If I'm uncomfortable, I won't be spending a small fortune to see her anymore.

    In case someone missed it, women outnumber men on here by a long shot so I'm sure there are other professionals that wouldn't mind making money.

    I truly dislike having to come across as being a bad petson when I'm actually quite nice.

  • What works for me is like a bralette/ bandeau deal. No underwire, not a lot going on in the back, just another layer of fabric for my peace of mind, but not inhibiting the cuddle. That's just my two cents as a newish professional cuddler.

  • edited July 2017

    @TheCozyArtist - I want to thank you for you input on this subject as a female professional cuddler. I read your profile I saw that you also enjoy ASMR. I discover it approximately one year ago and have a few favorite artists that I am subscribed to on YouTube. It truly is a great way to relax, especially when the artist is very good at it.

    This is just my opinion, but I believe these forums are a great way to learn for both professionals and clients alike. Unfortunately, cuddling can be a bit of a touchy subject. As a repeat client of a few professionals, I still found it difficult to receive the incredible cuddle session I seek and in part, this is simply due to subjects such as this one.

    I will speak the truth, regardless of what others may think or view me as but I do what it to be known that I always respect boundaries and also want the professional to feel safe and be comfortable while maintaining a strictly platonic session.

    As a straight male, I find comfort in tne female form as well as touch and something so simple as wearing or not wearing certain articles of clothing, especially in this weather, make a huge difference in the level of overall comfort receiving during a session.

    Unfortunately however, fear of being honest and requesting a session suited for an individuals needs and desires is often viewed as a client that appears to be shady or creepy which is a shame and be that as it may, it has often left me feeling upset and no more relaxed after a session than I did prior.

    I can definitely understand a professional wearing what she feels is safe for new clients but once a relationship and trust are formed, I have a difficult time comprehending why two people simply can't relax and just be comfortable.

    I enjoy your way of thinking and hope you never change. It appear to be down to earth and simply understand. In short, you just get it while so many others don't or refuse to. Open communication without fear of judgement is so crucial when it comes to this type of service and for those who say that coddling isn't a healing process, I beg to differ. Human touch, especially when given, received and welcomed by both involved is more therapeutic than many can obviously understand.

    Again, thank you fir your input and opinion. I hope you do well and it appears to me you have a open mind and you're on your way to being extremely successful in this line of work. I would be more than willing to spend a little more per hour for any professional session with a professional who truly understands her client.

    Thank you and best of luck.

  • I checked with Mark and it is absolutely not true that women outnumber men on this site--in fact, quite the opposite. However, there are far more female pros than male pros due to supply and demand (I don't know if Mark is still discouraging male pro applications due to this reason). If this discussion about the larger number of female pros, I think the the comment should be moved to the professionals forum.

  • I do believe that the poster who originally stated there are more females than males, meant professional cuddlers.

  • My point exactly, that discussions about professional cuddlers should be made in the professionals forum and not conflated In this general forum.

  • [Deleted User]gaygramps (deleted user)

    My first ( and not with a pro) cuddle was two nights ago. I bought myself a nice soft pair of sleep shorts and I had an oversized t-shirt as well. I showered and put them on in anticipation of meeting my new cuddle buddy. I showed him to the bedroom and as I'm pointing out a couple features, he kicks off his shoes, pulls his t-shirt over his head an dropped his shorts on the floor. I tried not to stare, but he well, grabbed my attention. So much for my new cuddle clothes!

  • I like guys to wears or pajamas and white tube socks or slippers. The girls can be casual or wear sweats. It isn't about being sexy it is about being kind and caring.

  • I can't believe there are 8 pages of comments on this topic of what to (or not) wear. It's really up to the two that are cuddling. Your personal preference may be full body armor. Some are more inclined to fig leafs. And it's no one's concern or business but those two cuddling.

  • [Deleted User]DickieB (deleted user)

    Agree about both should agree before. I have only cuddled twice both with the same guy. He is somebody I knew sort of in high school, we both played soccer. So the first time we took off shoes and sock and our shirts and wore jeans. We both agreed that jeans were not the best choice and that next time we would try something different. So after we agreed to go camping and to cuddle in his tent he asked me to bring a jockstrap for cuddling. I was hesitant to tell him that I always find jockstraps to be erotic, so I just decided to try it. Of course I was excited from the start, and he said I was a perv, but we cuddled. Every time I finally relaxed, he would shift positions and it would start over. Boy was I glad when morning came. He emailed me later to say that jocks worked a lot better than jeans, but I wrote back and said if we cuddle again I want to try baggy basketball shorts.

  • @lydia has your comment on here got any messages to u? Pillows, could be used if felt close contact was too much.

  • [Deleted User]StarFlower (deleted user)

    My 2 pennies for the up-top situation for females during cuddling:

    Underwire bra: heck no. Life is difficult enough!

    Mini-tank bra (or bralette)--no underwire, no padding: Yesssssss.

    As for pro cuddlers like myself, undergarments are required attire (#CuddleContract). And I think it's advisable for any female to have undergarments on, under clothes, while cuddling someone who is not their significant other. This avoids the Netflix-and-chill vibe. //shudder//

    Signed,
    A bona fide female-type person
    (That was for @sometimes especially)

  • @TheCozyArtist - no wire so ur more cozy. Both for u n payee. Is there stuff that ur cuddlee wears thats awkward?

  • Well, I'm an F cup on a small frame and non-wired support is just not comfortable. None of my cuddle buddies or SOs has ever complained! Otoh, I'm not a pro so I feel free to dress as I please. To each her own.

    Applauding the return of women's voices to the forum.

  • [Deleted User]StarFlower (deleted user)

    @sometimes Oh. I forgot. Not all of us are endowed like you are. Yeah guys, you'll need to take your female cuddler's comfort into consideration. Larger bust sizes do need extra support, pro or not.

    The one thing besides underwire that is not comfortable about bras are the bra hooks in back. Now, a front closure shouldn't bother anyone, as we're not "going there" during cuddling. Just as a note for any fellow female cuddlers who wear a bra for the security aspect...

  • avoid jeans!! minimum of top and bottoms -- dont wear something you wouldnt go outside alone in. lol
    tank top and shorts are A-ok!

  • edited September 2017

    The Cuddle contract doesn't state that undergarments are required, it says undergarments don't constitute as sufficient clothing. That means you can't just wear underwear and nothing else. I said it before, I don't care whether my cuddler wears a bra or not. I've had pros wear bras and I've had pros not wear bras. I've given pros massages and they've had excused themselves mid massage and gone in the bathroom to take their bras off. It's their body and so it's up to them whether they want to wear one or not so long as they're following the contract of course.

    And jeans are definitely the worst thing a cuddle buddy can wear.

  • [Deleted User]StarFlower (deleted user)

    Client Agreement should be reworded then to specify undergarments will be worn underneath regular clothing. I think this is the original meaning, however.

    Agreed about the jeans.

  • I remember talking to Mark about the rule change when it was made. He meant that you can't cuddle in only underwear, he didn't mean that regardless of what you wear, underwear must be work. I think the rule is fine as is.

  • I agree. It's up to the pro what they feel most comfortable in, but clients should not request it.

  • [Deleted User]StarFlower (deleted user)

    @Morpheus Well that's great and all, but if we're (and by "we" I mean anybody on this site) reading the agreement differently there's a reason: it's not worded well.

    It doesn't make sense to say, for example, that underwear is not sufficient clothing, but a man might then wear shorts or sweatpants with no underwear. In that case he might as well be wearing boxers. Not saying this is okay, just stating the obvious.

    And this definitely is a stipulation that pro cuddlers get more up in arms about than anyone, because it is we who can be cased by police. It is we (mainly) who would have to fend off the male client because they may have thought that they could drop their shorts and try for something more, because it's ok to not wear underwear.

    Maybe because you're a decent person who wouldn't do that, you can't imagine someone would? Well, they would.

  • Speaking from experience, shorts without underwear is definitely a step up from just boxers. Underwear tends to be thinner and have a fly. That means an actual and also a perceived difference. I'm comfortable stepping outside to check the mail in just shorts, but not in just boxers, because that would be "in my underwear".

    Unclear agreements seem to cause more trouble than anything else. But I think the clearest thing needs to be that both parties need to respect one another's boundaries, meaning that the more restrictive boundaries are the ones which prevail. If one person wants underwear AND another layer for their partner, that's something that needs to be respected. And if it's asking too much, then you don't cuddle. It's that simple. There should be an expectation of discussing it beforehand and of deferring to the more restrictive preference.

  • [Deleted User]StarFlower (deleted user)

    I agree that someone could wear sweats and not be out for more, and boxers are a bit too thin, plus there's that open area. But the rule is not written in the CA to be completely clear.

    "Sufficient"="enough," meaning there should be more. If it were worded more clearly, even to state that nude cuddling is not allowed, however if the genitals are covered by something other than underwear or lingerie, this is allowable if both parties agree...I would be cool with that. "Both parties agree" being the operative phrase.

  • [Deleted User]StarFlower (deleted user)

    @Mike403 There's also a point to be made that some men would not feel comfortable if their pro cuddler went braless, for example. And some might even want them more covered up. Granted that's a minority, but the point is, I think discussing what will be worn is a must so both parties feel comfortable.

  • Just a reminder that OP's question did not specifically refer to cuddles that follow CC's guidelines. No offense to the pros on here. I know you have a lot to deal with, but things were never this complicated when I got started with cuddle party many years ago. As long as the sexual energy was kept in check (and there were people trained to handle this) there really wasn't a problem.

    I know a lot of people get caught up in what's "appropriate" to wear for a cuddle session, but from my perspective, if you're overly concerned about what you're wearing to cuddle, you're probably doing it wrong.

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