A cuddle party is quite a bit different than finding a cuddle buddy you trust to have a 1-2 hr session with and feel comfortable either being in their home or having them in your own home. I'm not even talking pros cuddlers, here.
It's a bit easy to draw comparisons, but many women feel differently about this issue than men do, and it's worth thinking about the other person.
Maybe the question should really be more like "How should you initiate the discussion about what to wear when cuddling?"
I can see @starflowers point, I am a decent person and view things from my point of view most of the time rather than the point of view of the douche bags out there that don't do things the right way. I also see @aaronchis point and wish things were less complicated. Regarding what Starflower said about a guy pulling his shorts down because he's not wearing underwear, the CSA does state that both parties must remained clothed. The statement regarding undergarments aren't sufficient doesn't negate the both parties must remain clothed rule. I personally feel that rule is pretty clear and would you police a mandatory underwear rule anyway.
Am I the only one out there that's wears his underwear down to nothing ? I mean first there's a hole , then the hole gets bigger, then another one , then there's just threads attached to an elastic band . In ten years there's just an elastic band left . Is the undergarment police going to check me ? Will the CSA evolve into having a standards page where undergarments must meet minimum togetherness ? Is my account at risk?
Does at least an elastic band that says fruit of the loom or Hanes count?
@sparklyblue-eyes I am sorry, only Tommy Hilfiger and Calvin Klein are allowed. Lol
As for the quality and current thread count of any underwear, I just trust my clients, most of the time...if they bring up the underwear thing, that's when it gets discussed.
I've taken prozac, intermittently, for years, and prozac dose more than just alleviate depressive symptoms: it renders me uninterested in sexual intimacy. Its effects are mental and physical. But when taking it, I do still like to cuddle. Not advocating that anyone take it solely to suppress the libido, but if you're depressed and are thinking about platonic cuddling, it cold be useful.
@johnm29 et al. Be very careful using psychoactive drugs--if you can avoid taking them, do. I took Prozac for postpartum depression years ago and became suicidal.
A bit off-topic, but just remember cuddling is also a journey of the mind, and in some cases learning to slow the mind's roll when it concerns arousal (some have already got this skill, some are just learning).
If you think you'll have trouble, you can ask your cuddler to wear a bit more clothing at first.
@Starflower, do you think sometimes a man asking his female partner to wear more clothes might make her uncomfortable, because of the implication that there's the possibility of sexual attraction that has to be suppressed with means like extra layers? Is there a better and worse way to bring it up?
Honesty is best. I cuddle men as well as women. If a guy's "junk" is too easily felt against my body, he's not wearing enough clothes. I'll stop and ask him to put some underwear on under his shorts or pjs.
@JT1980 It's just a tough subject all around. But communication is key. If someone is really uncomfortable with something, they should say so.
The other thing is, religious concerns. If a cuddler is LDS, for example, they'll for sure want to be more covered up themselves and might feel uncomfortable if the person they're cuddling isn't.
I belonged to a cuddle buddy meetup when I lived in Seattle until it shut down. The guidelines there were very much like here. I liked being comfortable, but somewhat modest. A sports bra is a little more comfortable for me to lounge in. But I never discussed that with my male buddies. Then I had a long sleeve cotton mock turtleneck and overthat a flannel plaid shirt I borrowed from my little brother, but never gave back. On the bottom, a pair of loose-fitting, but not baggy jeans that had been subjected to repeated washings with liquid fabric softener. In all but the warmest weather, a pair of white socks finished it off. I'd never go out dressed like that but I was comfortable as would be my buddy. I had one female cuddle buddy whose internal thermostat was quit different than mine, and she almost always has short sleeves and bare legs, but even she commented on how good it felt to snuggle up to the softness of flannel.
Cuddle buddy meetup sounds like a good idea. The way you say "until it shut down," sounds ominous. Did some outside force make it close?
P.S. I wear socks often ....sleep in them in the winter. My feet are almost always cold.
Oh no, nothing sinister. There were two groups, and the one I was in was a lot smaller than the other. There is still a very big group in Seattle.
I've noticed the majority of females, no matter how clothed they are, don't wear socks during sessions
@Morpheus No socks for moi. I really get my feet ready, too!
Oh, and I read the Client Agreement again. Here's a quote under Session Rules:
This implies that undergarments are to be worn under clothes.
@StarFlower The intention was likely that undergarments would be worn, but as currently written, nowhere does it say explicitly that undergarments must be worn. It is assumed, and implications in a legal sense are ambiguous and open to interpretation. Courtroom lawyers constantly debate the intent of a law vs. what it actually says.
The only other mention of underwear is that "Undergarments do not constitute as sufficient clothing." If I were a pro, I'd do some rewriting of the agreement, as it does not explicitly state that underwear must be worn for a session. Obviously, this has come up for some pros, as some people have and will use that loophole to push boundaries, so it would be worthwhile to cover all the bases.
There are probably other ambiguities in the agreement, but I haven't given it a thorough review, just scanned it regarding this particular issue.
Starflower, of course I wear underwear whenever I'm dressed and this would include a cuddle session. But as for ambiguity, I go to a small massage salon in the home of one of the two operators. In their guidelines, they say, wear as much or as little clothing as you please, but we understand undergarments, including socks to say: don't massage me here. So I wouldn't make any assumptions about the intent based on that language. Taken as a whole, I think common sense tells me it is intended that people meeting via this group wear underwear to cuddle. But that's looking broadly, rather than attempting to proof-text.
I think this topic is sad.
I think the rules serve a purpose and protect both the cuddle professional and cuddlee from a legal standpoint.
But I think the reality is in a perfect world it should not matter what two consenting adults decide to cuddle in whatsoever. But it should be discussed and agreed upon. If you want to cuddle in full clothes...fine. Underwear....fine. Nude....fine. As long as both parties agree and want that. Disrobing when not agreed by the other party is completely unacceptable and lame. Even if the 2 consenting adults decide to touch each other other over their undergarments or under them, a strong argument could be made that a session like that is still very healing, and therapeutic and beneficial to both parties.
But we don't live in a perfect world but instead live in a world where what 2 people do for free becomes illegal if money is exchanged. It is so silly. So we wind up with 9 pages of minutiae on bras, boxers, shorts, thickness of fabric and the like to keep it legal and not associated with an erotic service. It just seems so counterproductive.
All that should matter is what the 2 people agree upon that provides the level of closeness compassion and healing and nurturing they are both looking for. Even if it is sensual in nature, as cuddling by definition is sensual.
FWIW, I follow the rules, and especially respect the boundaries of the professional cuddler. Semi-rant over.
Ok so if you're cuddle buddy is wearing a thong, does that mean you can touch her butt cause a thong is an undergarment but it doesn't cover the entire butt area lol
@Morpheus I know you're just kidding, but that's exactly why the cuddle service agreement needs to be revised.
@blueiris thank you for knowing I was joking.
I think there are far bigger issues on the site though. I've said in other forums, I think cuddling is currently in a state of distress and changes need to be made.
There is a pro showing her bare ass in one of her pics. Another female member appears to be bottomless. There's a pro who is cuddling in lingerie and or topless in SoCal upselling these services during session. There are pros acting unethically, overcharging and charging for travel in two directions. It looks like it's been removed from her profile but there was a pro asking for gifts and where sadly prostitution exists, now we have the introduction of sugar babies to cuddle comfort. I honestly think we have taken a turn in the wrong direction and we need some change and control quickly. I'm at the point now where I'm close to giving up. What's the point of reporting any of the rule breaking anymore?
@Morpheus You are right, the examples you mentioned are far greater issues and bring this site closer to the appearance of prostitution for sale rather than professional cuddling. Have you reported those infractions to @Mark?
@Morpheus @BlueIris et al. This issue is one of the many reasons I'm deactivating. Too many potential clients have seen the Shane Dawson video but not the inside of their conscience. Or the dictionary ("platonic").
Not even going to answer the posters' new points because it's point-less. Nothing has changed nor looks like it will.
The Shane Dawson video is the spark that has sent this site spiraling in the wrong direction.
@morpheus i totally agree. I was reporting many profiles daily after that video. Maybe the word platonic needs its definition put on the login page.
What's the turn-around time for reporting? There are men with inappropriate pictures and names, too.
Pretty quick. I have had to report a lot of females as well
Here is an interesting blog article by Jean Franzblau, the founder of Cuddle Sanctuary, that is very pertinent to the discussion about what to wear when cuddling, since it discusses the Cuddle sanctuary bra policy. http://cuddlesanctuary.com/bra-policy-cuddle-sanctuary/ The most interesting part to me was the link between bras and breast cancer.
Jim
Well depending how long they are staying or if they are seeing me or if I am seeing them but I would typically where yoga shorts with a big T-shirt and socks my feet too cold not too
Preferably anything comfortable, nothing maybe if I became comfortable with that notion, But that would be more tward knowing the cuddle buddy.