Do Guys Meet ANY Non-Pro Cuddlers here?

FitSmartCuddlerFitSmartCuddler
edited June 2021 in General

I joined a few days ago and so far it's not looking promising. I don't think my desires are unreasonable; I just want to find a woman who 1) isn't a Pro, 2) has been on here more recently than 6 months ago, 3) isn't 5+ years older than me, 4) doesn't have to be super hot, just reasonably appealing in some way (I'm fit and athletic but I'm flexible on body size, to a point) and 5) might actually respond to a message. It seems like the pool of candidates who fit these criteria is just about non-existent. I did message a couple of people and haven't heard back. What am I missing? Is the historic out-of-whack online male/female ratio so extreme these days that I have to lower my standards to absurd levels (or pay hundreds of dollars for someone to be nice to me for an hour)??

«1345678

Comments

  • LunarCarlosLunarCarlos

    It seems unfortunately common -- you're not alone in that struggle.
    It's felt that way for me too for a while, with my age group/preferences/area (NJ/NY/PA).

    I'm getting a new phone that'll be able to download apps again (mine was very old) so I'm hoping maybe I'll be able to make a good friend or two through friend apps? Might not be cuddling-specific though.

    Goodluck in your search, I know it can be discouraging.. and lol.. yeah I can't imagine paying someone to be nice to me if I'm looking for a long-lasting friendship XD, but still best of luck to them as well haha..

  • [Deleted User]Cuddleslikeapro (deleted user)
    edited June 2021

    .

  • b0nfireb0nfire

    Obviously my perspective on this topic is affected by my status as a pro and my experience in this community, but it’s a little disheartening and even slightly denigrating to see this perception of meeting with pros as “paying someone to be nice to [you] for an hour.” I’m nice to people who don’t pay me, and I’ve formed deep friendships with people I’ve cuddled. Getting paid to be nice to someone for an hour is not what this site is about – for me, at least. There are a lot of factors that influenced my decision to become a pro rather than just an enthusiast, and I expect that’s true for a lot of women here.

    I hope you find what you’re looking for.

  • [Deleted User]AnthonyM757 (deleted user)

    Not many unfortunately....

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    Well, do you want to be accepted, embraced and relax in some bliss with another for a bit? Best to go into it with zero expectations or "standards" (beyond hygiene and the TOS) ~ To be open-minded and accepting of others, no matter their appearance.

    But also worth considering is that squishy people are often the best people for getting squishy with... IMO.

    Not attracted to them? Good - No worries about the multitude of lines you might try crossing if you were.

    FWIW, you may just have to accept that, in general, the more superficial standards one has, the more opportunities for disappointment too.

  • [Deleted User]Cuddleslikeapro (deleted user)
    edited June 2021

    .

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream
    edited June 2021

    .

  • [Deleted User]Cuddleslikeapro (deleted user)
    edited June 2021

    .

  • CatloafCatloaf
    edited June 2021

    Most women on this site who are from ok- to good looking who aren’t pros, seem to end up turning pro.

    Why even make this distinction? I don't get it. There's all types going pro, not just your obviously conventional idea of attractiveness. Yikes, we're going down this road again... we haven't had the "attractiveness" debate in here in a while.

    Yup, and this happened because women have options. They can be picky, they can have high standard….

    Sorry what? I accept all folks, in my professional life, and my personal life. My highest standard is that you're a decent human being and you conduct yourself with respect and informed consent in mind. That goes as a professional, and an enthusiast (I'm both - but only a pro on here). It sounds like you've been reading some "manosphere" subreddit or something. You're not one of those, are you?

  • [Deleted User]Cuddleslikeapro (deleted user)
    edited June 2021

    .

  • CatloafCatloaf

    Ah, okay. I re-read his fourth point, you're right. I'm sleepy.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    (Spoiler: Off-topic)

    cough Remember everyone, if you're vetting a member for cuddling and you think it would be helpful to skim their forum activity, use these links to view their comments and posts (replacing USERNAME with the name of the person you want to vet):
    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/profile/comments/USERNAME
    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/profile/discussions/USERNAME

  • [Deleted User]Cuddleslikeapro (deleted user)
    edited June 2021

    .

  • CatloafCatloaf
    edited June 2021

    I'm not taking it as a personal attack. My point is that I know I'm accepting, and many of our other quality pros are as well. I have thicker skin than that, but I can come off as scathing when something perplexes me. I'm a tiny bit of a hothead by nature, but if you've read me on here, you probably know that.

    But here's what confuses me more, is that you've made it a gendered issue as to women being able to have standards. The more standards we have, the more it narrows the choices. It's no different for us than you in that case, other than in supply and demand. Do you know how much of our potential attention is probably not good attention? A lot of it. But some men will ignore that we're getting harassed and still say, "At least you're getting people who want to meet you."

    Enthusiast women get hounded. I mean, hounded by messages. They get overwhelmed, they leave. What do we want them to do? Beg them to stay? Say their getting overwhelmed isn't worth it and invalidate their experience? I feel we should accept the lack of female enthusiasts with a respectful grief, because this is often what happens to the many who do show up.

    Plus (this is for the OP) the reasons for women going pro are constantly explained, time and time again:

    -They get the misconception that it's easy money
    -They get the misconception that it's zero work
    -Or maybe they're tired of being harrassed when meeting up for free, and figured getting paid would make it more worth it
    -Some might be people who intended to go pro from the beginning, but they didn't know you had to apply for Pro status - to which they were re-directed

    For clarity, I would assume that it's actually the first two bullet points as well as the last one that are the most common, and those are the pros who tend to drop off the face of the earth eventually, or just be really, really casual about their offerings with little interest or skill in what they do. They often don't last, or realize that the work is much harder to do than they think it is.

    Eh, maybe I'm tired and totally reading your comment as whiney or something. Or I could be onto something. I'm hitting the hay, night folks. @squeakytoy B)

  • herby357herby357
    edited June 2021

    @FitSmartCuddler there are many here searching for someone to be kind to them, connect with, and touch platonically. Unfortunately for your specific criteria, enthusiast are few and far between. Pre-Covid there were many more options for your criteria, particularly in the pro category, with very few enthuisast. I'm hoping as things normalize, more people will get vaccinated and return to the site. My experience here is that there are many more men here than women, and the vast majority of the women are pros.

    That being said, seems there are as many reasons for people using the site as there are users. The community rules are clear cut and upheld -- mostly through users reporting behavior outside of the community rules. Over the years I've witnessed via this forum many, many, many cases of classic transference or people developing romantic notions towards their cuddle partners even though things here are designed to be platonic. It's easy to understand how this happens with our bodies releasing the touch hormones that also occur during foreplay in a platonic cuddle session. Having had a history with therapy, and wanting to avoid this confusion, I put my cuddling in a therapy box, and have found it to be they key to enjoying the platonic cuddling experience.

    Basically, I don't expect to be friends or have an outside relationship with my massage therapist or psychological counselor, nor with my professional cuddle partners. Hang in there, over time you'll find what you're looking for or adjust your expectations accordingly.

    It took me quite a few cuddle sessions to develop a reasonable expectation/understanding of what platonic cuddling means for me. And I'm constantly revisiting it...

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    Thank you @squeakytoy

  • Lev136Lev136
    edited June 2021

    Personally, I think that many have expectations that they will find a date or long term relationship on this site , even when it is not for that at all. From the few non - pros. that I have spoken to for awhile they are unsure of what a platonic cuddle is or find the whole concept strange. Many get off the site quickly. Then there are those who only want to cuddle the perfect person.

    I agree with @Catloaf with why some go pro. Many don't' realize what they will have to do, meeting strange men and gong to their house or meeting at a hotel to cuddle. Others want to be too selective in who they cuddle, whether it is a man with a physical or emotional disability or someone who is not the type that they would ordinarily want to cuddle with. Others don't' want to cuddle or be with an older person. These types usually leave early as they find that it's hard work and not the dream job that they thought it would be.

    And yes, there are those who intended to go pro right away but didn't know you had to apply.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    To answer the title question, I've met four non-pro cuddlers through this site: three men and one woman.

    My standards are pretty reasonable, I think.

    I want
    • a sentient being
    • with a physical body
    • and no communicable illnesses
    • who won't try to get sexual or romantic with me.

    ...After this whole Covid thing is over in my state, obviously. Too difficult to verify point three otherwise. [disgruntled mumbling] Bunch of rat-licking liars....

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    It is possible to find a non-pro woman to cuddle from this site. It takes the right combination of personal appeal, persistence, and luck.

    IMO it's not worth the effort. I made the decision a long time ago to only cuddle pros on this site and I think I'm happier for it.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    So far, nope.

    I am here on Cuddle Comfort in hopes of finding someone willing to freely exchange time, affection, and connection without the responsibility and minefield of sex.

    I don’t initiate contact, simply because I have read how overwhelmed the enthusiast women on this site are, and I hate to contribute to that cacophony.

    I look at profiles local to me, or that I find have said something interesting and intelligent here on the forums.

    If someone, in turn, finds my profile interesting and reaches out to me, wonderful, but in the meantime I will keep a respectful distance.

    So, I doubt it will happen, but as they say, you are certain to fail if you never try.

  • CatloafCatloaf
    edited June 2021

    Hey @CharlesThePoet, I’d like to encourage you to still reach out to enthusiasts if you can. You might be the difference between someone leaving or staying - you never know. I want to repost something that has stuck with me ever since I first read it in these forums a couple years ago. It was a nice little numbered list of things you can do. It was advice shared by a woman, that was very practical.

    But I’ll share some advice that @littermate gave to another cuddler while I was looking for said comment. I really wish I could find that other lady’s as well but I don’t even remember her username. If anyone remembers, please repost it. We all loved it and thought it was greatly written.

    Approach women getting to know them like you'd make friends in kindergarten, commenting on something you like about their profile that isn't about their looks. If I may be so bold as to generalize, the biggest factors for many of us are, will this person be safe? kind? Sensitive to and respectful of boundaries? Warm, friendly, human goes a long way. There are so many men on here that it's easy to flip by pics without ever reading a profile if they don't look warm and friendly.

  • CuddlesByGracieCuddlesByGracie

    @FitSmartCuddler You've been on here a couple of days but your own requirement is someone who's been here six months so maybe your lack of experience/time on the site is an issue for them too? And yes of course you can have your preferences but ruling out platonic cuddles with someone based on an age difference of potentially six years or you not being sexually attracted to them is of course going to limit your pool. But don't worry there's good news too - none of the women on here want you to "lower your standards" to them, they're perfectly happy cuddling people who actually like them 🤗

    @timetocuddle07 Disregarding a difference in politics/general opinion on the 'manosphere', it's famous in part for including self proclaimed incels and misogynists. Who are... not exactly known for all the cuddles they receive and their success with women...? 😕

    Guess I'll go start looking into burning the internet down! Happy Monday all xx

  • BabichevBabichev
    edited June 2021

    Lower your standards to absurd levels? Exactly what does that mean?

    I’ll cuddle just about anyone but I think I’d make an exception for a guy who would think that cuddling me is lowering his standards to absurd levels. If you happen to travel to my area, don’t bother looking me up.

    My standards are pretty much the same as @DarrenWalker. The big problem is that most men fail on point #4.

    @FitSmartCuddler, read the comments and ponder them. There’s lots of good advice. Take it to heart. Then reexamine your criteria. Stick around the forums. You’ll find it’s much harder to find a cuddle buddy than you thought. For men, the problem is most women won’t respond in the first place. For women, we get messages but too many men either don’t understand or ignore what “platonic” means so we can’t find good cuddle partners, either.

    That’s the reality of the situation.

    I suggest you hire a pro, then you can be as picky as you want.

  • LovelyLadyMNLovelyLadyMN
    edited June 2021

    @CuddlesinSoCal-

    I believe you nailed it perfectly in your first response on why there are less non-pro women available.

  • SharedEnergySharedEnergy

    Hi @GracieGirl, the OP means someone who has logged in recently, not how much experience they have. For example, when I search for non-pros, many of the accounts are inactive. Some more than 4 years. So I apply a filter based on how long it has been since their last login. The results are much fewer. No sense trying to contact someone who hasn’t logged in in a long time.

  • [Deleted User]Deltron2000 (deleted user)
    edited June 2021

    My advice would be not to think of this as a site to meet friends, but a site for commerce. There's some people who don't want to involve money and that is awesome, but if you have a choice to make money or not make money most people will choose money. And nothing wrong with that. With a pro cuddler you can expect them to show up when you want them to show up, behave like a professional, and not hang around unless you want them to. It's a business transaction and always works out smoothly. We all want to think that someone just wants to cuddle us and be prefect guests because we are just so freaking awesome but that's not always the case and might require some swallowing of pride but that's the way it is and when you get past that it works out fine.

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited June 2021

    If you only joined a few days ago, it's a little early to get discouraged. The likelihood of you meeting someone mostly depends on your age and where you live (or can travel to). Most women have a preferred age range. Your chances are obviously greater if you live where there are many non-pro females or if you travel a lot. All that being said, it could take weeks, months or years to find someone, so you should definitely not rely on just this site to meet cuddle partners.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    @Deltron2000

    I have had an experience with a professional cuddler, and for me it was terrible.

    To be clear, my bad experience with professional cuddling had very little to do with the cuddler, and was almost entirely about the transactional nature of the exchange.

    I was very aware that I wasn’t being cuddled, the money was. If money wasn’t involved the professional wouldn’t have been there.

    Which, of course, made me very aware of my lack of personal worth, and made the entire experience feel mechanical.

    It certainly got into my head and ruined any natural emotional rewards I normally experience when holding, or being held by, another human being.

    Even the normal chemical things, like dopamine and serotonin, didn’t happen, because I was so defensive and self-controlled.

    In my mind the professional was there to take, not give, and I had to be very careful and guarded.

    Again, very little of that had to do with the professional.

    The only thing they did “wrong”, which I don’t blame them for, was to be aware of my defensiveness and try to break that defensive behavior down.

    Which, of course, is a bit like asking someone to lower their hands while you throw punches at them.

    Speaking only for myself, I learned a very valuable lesson, which is that I need emotional and intimate exchanges to be equal, and not transactional.

    I am certainly not trying to disdain those who do comfort people professionally, nor those who use their services.

    But I am sure that there are others who have experienced what I have, and it might help them to know they are not alone in that experience.

  • CuddlesByGracieCuddlesByGracie

    @MichaelCreative Thank you I misread that, it was early 😴 That being said the advice still stands regarding time on the site/no karma etc x

  • PrinceDonPrinceDon

    Well I'm new here too. But I'm not new to cuddling. Most cities / towns have meet up groups. Meet up groups are for many many different purposes, but in my city there is a meetup group for Cuddlers. A group of people who get together to snuggle but not for money. For the real reasons. I suggest googling Cuddling meetup groups in your area. Might be the answer to your question.

    For me the sexual attractiveness of my partner is completely unimportant. The only thing that is important to me is that they have a mutual desire to cuddle and are at least somewhat good at it. Cuddling is the best when both partners know how to touch or caress and there is a good fit in cuddling positions. My only requirement is that my cuddle partner was born a female and hasn't added any parts haha. Just a personal preference. Please don't judge. :-)

    As far as this site goes and pretty much any site I've ever been to for dating or cuddling or whatever, there is always a huge disparity between men and women. I too live in the dream world where men and women equally crave intimacy and it's easy to find a partner for whatever that means to you. However, that is not reality! So before you judge the original poster, who was probably a bit frustrated when he typed his post, he is right! It's not easy to find a woman for anything because of the huge disparity. I know some of you women took offense to his post, maybe because he was a bit pessimistic and cynical but I can tell you from the male perspective it is incredibly frustrating to have needs and not be able to fulfill them. I am very happily married but my wife is not a cuddler. She is okay with me seeking it out in other people. Again, however, good luck finding someone. Some of the guys on here said don't get discouraged you have to keep trying and eventually you will be successful. I agree with that. But because the competition is so great, you have to up your game as a guy. You have to be the kind of guy a woman wants to be with. Sweet, sensitive, non-threatening, respectful, intelligent, clean, etc. Don't start your post with hey you want to snuggle? Or worse yet, hey do you want to hook up? Try to get to know a lady first. Ask them how it's going for them. Engage with them about something in their profile. Find some common ground. If that goes well for a while then it may be time to move to request to meet in person. They have unlimited choices so you have to move to the top of the list.

    As far as professionals go, well, there are opportunist in every aspect of our lives. Simple economics. Supply versus demand. When supply is low and demand is high the wider the wallet usually ends up opening. I finally came to the point in my life where I'm like "okay, it's clear I'm not going to get what I want without having to pay for it so I guess I should feel fortunate that I can still achieve my most wonderful snuggling opportunities by shelling out a few bucks." I don't like it anymore than the rest of you, but it's at least some sort of consolation. I have tried a professional on this site and she is a true professional. We had a marvelous experience. I will definitely be a repeat customer and will also look towards other professionals. In the meantime, I will continue to look for a good fit in an enthusiast and hopefully will find one. Actually, I have a date with one this afternoon. Have no clue what she looks like. But that's not important. Wish me luck! And to the rest of you, I wish you luck.

Sign In or Register to comment.