@CharlesThePoet I hear you and sorry about the bad experience, I've felt the same. It can be a little emotional hurdle to be cuddled for money and it's at first it's a hit to your ego and I hard a hard time justifying it all also for a while also, but it helps to think of the saying that Time is Money. I know my time is worth money as is yours and everyone wants to have their time respected. And unless they only do pro cuddling as a side hustle on weekends or something then this is actually how they pay the rent and when you think of it that way then of course it's fine and beyond that it's a brave and admirable thing to do to show up to a strangers house to cuddle. I know I'd feel very weird about that, so it's like like we as a cuddlee are the only ones with a hurdle to get over. Anyway, hope that helps you feel better about things,
Re: @TheMidnightOwl
To the original poster, your attitude made me 🤦🏽♀️ Could be part of the reason enthusiasts like me are not interested. This. is. not. a. dating. site. Do you have those same requirements for all your friends off the site???
Of course you are entitled to feel "facepalm" about the OP's post. I just don't read much attitude into it. Why say "this is not a dating site" so emphatically? Who said it was? The OP didn't, and I don't think he even hinted that he did. And maybe he does have those same requirements for all his friends off the site. Birds of a feather flock together. A lot of pretty people prefer to surround themselves with other pretty people. Lots of handsome straight men want their male friends to be handsome as well, and it's not because they're gay, so it's not a "dating" thing. Call it superficial if you will, but a person's selectivity based on looks doesn't equate to thinking this is a dating site.
Re: @pmvines
This is not dial a date.
I don't think the OP gave us reason to believe he thought this site was anything like that. He simply listed five criteria and one hope:
I just want to find a woman [that's one criterion] who 1) isn't a Pro, 2) has been on here more recently than 6 months ago, 3) isn't 5+ years older than me, 4) doesn't have to be super hot, just reasonably appealing in some way (I'm fit and athletic but I'm flexible on body size, to a point) and 5) might actually respond to a message. — @FitSmartCuddler
The first four criteria he listed (including "a woman" and excluding "might actually respond to a message") are selectable using this site's search filters. Should the site not have search filters? The fact is that it does, and I don't think people should be shamed for utilizing them. He simply said he was looking for a woman who is "just reasonably appealing in some way." Seems reasonable to me.
P.S. I'm sorry if I'm saying too much in this discussion, but there's so much I want to say. One more thing I want to say is that I've seen in several people's profiles, including those of people who have participated in this discussion, that they are looking to cuddle eventually, after they become friends with the person or get to know them better (not just after a short video chat, apparently). Could it not be argued that if this is not a dating site that no one on here should want to become friends with a person before they cuddle with them? I'm not saying it should be one way or the other, but I don't blame anyone who wants to get right down to business, whether money is exchanged or not. It can be as simple as "I would like to cuddle with you," "I would like that too," and consent to remain within the boundaries of platonic cuddling. Some people don't want to spend more time than that; they just want cuddles. Neither one is right or wrong, but one has to find someone who wants the same thing.
I've been with a handful of female enthusiasts in-person here, and it's really more about fit than anything.
Just consider your ratio of responses you've received to declines you've made.
If that ratio is higher on the right, it's you, not them. Cuddling pretty much feels the same among different people, and it's more about how they are than how they look or their age.
The reason I say that @nurturingman is because the physical characteristics and age closeness plus use of the phrase about not needing to be too hot sounds a little date sitish. But we are free to disagree
Omg! @GracieGirl ~ I adore you! And @Catloaf ~ Same!!!
But hew-boy on that first one @nurturingman Just a heads up...
... if you have to write "don't get me wrong..." or have left your strike through edits just to be seen, those could be indicators to yourself that you might be better off doing a more thoughtful re-wording of your point, or deleting the sentiment altogether (unless you're looking to potentially derail the thread by eliciting targeted feedback), because otherwise you come off as one writing from an unsavory perspective that serves only to illuminate some problematic perceptions on your part and may even open the door for others to align you with groups it appears you hadn't intended/don't desire.
Though perhaps having potential partners read all that and then move to the next guy is your thing... If so, then disregard the above. I know I have my own ways of self-sabatoging -sheesh!- But over the years I've learned to rein in the ones that tend to create barriers to what I'm looking for from strangers... Just sayin' 🤷♀️ ~ Feel free to take it or leave it. ♡
And to @CuddlesinSoCal
@quixotic_life "Did you just shame this man for having standards? Did you seriously just shame this man, for expecting his cuddle partner to, like him, stay fit and put effort into his physical appearance? Lol. Ridiculous."
Um... at first I thought this was in jest, but now, based on some of your other comments, I'm wondering if you're serious.
Either way, no, I was not shaming him. Just pointing out what should be obvious ~ The more superficial the standards the more potential to not find a "suitable" cuddle buddy here. And, that IMO (in my opinion)/experience, squishy people are the bestest for getting squishy with ~ so he may want to reconsider them in his search. ☆
@TheMidnightOwl, you know, after being on this site for just a short time I've already started to become aware of the female perspective regarding inappropriate behavior, touching, or requests from cuddle partners. I have never condoned and I will always condemn that behavior. That is never acceptable. I'm sorry to ever hear that happening to anyone. I've always respected everyone, because that's the way I was reared. I love that we're all talking about this because it's important we voice our concerns, feelings, and expectations.
I always think that we should be empathetic with each other. We're all part of the same community here...people who like to cuddle, people who like/need physical touch/contact. This has nothing to do with anything you said, Owl, just other comments I've seen in this thread, but we need to try to understand each other's perspectives. Be careful not to read into people's comments things that aren't actually being said. @nurturingman has been pretty much right on every thing he's talked about. We are reading in too much. Instead of tearing someone apart for how they feel, maybe we should try to understand how they feel, why they feel that way, and possibly help them feel better about the situation. Imagine what it would be like if we all did that for each other. What a grand community it would be! Love to everyone! :-) Wrath to those that don't follow the rules or tear down each other!
Could it not be argued that if this is not a dating site that no one on here should want to become friends with a person before they cuddle with them?
In a word, no. That argument makes no sense unless you're suggesting that women are just wasting time not getting directly to the being sexually harassed portion of the entertainment. It's not as if I don't have sympathy for anyone who is needing physical platonic comfort, but men are upset that they are not getting cuddles while women are upset that they don't feel safe and experience considerable sexual harassment through cuddling. I'm sorry but these aren't comparable problems.
To @TheMidnightOwl and @quixotic_life - thank you and right back at you! ❤️
@FunCartel YES!!! Thank you for giving such clarity between PRO and Enthusiast.... Both are much needed but very different.
In summary, patience, empathy and communication are the three big keys.
@pmvines this..... this is what makes you so phenomenal
Just realize the more narrow your preferences, the harder it is.
@GracieGirl May I send you a friend request? You are one cool bean and I give mad respect to your comments.
@Catloaf aka one seriously cool bean herself...
Hell yes! 😁
@GracieGirl spot on! I’m so tired of “men not getting free cuddles” being compared to “women getting sexually harassed”… there’s nothing similar to that at all! So yes, women need a lot more time than a couple texts saying “let’s do this!” “I promise to respect boundaries”. That’s not enough! I’ve had so many guys say they will respect boundaries through the first couple messages and trying to say “let’s do this!” But I wanted to message them back and forth a little bit more and found them to be absolute pigs. Why in the world would I sympathize guys like this that assume women should jump right in??
These poor souls of men get ripped apart BECAUSE they put themselves in this situation. Before you start a thread saying “please pity me. I’m not getting cuddles. I just want a somewhat hot, young fit girl to cuddle for free” look around other threads (there are A LOT!!!) that explain exactly why you aren’t getting that. I’m not even an enthusiast and I get harassed. Constantly. I just had someone yesterday tell me he wanted to kiss. Last week I had someone ask if he could grab my boobs. Another saying he respects my boundaries but was “hoping” I would perform oral on him. 🤬🤮
The guys out there that are absolute sweethearts that will instantly make you feel safe, still have to go through some serious screening. Saying you’re “a good guy” isn’t going to cut it. If I go through a lot of screening to make sure you actually are a nice guy and not some pig hoping for more, I can only imagine what women enthusiasts go through. So yes, you ARE asking too much. I don’t sympathize guys like you that expect fit, young attractive women that are free and are willing to get started immediately. What you are looking for IS a dating site. Good luck.
(And btw: just because they don’t blatantly say “I’m looking for a date” doesn’t mean what he said and the criteria he is asking for isn’t dating site material. )
@quixotic_life I was only being transparent about my edits. There’s nothing more to it. I tend to proofread and proofread again, and still find edits that I feel need to be made after I post.
I wish I didn’t have to say “don’t get me wrong” but I’ve been misunderstood too many times, and have seen others misunderstood too many times (from the way I read things, anyway), that I felt it was worth prefacing what I wrote next.
@GracieGirl Of course I don’t think anyone should be sexually harassed. If some people need to spend more time getting to know others before they cuddle with them, so be it. I’d also like to think some people can establish trust in fairly short order and enjoy a cuddle without any lines being crossed.
@nurturingman You are wrong because I never labeled anyone angry or resentful and I was not addressing the OP if you read my post. I think you are making assumptions. I was making a general statement about the type of energy one puts out is what one gets back in their messages.
@sillysassy Thank you. You are a sweetheart as always.
My recommendation to anybody who complains about not being able to find someone to cuddle is simple. When people on here tell you from their own experiences exactly what it is that makes them not want to cuddle with somebody, then LISTEN TO THEM . Dont argue or defend or deflect or tell them that they are incorrect. I've seen that far too often from too many people and things will not change for them if they keep repeating the same things that are specifically being spelled out for them not to do
@pmvines , there are those who don't seem to understand. If you make a decent presentation of yourself, with a nice picture and description of yourself it will help find cuddlers. You also have to find those who are willing to be non - judgmental and understand the nature of the site and what it's for.
@Sheena123 , thanks so much for sharing your concerns. I think this is helpful information. It's important for some that still don't get it to hear what is unacceptable behavior. This is a great step in helping to irradicate this undesirable behavior. It just ruins what is meant to be a wonderful thing.
Could it not be argued that if this is not a dating site that no one on here should want to become friends with a person before they cuddle with them? In a word, no. That argument makes no sense unless you're suggesting that women are just wasting time not getting directly to the being sexually harassed portion of the entertainment. It's not as if I don't have sympathy for anyone who is needing physical platonic comfort, but men are upset that they are not getting cuddles while women are upset that they don't feel safe and experience considerable sexual harassment through cuddling. I'm sorry but these aren't comparable problems.
@nurturingman - Your original argument would be the same as expecting everyone to be ok with hooking up with complete strangers and expecting that to be fulfilling for everyone. While it is for some people, it's not for many others. Some of us, in both platonic cuddling and romantic relationships, require a buildup of rapport, mutual respect, care, TRUST, and SAFETY. Allowing complete strangers, particularly with the male population, who have repeatedly demonstrated to me and the majority of females on the planet, their entitlement and strength to force what they want despite our no's and even pleas for them to stop, is not only awkward, but totally revs up my fight/flight/freeze/fawn response, and does not feel warm and safe at all most of the time. Which is completely counter-productive to the purpose of cuddling. So yes, I expect to become trusted friends with people here before I feel relaxed enough for cuddling to reap its intended effects rather than cause the opposite, or worse, have additional crimes committed against me and/or feel pressure to fawn and acquiesce to GTFO of the situation with the least harm possible. Try to imagine what it's like to go into every meetup with a new person knowing things might get dicey, or even downright dangerous, and looking for your escape routes and hoping you have the fight in you to stop them in case that happens. Not saying males live risk-free lives, but statistically women are faaaaar more likely to be assault or murdered by men than men are by women, and we live with this threat every single day. How do you expect that fear to magically disappear because the supposed setup through this site is platonic-cuddling only? Think about it for a moment.
And....
@GracieGirl spot on! I’m so tired of “men not getting free cuddles” being compared to “women getting sexually harassed”… there’s nothing similar to that at all! So yes, women need a lot more time than a couple texts saying “let’s do this!” “I promise to respect boundaries”. That’s not enough! I’ve had so many guys say they will respect boundaries through the first couple messages and trying to say “let’s do this!” But I wanted to message them back and forth a little bit more and found them to be absolute pigs. Why in the world would I sympathize guys like this that assume women should jump right in?? These poor souls of men get ripped apart BECAUSE they put themselves in this situation. Before you start a thread saying “please pity me. I’m not getting cuddles. I just want a somewhat hot, young fit girl to cuddle for free” look around other threads (there are A LOT!!!) that explain exactly why you aren’t getting that. I’m not even an enthusiast and I get harassed. Constantly. I just had someone yesterday tell me he wanted to kiss. Last week I had someone ask if he could grab my boobs. Another saying he respects my boundaries but was “hoping” I would perform oral on him. 🤬🤮 The guys out there that are absolute sweethearts that will instantly make you feel safe, still have to go through some serious screening. Saying you’re “a good guy” isn’t going to cut it. If I go through a lot of screening to make sure you actually are a nice guy and not some pig hoping for more, I can only imagine what women enthusiasts go through. So yes, you ARE asking too much. I don’t sympathize guys like you that expect fit, young attractive women that are free and are willing to get started immediately. What you are looking for IS a dating site. Good luck. (And btw: just because they don’t blatantly say “I’m looking for a date” doesn’t mean what he said and the criteria he is asking for isn’t dating site material. )
My recommendation to anybody who complains about not being able to find someone to cuddle is simple. When people on here tell you from their own experiences exactly what it is that makes them not want to cuddle with somebody, then LISTEN TO THEM. Dont argue or defend or deflect or tell them that they are incorrect. I've seen that far too often from too many people and things will not change for them if they keep repeating the same things that are specifically being spelled out for them not to do.
Hand claps for @GracieGirl, @Sheena123, @pmvines for eternity. (Also, Sheena, I am so sorry that happened and I totally hear you.)
Also...
Cuddling pretty much feels the same among different people, and it's more about how they are than how they look or their age.
Exactly!
The more I read the forums the more the actual problem becomes clear.
It isn’t that there aren’t enough “female enthusiasts”, it’s that there are not enough patient and respectful “male enthusiasts”.
@CharlesThePoet You are absolutely correct for the most part. Geography can play a part as well.
The more I read the forums the more the actual problem becomes clear. It isn’t that there aren’t enough “female enthusiasts”, it’s that there are not enough patient and respectful “male enthusiasts”.
@CharlesThePoet You win Cuddle Comfort and the entire internet today.
@CharlesThePoet you may just be on to something.
Lol ~ @nurturingman I figured as much. I only wrote what I did because your initial remarks kinda threw me off what I'd previously presumed of your character (note: that's on me not you). And though your attempt to convey your message had the, "don't get me wrong" in it, people still got you wrong. Plus, there were lines in your subsequent posts that were somewhat cringy to problematic too (imo).
Anyway, the struggle to clearly express oneself through text alone without issue is real (well, for me anyway ~ obviously).
Wishing you all the best moving forward though.
@CharlesThePoet VALID point!
@CharlesThePoet …… super cringe-worthy comment.
Given the word choices of some posters (manosphere, incels, misogynists, lurking in the forum, etc.), it seems like you are in the right place.
But, never mind me, you’ll get plenty of brownie points and likes from the female pros and male fake-feminists on this forum.
So there you have it! We might have found the elusive solution. It's certainly worth a shot! So guys, stop freaking making the girls feel uncomfortable! Let's do everything we can to make them feel safe and comfortable. Check your desires at the door. You can pick them up on the way out. I read through several of these forums and there are countless cases where the ladies feel like they need to quit, even the pros, because of the harassment. Some have been brought to tears from their experiences. That's not how we want to treat the people we're seeking nurturing from. Like everything it's a give and take. What the ladies are looking for may be different than what we are looking for. They shouldn't fear our strength, but feel protected by it and secure in our arms. We can build this community if we all listen to each other and work towards common good. Ladies... Please report the offenders! They should be banned! Let's ditch the ones that are dragging us down. And before anyone says hey the guys get harassed too okay well.... Don't do that either!
…… super cringe-worthy comment. But, never mind me, you’ll get plenty of brownie points and likes from the female pros and male fake-feminists on this forum. Given the word choices of some posters (manosphere, incels, misogynists), it seems like you are in the right place.
…… super cringe-worthy comment. But, never mind me, you’ll get plenty of brownie points and likes from the female pros and male fake-feminists on this forum.
Given the word choices of some posters (manosphere, incels, misogynists), it seems like you are in the right place.
Lol
@FitSmartCuddler ... Our OP... Thanks for getting this conversation going. There's a chance we may have solved something that seemed impossible to solve. It will take time to fix and heal, but hopefully we can commit to starting the process. What say ye to all this, OP? :-)