First messages - what works?

ThatNiceGuyThatNiceGuy
in General

I've always been terrible at making first contact with people, talking about myself, etc (big old introvert with low self-esteem/confidence). Never know if I'm approaching people in the right way (on here or any other sites) as many just ignore me so was wondering, how do others go about making first contact? Do you keep it short and sweet? Comment on a person's profile/picture (without sounding creepy) ? Go into a deep and meaningful paragraph about yourself? Interested to know what works for you.

«13

Comments

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited February 2023

    The vast majority of opening messages from men to women enthusiasts are ignored; it's not just you. From potential clients to professionals the rate is much better, but a considerable number of messages - even good ones - still go unanswered.

    You may find these threads helpful:

  • Lonicera07Lonicera07

    For me as a female enthusiast, a thoughtful message means a lot instead of just a "what's up" or "hi", it's just nice to see the effort. I also appreciate when a profile is filled out and there's a photo. I know I took the time to complete my bio so it's nice when others do the same. It also makes it easier to find shared hobbies and interests to talk about. For safety concerns, a photo again helps me feel more comfortable with seeing who I'm talking to, and I also feel like photos are a good way to show your hobbies.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I’m consistently striking out with “ welcome to the cuddleverse “

  • [Deleted User]GreyAndGreen (deleted user)

    I really appreciate any indication that the person has read my profile.

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    Don’t use single word messages.
    Don’t copy and paste the exact same generic text to everyone you contact.

    You’re going to have to invest time into reading the person’s profile so you know something about them. Pick out 2 or 3 things from their profile that you relate to or find interesting. Those will be the topics you’ll use in your message. Don’t make it too long. You want to relate to them and while doing so reveal your personality and your own interests.

    Message me if you want to practice. Yes really. :) Message me and pretend you’d like to cuddle with me and I’ll respond and tell how you could change your approach to be more successful.

    You will need patience and put energy into this if you want to cuddle with female enthusiasts. I’m an introvert too. But I like cuddling so I learned how to get over my anxiety and shyness so I could have the life I wanted.

    Be brave, be well and good luck! : )

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    Don't get discouraged if you don't get many replies. New female cuddlers often receive pages of new messages from other guys. It can be very overwhelming for them and they may never get to your message or never reply.
    Ofcourse that probably means writing a memorable or well thought out message can improve your chances !
    I noticed the most recently logged in female cuddlers in my area that out of 8 of them only 2 have anything in their profiles. So for the mysterious 6 I'm not sure what I would say to them that wouldn't be generic. There's just nothing in their profiles to read.
    Also keep in mind lately it feels like many new female cuddlers become professional ones before long. I got two responses recently but then noticed both were becoming pro.
    Which changes everything ofcourse.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    If the "About Me" section of your profile is about 3 or 4 paragraphs long, (except as noted) you don't need to say anything about yourself in your initial message. If it isn't that long, get busy working on it. See to it that it includes everything about yourself that any woman would want to know.

    If you profile is well done, your initial message need be nothing more than an invitation to chat and and to know each other. The one reason why you might want to write something more about yourself, is when you and she seem to have something in common, i.e. you both like the same kind of music, you both have cats, you both do the same kind of work, you both have the same favorite movie, etc.

  • Lisa123Lisa123

    Here's an example!

    Hi there, my name is Lisa. I read your profile and it seems we have a few things in common 🙂 I happen to love photography and can be quite shy & awkward at times too! I'd be interested in chatting and getting to know each other a bit and see if we'd be a good match for a cuddle. Feel free to ask me any questions. Hope you're having a great day!

    Something like this shows that you've checked out their profile and you are interested in a cuddle while being respectful

  • [Deleted User]GreyAndGreen (deleted user)

    I love what @Lisa123 said about being a good match. I know some people don't need any connection, but I don't feel comfortable going to meet someone with minimal communication beforehand. For those who are okay with that, I say to each their own!

  • homeboyhomeboy

    I typically do two sentences, three at most. I reference something in the text of their profile that is interesting or that we have in common. Sometimes, but rarely, I comment about a photo if it is unique, but nothing about how attractive they are. The last sentence is typically: Check out my profile -- even though they will likely do it anyway.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited February 2023

    When I first joined, I didn’t know what I was doing and assumed I should just say hi and ask if they wanted to cuddle. I feel like a massive dummy and I cringe at the thought of that now…usually crying from sheer embarrassment while in the shower getting ready for work.

  • [Deleted User]GreyAndGreen (deleted user)

    @Charlie_Bear Instead of crying in the shower, roll out the barrels and applaud your growth. ;)

  • UREverythingUREverything

    Hello are you well rested? Because you have been cuddling in my mind all day. Boom!

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @GreyAndGreen that would be a much better use of my time. I’ll try that 😅

  • AZcuddles602AZcuddles602

    @Lisa123 That’s a fantastic sample message! I always respond when I can tell the person has read my profile.

  • [Deleted User]SnugglesRus (deleted user)

    Keep it friendly and light! A couple of sentences.

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod

    I prefer at least one sentence but I'll take a word if it's well placed. :)

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    Several messages in this thread suggest mentioning something in the profile of the woman that you're writing to. Unfortunately, my experience is that more than half of all enthusiast women's profiles contain nothing but some vague, useless fluff, and many aren't even filled out.

  • Lisa123Lisa123

    @GreatHornedOwl I do wish everyone would put something in their profile. As a pro, when I get a message, first thing I do is check their profile & so often it has little to nothing written and no pictures. Not a good first impression in my book. I can understand not wanting a pic on the profile, but then your 1st message should include a pic

  • bekah_cuddlesbekah_cuddles

    As many others have said, the most important thing is to read their profile. My time is precious, so I actually lay out exactly what I want potential cuddlers to send me in their first message in order to get a response.

    Most people appreciate at least a little effort. It shows that you're serious and not a time-waster.

  • SideonSideon

    Sometimes there's a huge gap between knowing what you want and (Example: "I want to cuddle right now.") being able to express that want to another human being without treating them like they're a product on Amazon or a at Starbucks.

    Great, there's clarity on what one wants, but if you're not taking into consideration their point of view or life experience or empathizing, your message sounds primitive at best. (Example: "You + Me + skin-to-skin clothing request + age requirement + entitled to a response = good luck.")

    This mantra has been part of my professional repertoire for many years and it's a truism, a reminder, a guide that has served me well: "read the room," which is shorthand for "know your audience and communicate accordingly."

    Can't tell you how many times folks here report someone for 1) blocking them or 2) not responding at all, both of which are NOT violations or against the site rules. The art of communication seems challenging for a lot of people. Be yourself, and be interested in the other person to whom you want to contact, which starts with reading their profile.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @Sideon - "Be yourself, and be interested in the other person to whom you want to contact, which starts with reading their profile." Is great advise, but unfortunately, impossible to apply to the roughly 50% of the enthusiasts whose profiles contain nothing to read.

  • SideonSideon

    @GreatHornedOwl the blank profiles don't want much interaction. No effort, no outcome.

  • Lisa123Lisa123

    I always wonder about the profiles with no pics, not one sentence and no friends or karma, yet have been a member for 3 years and recently active on online... What are you doing? Who are you? Are you having any cuddles?

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Always send your first message in Morse code so at least you get a message back saying “WTF?”

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @Sideon & @Lisa123 - Given the tiny number of replies that I receive, at the age of 81, I'll gladly message most any woman, filled out profile or not. One never knows. Lightning might strike.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I personally don’t try and put much energy in my first message. For a couple reasons, one of them being the return on investment is trash. But also i like to build a report and dialogue like i would in person. It may not work, but it’s because it’s not the conversation i want, clearly. If i say hello to a person and don’t get a hello back, i don’t try and formulate a better greeting for the next person. I assume that person is rude and not someone i want to know.

  • JubalJubal

    "Hey, wassup?"

    Isn't this the all-purpose sure-fire first message?

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @BashfulLoner - Which is the cause, and which is the effect? Is it possible that you have a poor return on investment because you don't try and put much energy in your first message? I'm not at all sure that I would call a woman rude for not replying to a message that didn't have much energy put into it.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    @GreatHornedOwl that very well could be the case. I would think that it’s rude for anyone to fail to respond. Again i don’t want to say it’s the rudest act, but if you speak to someone and you are clear they see you wave or hear you and they decline to acknowledge it would that be rude? Or is it something else? I understand they don’t owe me anything, but it’s the way i see it now. What would you say it is.

    Again i acknowledge that my approach could garner less responses, but im ok with that.

Sign In or Register to comment.