Men, how do you feel about sending messages that end up getting ignored?

[Deleted User]SnuggleSymmetry (deleted user)
You find a girl that looks nice and you take the time to read her profile. There are a few things that you actually have in common with her. So you take your time to write a well written message and later you see that she visited your profile but your message got ignored. Not even a, "thank you but I'm already taken or something" message. Lol, I have a love and hate relationship with the visitors feature. What are your thoughts guys? Isn't that plain rude?


  • [Deleted User]SnuggleSymmetry (deleted user)
    A big thanks to the women who actually do respond here at CC. You're polite and kind. You know who you are and you rock!
  • Rude, it is, but remember that some of the people who need hugs the most are socially immature. Just bring the horses to the water.
  • [Deleted User]SnuggleSymmetry (deleted user)
    Right on Doc.
  • It's rude but at the end of the day there's nothing one can do so I just accept it and move on. Thankfully only happened once or twice to me and one of those was more understandable given certain circumstances I won't go into. Personally, I just hate it when you contact someone, you attempt to make conversation with them and they make no effort to keep the conversation going. You almost seem like the rude one then if you're not sure what to say as a result and thus don't reply.
  • [Deleted User]GregKoeh (deleted user)
    I think this is probably not uncommon. However, rather than just leaving someone hanging, if you don't wish to go or communicate any further, please just let the person know. Just coming from my own perspective, not only would this resolve matters, but if it's a rejection (sometimes I want to change this to my middle name) then at worst you're no worse off than before.
  • [Deleted User]emo_princess (deleted user)
    I hate to sound blunt but I'm going to anyway. Women on this site do not owe you anything, we do not have to reply to anybody if we don't want to. Anyone who has dated online will know that either being ignored or incompatible is the norm, so just keep spamming the messages out there if you want to get a positive response.

    Perhaps try to put yourself in the other person's shoes, and maybe don't invest as much time in reading our profiles or crafting the perfect messages if it means that much to you.
  • [Deleted User]SnuggleSymmetry (deleted user)
    ^ I wouldn't message you anyway.
  • [Deleted User]SnuggleSymmetry (deleted user)
    Perhaps that's why there is even a cuddling movement. It's so hard to meet women these days (in usa) that you see the demand for cuddling increase. If guys can't find a girlfriend then they will seek a cuddle buddy/professional.
  • [Deleted User]emo_princess (deleted user)
    Haha aww poor you :'( my heart is bleeding
  • I'll tell you in one thing. If u message women more than 3 thousand miles away, the odds for a response go up. I appreciate @emo_princess laying it out for those who take it personally when they don't get a reply.
    If the recipiant goes to your profile and doesn't reply then you've got your answer.
    Maybe she doesn't like something about you. or maybe you look like her ex... or her brother.

  • While I'm someone who generally tries her best to reply, I'm with @emo_princess on that one: I don't owe it to anyone. I reply to things today, and don't reply to them in a month. If a person thinks that anything in my non-aggressive behavior is rude, I can't help it... can't live up to other people's expectations about me, too busy with my own life here :)

    btw, men sometimes don't reply, either... and that's okay :)
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    No one owes anyone anything here.  In a perfect world all things would unfold the way that we would like them. If a person does not respond, move on.  Women have their share of non responses, dropped conversations, weird interactions, as I am sure men do. We are different sexes, not different species.  Sometimes it is necessary to take one's ego out of the mix and approach others with an open heart if possible and with  no investment, Not always doable, but definitely a goal. I try to remind myself to seek my strength in myself and not in others, which means their non response or opinions or stances are theirs and do not affect me . Easier said than done, but I try.
  • @SnuggleSymmetry, since you bring up the issue of rude, and I just had the chance to read this thread over -- I must say that your reply to emo_princess from June 23rd is way more rude and aggressive than reserved silence of an unreplied to message will ever be. However much one may disagree with an advise that came to respond the original question, dismissing it with the remark that the opponent is not attractive enough in your eyes is insulting and demeaning, not only to the original opponent but to everyone participating in the conversation.
  • SnuggleSymmery's comment is another example of social immaturity.
  • The kettle calling the pot black.
  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)
    Personally I prefer to do platonic cuddling with other women - if I were looking to cuddle with a man, it would probably only be in the context of a romantic relationship... in which case, I would use a dating website like OkCupid or something like that.

    I've also noticed that many people think it's more rude to reply and reject someone than to just ignore the message, so I feel like it's a no-win situation. Some guys have even responded in an angry, rude way on online dating sites, so it's understandable that women don't want to say anything.

    My approach is generally to reply and politely decline if the message seems genuine and well written, but if someone just says "Hi" or something generic, I will probably ignore it.
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)

    Sunflowerfield and all, I suspect that people that think a reply that says "no" is more rude, i.e. rejects, are the people that internalize rejection as a personal affront rather than a generalized "not interested". Hard not to do.

    The essence of self-esteem means that you validate your own worth as a person. If you truly respect who you are, external circumstances or judgement won’t determine how you view yourself. Just being aware of this and stopping habitual responses to perceived rejection often make a huge difference. It is hard, but self awareness makes all the difference.

    Personally I fail often! I do get back on the horse when I fall off with no self recrimination, and an apology to the other if necessary.

    Unless the approach is really crass/ rude/offensive/obnoxious I do try to respond... but that is my personal decision. As I stated before, no one owes anyone anything here. I've learned that people are too varied and humans have so many  differences, that to get upset over someone not being happy with who I am is beneficial or realistic.  That changes in a close or intimate relationship of course, but THAT is a different tale....

  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    Grrrr! ' that to get upset over someone not being happy with who I am is NOT beneficial or realistic'. Sorry for leaving that important word out!
  • I have to say, please don't get upset with people not responding. There are hundreds of possible reasons for this.

    They could just be shy, have a hard time articulating how to respond or be nervous about responding (maybe because they've had a bad experience with this)
    Give people the benefit of the doubt. Not only for them, but for you. Assume that there is something else going on that you don't know about and that it has nothing to do with you personally. This will be less stressful and put you in a better mindset for communicating if someone does have the courage to respond.

    Men, keep in mind that we have an uphill battle with this because there are alot of creepy/aggressive men out there which makes women wary. Especially in this ambiguous online context.
  • [Deleted User]emo_princess (deleted user)
    And having a good attitude as demonstrated by @snugglecub ^ is bound to greatly improve your chances of getting responses too :)
  • Yes, an attitude built on acceptance and self esteem will attract others.
  • [Deleted User]Stucksam (deleted user)
    It is a classic example of what people take more offense to - Getting ignored or Getting rejected.
    I personally am okay if I am ignored (as has happened a few times here).

    Having said that one of the things that I have learnt through cuddling is the art of saying No if I am not comfortable with something and hence I will prefer being turned down politely with or without a reason rather than being ignored completely.

    However, like I mentioned earlier, I am okay with being ignored, just wouldnt prefer to be :)

  • @emo_princess

    was the first one to knock this out of the park, and then OP proved her point. And that of the other feminine entities here. No one, on any dating (or platonic cuddle site) owes you jack shit. Period. Ever. Not even if you have a dick pic on your profile, or write an essay, or take them on a nice fancy expensive dinner, or confess your undying love. That is "Fuckboitus". It comes from low self-esteem, with a simultaneously big ego. I am not sure exactly how the two are possible, but they are. It comes from a scarcity view, like this one girl you are writing a message to is the one that will be a beast in the sheets, or the one you fall in love with, or the one you marry or some fantastical crap like that. News flash, that isn't going to happen. You will get rejected, a lot. Just like those super hot girls you are writing to, guess what, get rejected as well. They don't tend to waste time on those they can sense have fuckboitus, as they can look for someone that is well put together instead.

    Also consider this, chances are extremely high the woman you are writing to have either a stuffed full inbox, your opening line or title sucked and she didn't bother reading your message, or quite simply you don't stand out enough to make an impression.

    All things considered, I do alright. Locally when talking to feminine individuals, as well as online. Considerably better than most masculine types for sure. By doing alright, I mean I get no response back or straight out reject about 2/3rds of the time.

    So what?

    There are over 7 billion people on the planet, and most of them happen to have a vagina. Get over yourself, check your ego, and move on with life.
  • Oh, mind you, I just checked my inbox here. I rejected every one of the messages I got from here.
  • well if they never respond that's one thing...but if they stop responding after a few messages, it does suck...but like someone else said no one owes you a thing here.  So yah it sucks, but whatever, move on...someone is bound to like what you say

  • No one to message where I live because the last local woman hasn't been online for 2 months. I guess Australian women aint into hugging.
  • @pete11 message them anyway, they will get an email.
  • It's not about owing anyone anything. It's about common courtesy. Yes, it is normally known  when someone ignores you it's a no. However, this is a community of people trying to do something to bring themselves closer. So if you can't carry that attitude when dealing with other people then how can you do it while cuddling with someone?v it's not about owing anyone anything. It's about common courtesy. Yes, it is normally know when someone ignores you it's a no. However, this is a community of people trying to do something to bring themselves closer. So if you can't carry that attitude when dealing with other people then how can you do it while cuddling with someone? 
  • I do not feel offended at all, because at the end of the day it's all about feeling comfortable with the person you're cuddling with, and I agree with an earlier post that it is more of a battle for women to look through the different profiles and weed out the weirdos.
  • Honestly I won't respond to people who are much older than me or live too far away because I'm really looking for someone close by who is around my age.
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