Fair, i didn't think anyone needed support i did miss read the room. I was sharing an independent thought not considering her, apparently.
I should have ignored the thread all together just like she ignored his message. I am only trying to be a better man.
@Mike403 @TxTom @CharlieBear - pardon me if you three aren't moderators. I'm fairly new to the forum scene so until recently I haven't paid much attention to who's a mod and who isn't...
Requesting that this forum discussion be closely monitored and potentially closed to new comments if needed. Emotions have been steadily rising since the start of the thread and while I don't think every thread should be shut down due to elevated emotions, this discussion is spiraling down a dark road fast and has gone from being constructive to being far from it. Thanks!
An important truth that some seem to need to learn is "No response is a response."
We've all been there. You send a message and you hope someone replies. They may check out your profile afterwards and then nada. It happens here and anywhere women may get inundated with messages. But even then. You might build a connection with someone, send messages back and forth, meet, develop a relationship, friendship or otherwise. Guess what? You still may send a message one day and never get another response. If you cannot handle that initial "no response", you sure are not ready for being ghosted later on.
People have many reasons for not responding. Most of them aren't even personal, but it's easy to have a selfish mindset that it IS personal and that all women hate me and I'm just a loser that will never find love and acceptance. Men in this thread defending the actions of this guy? Check your attitude. See where you need to grow as a person. Learn that silence is sometimes all the answer you'll get. And learn that it's unhealthy to invest that much emotional energy into that. You'll be a much happier person for it.
Maybe there should be an option that says people cannot message you unless you message them first?
@Drewski1138
And learn that it's unhealthy to invest that much emotional energy into that. You'll be a much happier person for it.
That's extremely healthy advice to give (and to take). For any of us on this, or similar, sites. Thank you for posting that, it's great!
This is beta-male behavior.
The origin of this extremely unappealing "Me! Me! Me! Now! Now! Now!" phenomenon is the result of a generation or two of young boys being raised without a strong father figure. Someone who will discipline the boy, and raise him to not think of himself as the center of the universe.
So today, beta-males now constitute a large percentage of the population.
However, by simply observing contemporary social trends, it seems that this is largely what society wants these days.
@bobadevotee I think you misread @CharlesInWI . He has always been an ally and feminist that I have observed. I read his "this is why I don't approach women" more as putting the ball in our court because he is concerned about accidentally crossing the line and would rather allow us to reach out if we are interested instead of him "chasing".
@TxTom "beta males" is incel speak used to other and belittle men who do not fit the hyper masculine stereotypes. Their cult mentality worships the "one true way" to be a man and anyone who doesn't conform to that is attacked. They'd rather blame "betas" and women for their lack of introspection and social skills than actually use critical thinking skills to take responsibility and control of their own lives. Masculinity can present in multiple ways, just as feminity can. It's not black and white.
Yeah that's not a matter of alpha or beta , just a dude whining that he didn't get something
I don't believe OP left just because of a single message she received. She left because she was triggered by it and then did not like that the rule about not posting screenshots of private conversations was brought up. She felt attacked that the rules would still apply to her, which is entirely on her and chances are she wouldn't have lasted long on the site anyway.
Yes, men's entitlement is a problem on the site and in general, but that doesn't give carte blanche to throw tantrums. Venting is absolutely understandable, and it's also understandable if she didn't yet know the rule as a newbie. But to leave the site in a huff like that? Better to step away from the computer for awhile, cool down, and talk to mods when not as triggered.
The lack of women enthusiasts isn't just because of situations like this. It's a multitude of reasons, but the primary being that in general women don't have as hard of a time finding willing cuddle partners so they don't need to go to a specific website to find them.
@KingsportCuddle I'm not a moderator.
@cuddlefaery You apparently missed the part of my comment where I never once blamed women for needy beta-male behavior.
@TxTom and I did not say you did, but perhaps you should be careful about co-opting their language if you don't want people to assume you believe as they do.
@cuddlefaery i agree with everything you said in your first comment. I got the same impression from @CharlesInWI statement. Also about the beta male speak, i find that less than impressive.
@cuddlefaery I really appreciate your fairness and even-handedness. Maybe it would help to remember to express sympathy while gently citing rule violations.
Naw @cuddlefaery I’m not drinking the koolaid. Lots of shit this guy says throughout the forums is word for word talking points I’ve seen in extremist forums. Don’t care. There’s no excuse for that type of rhetoric.
If you stand for nothing, I guess you’ll fall for anything. I choose to stand for something and will always call out sexist bs when I see it.
@Hugginsworth thank you, and agreed that sympathy can go a long way. But I would also challenge people to rethink the idea that direct, straight forward language is somehow less sympathetic.
For one, tone is often lost in text (it's why I tend to use a lot of emojis and tone indicators), so it could very well be that an author intended something to come out "gentler" than it did. Then there's the issue that some people just speak more plainly and directly, either because that is how they were socialized or because they are neurodivergent and that is how their brain works. And then there's the concept that "niceness" and "kindness" are not the same thing - niceness, aka politeness, is doing something because society dictates it is correct, vs. kindness is about treating people with dignity, respect, and empathy. "Nice" may appear gentler, but it is not always the kinder option as it can often be misinterpreted, favor avoiding conflict over the truth, and can be used to conceal unkind intentions. There may be a time for both, but personally I'll choose kindness over niceness.
Someone simply stating the rules of the forum shouldn't be viewed as being ungentle or unkind simply because it wasn't dressed up with extra nice words. It's intention was to be helpful and to simply communicate information, and it did that.
@Drewski1138 good to see there are some dudes on this site with emotional maturity and regard for other people.
Lol @bobadevotee , that anyone could read these forums and consider me to be unopinionated, taking the side of men in general, or "standing for nothing" is hilarious 🤣🤣🤣
I’ve gotten a few DMs already from women appreciating what I’ve said here, so now I’m happy 😂 Thank you to the women who have sent support, and I’m sorry you don’t feel safe enough to comment that support here.
With that, I’m out of this thread, no need to reply or expect a conversation out of me. I’m bored and have some tiny garlic roasted potatoes to eat. ✌️
@cuddlefaery ive enjoyed your posts the most tonight. I want you to know you've been appreciated out loud so that there isn't any doubt.
I used to get upset when I didn’t get a reply from an enthusiast or especially a pro. Then I came to realize that it was my insecurities acting up on my fear of rejection. If someone doesn’t reply, then that’s their answer. Rejection is a part of life I’ve learned. Every rejection that I’ve gone through his made it easier to move forward.
I don't really get the rejection conversation though. Not replying within an arbitrary timeframe isn't rejection .
I think we are assuming rejection because from the his response it seems as though he feels rejected, and i can see how that feeling can occur. He could just be entitled, he also could just be to open to sharing his thoughts. Rejection seems most plausible to me, maybe not reasonable.
What's confusing to me as I read back is that I do not see ANYONE defending what the guy did. I see people offering possible explanations from previous experience on this site, people empathizing with both sides since rejection is a rather universal experience, and people in general stating that responding that way to rejection is inappropriate. I do not see anyone justifying his actions nor saying OP was in the wrong for being upset at his behavior.
There is a place for righteous anger, but make sure you're aiming at the right targets else collateral damage causes more problems in the long run.
I find this happens often, someone feels so strongly about a certain thing that everything is that. No matter how hard the room tries to steer conversely from that thing, a couple just get louder about that thing. I may not be right but i try to be, but maybe i see it wrong.
Someone expecting a reply within a time frame is your garden variety control freak. They are born with a cosmic egg timer in their head that commences when the spirit moves them. So treat it like the person with the phone that has an alarm set for everything…with disdain and physical distance.
A couple of strong opinions and a request to close the thread “due to strong emotions “ why?
One should be able to handle the many different ways people converse. If it’s triggering, hit the back button 👈🏽.
Lack of female enthusiasts isn’t just an abundance of willing participants- it’s much more than that.
@Tigerlilly32
A couple of strong opinions and a request to close the thread... why? One should be able to handle the many different ways people converse.
A couple of strong opinions and a request to close the thread... why?
One should be able to handle the many different ways people converse.
Agreed. If only that were true. Unfortunately, many adults today cannot handle perspectives or opinions that are different from their own.
Aside from the alpha beta argument being scientifically disproven I’d say the definition of what is a beta (or weak) man is someone who can’t help but comment that others are weak in order to make themselves feel strong and intelligent. Some might be more careful who they call beta… bad (or shall I say weak) form.
On another note: the time the guy gave her to respond in the originally posted photo of the convo was nothing. He was a grumpy jerk who wants to take it out on a woman who might say no to him in the first place and by the entitled behavior I’m thinking it was going to happen.
And then: Okay, the list of people that commenter thought were mods gave made me laugh to the point of tears. You got 1 right out of 3. Welcome to CC sir.
Continuing on: some days the forum makes me wonder how many people are still wearing pampers pull ups. Forum theme song: ‘I’m a big kid now!’
A major struggle all of us face from different angles is how our society treats intimacy, both platonically and otherwise, and OP's experience is a perfect example of that. Regardless of what anyone's personal opinions are on what's right and wrong about how society teaches us to engage with each other, the fact that many of us are under equipped to deal with intimacy in a healthy, safe way for everyone involved is an unimpeachable fact.
We can argue the specifics all day if we want, but the fundamental fact is that this system we operate within leaves many of us lonely with no sure and guaranteed safe way to solve that problem. For men the social model often promotes stoicism, it says that to be masculine is to be an invulnerable fortress emotionally, where the only acceptable outlets for emotion are extremely limited and often violent, and leave no room for softness, or vulnerability, when the ability to express these things safely are inherent needs within the human experience. For women the social model often promotes softness and compliance, fluidity and emotion, but only within a certain, often demure and polite, socially acceptable range that leaves no room for justified anger and saying no to protect healthy boundaries is not only discouraged, it's downright dangerous, when the ability to express both things safely are also inherent needs within the human experience. Even those who fall outside the gender binary are pressed toward one side or the other from birth, and all of us, men, women, other and neither are all put in these little boxes of how we're supposed to act and not act no matter where we fall in all this mess, and all of us suffer under it in one way or another.
Why are there so few women enthusiasts? Because people being under equipped deal with intimacy in a healthy, safe way for everyone under the circumstances society puts us all in is an inherently scary situation for. It's vulnerable, it's risky, and for many, many women that risk is far more than just on an emotional level. I know many women wish it was safer, and if it was they would join up in a heartbeat, because we need platonic intimacy just like men do, it's just not always safe for us to look for it in mixed company. Sadly, far too many of us are bombarded with the kinds of messages OP shared, our bids for healthy platonic intimacy being met with cruel and entitled behavior is a common occurrence, and managing that is not for everyone.
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