How does meeting up actually work?

SwoonkleSwoonkle
in General

I made an account on here a long time ago and haven't actually used it to try to meet up with anyone. Can you describe how it actually works for you, in detail? I have social anxiety and think that reducing uncertainty would help me be more comfortable with the idea.

Do you meet in a public place first? Do you not cuddle on the first meetup with someone new? When you do cuddle, do you talk? Do you just read books? Watch a movie? In bed or a couch? etc. Any details about real-life experiences you can tell me about would help.

  1. Have you used this site to cuddle with people in real life?55 votes
    1. No
      10.91%
    2. Yes, only pros
      32.73%
    3. Yes, only non-pros
      16.36%
    4. Yes, both pros and non-pros
      40.00%

Comments

  • meowmix1313meowmix1313

    Hey! I have anxiety and have had great success finding amazing people to cuddle with from this site for a few years now. Many cuddlers will be happy to meet in public first (some for a fee) and see how you jive. That being said, I would recommend finding someone with a lot of good feedback who has a profile you jive with and just jump in with both feet! Most pros are used to anxiety filed first timers and they will help ease you into it. I personally prefer it when the cuddler is the host because it is their space and they are more relaxed which makes me more relaxed. Usually there is a bit of small talk at first and then you just kinda naturally fall into a cuddle position and usually keep chatting while cuddling. Any specific questions feel free to ask!

  • marthmarth
    edited October 2024

    So I've cuddled with pros and they were super nice and made the session safe and relaxing! They differed a little with how we first interacted, but generally this is how they went:

    1. We met via zoom to briefly chat, walk through expectations and boundaries, and set a time to meet in person (either at the pro's or my place).

    2. We'd meet up either at the pro's or my place.

    3. For pros, some require a deposit in advance, others might ask to pay it all in full when you meet. I usually pay in cash when we meet.

    4. We cuddle. Growing up, I was touch averse so I'd let the pro lead the way on how they'd like to cuddle. After like 3 minutes, my nervousness goes away and we enjoy the time and chat. If we need to reposition or anything, we do that.

    Since you mentioned you have social anxiety, I definitely think having a zoom call before can help ease your nerves. And you can also layout any expectations or boundaries you have too. I can't speak for every Pro on this site if they would be as accommodating, but the pros I've cuddled with have been!

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    I have anxiety issues and this site has definitely helped me with dealing with that, though that is not the main reason I cuddle. I am finding that I am now completely comfortable meeting someone for the first time and cuddling them without even knowing much about them first, though I do try to chat with who I can at the time if they are willing before hand. Some pros aren’t really going to want to chat, though the ones that I have cuddled hadn’t taken that approach. We’ll spend part of the time together getting to know one another while cuddling, and so far everyone that I’ve cuddled has been amazing.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    You may find these threads helpful:

  • warmlyhelenawarmlyhelena

    I have a lot of social anxiety. For me, having a set "routine" helps me. Very similar to what @marth thoughtfully laid out.

    1. Exchange a few messages
    2. Schedule a phone call or Zoom
    3. Meet first in public, in a place I'm familiar and comfortable with (ngl, if they have good karma, have shared photos, and the zoom/call have made it feel safe to do so, I sometimes skip this step because of the anxiety going out causes me)
    4. They come to the cuddle house and I meet them outside with my pup
    5. We walk in, bevvies are offered, we get compensation sorted, and sit and talk for a few minutes off the clock
    6. Cuddle time in bed! This starts with a hand hold or light touch some times, other times we jump right in. Soft music is playing, the light is right, and I wear scent or no scent based on what they've told me their preference is.

    Maybe asking a potential cuddler to make you an outline of their process, like this, might help. Make a list of your questions, don't be afraid to ask! Any good cuddle buddy, pro or non pro, will want to go the extra mile to make sure you feel comfortable and confident. Good luck!

  • [Deleted User]stlovescuddles (deleted user)

    Cuddling with non pros is almost impossible. One has to be very patient and efficient. With pros, is totally different coz it’s a business type setting. They respond quickly. That’s my experience

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Swoonkle
    The truth is, any of what you wrote can be your experience. It can be however you want it to be - whatever would make you most comfortable. But I know that sounds vague and unhelpful, so I'll give specifics, as you asked...

    When I first started meeting up in person, I did so with the understanding that there would be no cuddling, at first. I just wanted to meet people I had been chatting with through the site, and start making connections in person. I would meet them for coffee, dinner, I even arranged a little group outing to the Botanic Gardens. 🪻🌿 🪷 In all instances, we had great talks, and then parted ways.

    As I joined in my first few group cuddles (my first experience cuddling outside of a relationship), I gained more confidence in how to screen people and go about things safely.

    It became common to hang out, after the group cuddles. Sometimes one-on-one for snacks, sometimes a couple of us would go to dinner. (Nowadays there's a standing offer for the entire group to go to dinner, afterward.)

    Some of those connections led me to actually cuddling those people, one-on-one. Like after cuddling someone in group, we went to get donuts, and then went to eat the donuts in a park, and cuddled at the park. It was in public, in daylight, and I felt 100% safe. 🍩🌳 That person is now a good friend of mine, and one of the few people who I trust enough that I go to their house, alone, to cuddle. (I generally only cuddle in Public.)

    Outside of the group cuddle scenario, which gives you an easy way to run in the same circles as others, and suss people out naturally, there's just using the site, by itself.

    I like to message back and forth with people here and get to know them, see if we click, see what kinds of questions they ask, and how they respond to mine. Those with sexual intentions will very quickly make themselves known. 🙅🏻‍♀️ Those interested in genuine friendship will give a completely different vibe. Those are the types that I want to meet, and by the time I do meet them, usually for coffee or lunch, I already know I'm comfortable and trust them, and we very often go directly into a cuddle, after we finish lunch or whatever.

    If for some reason I'm meeting someone I don't know that well, yet (like someone contacted me from an area I'm traveling to in a few days), I have no issue meeting them, but I may not cuddle them after that initial meeting. It's perfectly okay to tell someone that you may or may not be comfortable cuddling, and you can both just walk away after a nice chat, no hard feelings.

    Sometimes all people want to do is talk...they may be on a cuddling site, but connection comes in many ways. I had a guy who wanted to have lunch with me, and we never even got to cuddling...but we spent twelve hours straight talking, at the restaurant, then in a coffee shop when the restaurant closed, then on the patio when the coffee shop closed. 😄 He was ecstatic to have had someone to listen to him.

    As for the actual cuddling, I start off everyone with Public cuddles. This is usually in a park, on picnic blankets and a body pillow, under a shady tree, preferably beside a lake or stream. 🦋🦆

    You can begin however you are comfortable. I had one guy with a lot of anxiety about being in public, and he wanted to sit cross-legged and talk, then hold hands, then hug, then eventually lay in my lap so I could rub his head. We never "really cuddled", by my definition, but it was a big step for him, and I was proud of him.

    I've had other guys who immediately lay down and are chomping at the bit to wrap around each other like a pretzel. I'm open to whichever; I long-since got over my discomfort with the worry of people watching us. What matters to me is if I feel safe with the person...and if I'm putting down a blanket to cuddle with them at all, then I've already decided I feel safe with them.

    It's best to start off by finding out what kind of cuddling you both are open to. This can be an actual conversation, before you get into the cuddle spot, where you talk about big spoon/little spoon, don't touch my beard, I love deep scratches, I'm subconscious about my tummy, I like gentle neck rubs, don't hold my wrists, etc. Or it can be done as the cuddle takes place, in which case there are two extremes: Some people go with a blanket consent - "do anything non-sexual, and I'll tell you if you do something I'm not okay with". Others go with ask and wait - "ask before each new touch/position, and wait for a verbal yes".

    I do a bit of a blend, as the cuddle begins. I like to start off with someone brand new, by asking before each new touch, but that can very quickly progress to deep comfort. (It doesn't have to look like starting two feet apart and slowly working up to touching knees. 🤣) We may start right off with laying down face to face, and I'll ask if they're cool with me draping my leg over theirs, and they'll ask if I'm comfortable with them playing with my hair, I'll ask if they prefer back scratches or back rubs, and within fifteen seconds, we're already in comfortable, consenting bliss. 😌 For me, as soon as a touch or position is consented to, it's considered fine for the rest of that cuddle, unless consent is withdrawn (verbally or through body language that indicates any level of discomfort).

    For communication's sake, I do not like to do movie theater cuddles as a first cuddle. It is almost impossible to express those little nuances of, "a little higher", "less pressure on my neck, please", "is this comfortable for you", "would it be okay if I hold your hand", "do you want to lay against me", etc. etc. I like to be in a quiet setting for the initial cuddle with someone, so boundaries and preferences can be shared freely. After that, movie cuddles are great! 🎟

    Regarding the people-watching thing, I always remind my cuddle friends that no one there knows our situation - no one would ever think or guess that we are "strangers" cuddling for the first time. Most likely, everyone assumes we are a couple. 🤭 Not because anything romantic or sexual is happening, but simply because society sees two opposite-gendered people in an affectionate setting, and make natural assumptions. So they likely think nothing about it. I used to feel uncomfortable worrying about being looked at, but that went away very fast, as I'm always so zoned in on my cuddle friend.

    As far as conversation and cuddles, it depends entirely on you and your cuddle partner. Some of my cuddle friends are very chatty, some are very quiet and zen. Some want to download their life update and get mine. Some want to trauma dump for an hour and a half, and don't have the emotional space to hear what you're going through. Some want to play music, or flip on a movie, or bring the dogs into the cuddle, or fall asleep. Some want to change positions every few minutes, others will spoon for an hour and never move. Some like tight squeezes, others like feather-light caresses. I've had silly conversations with people while cuddling, where my cheeks hurt from smiling so much, and I've had incredibly deep conversations while cuddling, where one or both of us were in tears, sharing with each other. It will be different with each person, how comfortable you are with them, their personality, the setting, etc.

    If you're meeting with enthusiasts (and some Pro's), cuddling can turn into real friendships, and that's what I love most about this... When we can just meet up and go to Meow Wolf, or grab tacos, drive through the mountains, or explore the art district, and cuddles don't even factor in. 🐉🌮 🏞 🌆

    It's a beautiful thing, and I hope you dip your toe in the waters, soon! If you're interested in reading more about when I first began cuddling, you can do so, here.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Junkie 📸 Shutter Bug

  • TxTomTxTom

    How does meeting up actually work?

    I carefully scrutinize the woman's profile and try to determine if we'd "click". I try to get a vibe from her About me, Facts, and photos.

    If I think we'd be a good match, then I'll reach out to her. I'll message once, and if necessary, wait a few days, and then reach out again. If still no response, I'll wait a month or so and then try messaging her one more time.

    If she responds, I'll exchange a few pleasantries or mention something we have in common, and then try to secure a booking. I don't really like to engage in too much online small talk before I meet someone.*

    I generally host, and when she arrives, whether first timer or repeat, I like to sit on the couch and just talk... either get to know her a bit, or catch up since our last session.

    Usually during our conversation we'll naturally drift physically closer to one another. Most of the time we'll then move into the bedroom (unlike some folks on here who think it's a giant rip-off, I love to sleep while cuddling), but sometimes we'll watch a movie or documentary instead. It just depends on the vibe.

    • My experience on this site has only been with Pros. And while I wouldn't mind finding a fellow enthusiast, from what I understand, it takes a loooooong time to build rapport before any cuddling commences. If whenever I have that kind of time and patience to invest, I'll just transition back out onto the dating scene.
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