If you’re married and your spouse doesn’t know you’re on this website - is cuddling considered cheating?
Yes, No, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell???
Not everyone all at once please.
That would depend on the dynamics of your individual relationship.
@Anthony404 Yes. It is at best dishonest.
Every relationship needs good communication. Lack of communication like you're suggesting here leads only to hurt.
If she does it it's not, but if you do it then obviously it is
Only married? What about exclusive dating or significant others/committed partners? Does it matter if it's a Pro or enthusiast as the "other" cuddler? Nah, there are too many other situations/dynamics and sure not my call to make for others. For me, it's a (MYOB) NO.
Everyone needs their touch needs met. the sad reality is that there are many people that don't get that from there spouse. it's dishonest yes but i would not call platonic cuddling cheating but it could be trust breaking and could hurt your relationship. that being said for myself if my needs are not being met i'm not going to be the best i can be for my partner and if platonically cuddling with someone meets those needs so i can show up for my partner in other ways it could still be the best thing for the relationship. I am very lucky that I have the ability to be forthcoming with my partner that i need a need met and i'm going to get it where i need to. but i am not niave enough to think that everyone can do that.
For me and my romantic partners, no, because of special things called honesty, disclosure, consent, and communication.
If you have to lie directly or lie by omission about being physically intimate with someone who isn't your partner, then YES, you are cheating.
Yes it is
More important than what strangers on the Internet think is what your partner is likely to think. You know them - we don't. Do you think your partner would see you cuddling in secret to be a betrayal, or would they not care?
If your partner would be upset about it and/or it’s done without their knowledge or agreement I’d think it would be considered cheating. Some couples may be totally fine with it but it would still need to be openly and honestly communicated.
Here's my 2 cents. Every relationship is entered under a standard set of accepted rules depending on the culture you live in, unless otherwise stated. In ours (US), pretty much any form of physical intimacy past a hug tends to be considered reserved for your romantic partner. Even hugging for too long with non family members tends to raise eyebrows. Based on that, if you and your partner have explicitly decided it is ok then it is. If not, then not.
In my relationship it would be. But not necessarily. I don't want to want or need to cuddle with anyone else and i do t want my partner to either. If that is a need from either of us i would think there is a conversation that needs to happen, it's not a definitive yes. But i would like to think i wouldn't have a relationship that would require that. But outside of my relationship no, as long as those folks are clear with each other.
To clarify what I said (and I think repeat what a few people have said or alluded to), the cheating is the lack of communication and consent.
What @IronLemon said.
I'm also stating that in my relationship (as I'd want it now) I'd would be. But i don't have one so im open to the discussion with a partner.
Go ask your spouse? If your asking its because you don't feel right about it
Unless you and your partner have agreed it's not cheating, then it most likely is.
I mean, shy of extenuating circumstances with explicit permission, it usually would be considered as such by most everyone, yes.
It’s just interesting how many people feel the need to do such things due to their basic needs not being met at home. People can’t even get decent hugs at home. Can’t even get interesting conversation. Can’t feel appreciated. Can’t feel attractive.
Historically speaking, such things make you a high risk for a full blown affair. What’s interesting to me is that if you take the sexual part out of the equation, as well as the aspect of knowing someone outside of the marriage for an extended period of time which is how affairs typically ignite…. people will still seek out extramarital activity.
With all this in mind, it seems like many if not most marriages, are fundamentally broken, whether people want to admit it or not. If someone can’t even hug and cuddle with their spouse in any meaningful way, and have to get such things elsewhere in secret…. their marriage is fundamentally broken.
So in my opinion the real question here isn’t “is it cheating”. It’s more like, is it morally acceptable to participate in such things when you’re stuck in a marriage that is fundamentally broken, or at least does the idea that the activities are platonic make it morally superior to a traditional affair. That’s the real question, not “is it cheating”.
If you really are seeking an answer-Ask yourself these questions.
What would my spouse's reaction be if he/she finds me "cuddling" someone?
What would me reaction be if I found my spouse "cuddling"
Cuddling is intimate. Point Blank. Period
The OP already knows what they believe to be the answer- Always Know- what the little voice inside tells you can never be drowned out- no matter how many others may give you the opposite response.
Go with your gut.
Now I can't agree with this one because your partner may disagree with your gut. It's pretty often the case. However, if your gut tells you that even asking will be a problem maybe then go with your gut XD
I think that if you're doing it behind your SO back then it would be cheating. Whether it's a pro, enthusiast, or someone you know already. If you aren't willing to share the info with your partner then it's cheating.
Nobody can answer that question for someone else. Unless of course that person has outsourced their identity.
I don't think it falls under the realm of cheating no. Not if fully platonic. Dishonest by exclusion, maybe. Is a platonic hug of an opposite sex friend considered cheating? Would it be considered cheating if a straight man cuddles with another straight man with zero romantic intent?
I feel like a platonic cuddle not being disclosed falls under the same category as lying to your partner about what you are doing/where you are going, i.e., going drinking with an office buddy and telling your partner you are working overtime.
Doing anything outside of the relationship without consent is cheating, the severity of this depends on the what exactly you get up to, the risk of fallout should your partner find out through another means.
I am married, and I have consent for all the things on my profile. We have excellent communication and we acknowledge that our needs and priorities at this time in our lives are different. My wife is very focussed on a project, I am taking a gap year from work.
I always wonder so I’ll ask - To the married men here, how would you feel if your wife was in bed cuddling with another man without telling you? You might be 💯 fine with it! (Some people have an open marriage agreement). But for those who aren’t ok about it, even if it’s Platonic cuddling in a private location in bed….? I have to say, especially to married people, if you’re doing it and keeping it a secret, it’s probably because you know they wouldn’t like it.
I made a video on this topic but I don’t think I can post it here because all of my socials link to my website
Edit I decided to transcribe the video so I can share my thoughts:
Does seeing a cuddle therapist count as cheating? So I cannot give you a definitive yes or no here because every relationship is different and has their own boundaries. So speak to your partner and ask them what they consider cheating to be and if they'd be okay with you seeing a cuddle therapist. So just so you know, this is a professional platonic and therapeutic service. It's a form of bodywork, like massage therapy, energy therapy. We have a clear code of conduct, so we have an agreement that this is not going to be sexual or romantic in any way. Also, cuddling in itself is a neutral activity. Our society loves to make everything taboo and sexualized, but people cuddle their pets, their friends, family, their children in a completely non-sexual way. Would you consider your girlfriend cuddling your dog, cheating? Why do people come see me if they're already in relationship? Well, one common reason is different touch needs. I've had people whose partners have actually told them to see a cuddle therapist because they didn't like cuddling and they didn't like being bothered to cuddle. Some people have grown apart over years of being together, or they're having issues in their marriage or relationship, and they just need someone who is nurturing and not have that tension there like they would with their partner. Some people just need to relax and get away for a few hours, and it's like a spa day for them. For some people, it's like an alternative to seeing a therapist. They just want an objective third party to talk to without the formality of mental health therapy. The cuddling just helps them relax and open up. And also this can help people better their relationships because we work on communication skills, asking for what we want, boundaries, consent. So sometimes the tools you get from a cuddle session, you can take home to your partner and better communicate what you want and need from them and maybe even show them a few cuddle positions. So if this is something you're really interested in and you're in a relationship, talk to your partner, explain what cuddle therapy is, what the boundaries are, and make sure to vet your cuddle therapist and that you're on the same page with you choose to have a cuddle session with. Like and follow for more cuddle content.
Seperate from the video, I want to add that ethically I do not need my clients to inform their partner, while I encourage it, not every relationship is safe and healthy enough to do so. As you can imagine there are situations where someone may see a doctor or a mental health therapist without informing their partner so seeing a legitimate cuddle therapist is no different.
Absolutely not
Is getting a massage cheating? You are often in underwear or completely nude having (usually a woman) touch you in a way that while is not sexual, can be more intimate than a platonic cuddle.
If you do consider that and/or cuddling to be cheating, surely you'd have to agree that there are levels/degrees to this sort of thing. Those aren't in the same category as a full on affair with a romantic partner.
The japanese have an interesting philosophy on this sort of thing. Even full on sexual encounters with a sex worker, so long as it's a service you are procuring with money, it's not considered cheating.
I have a friend who has a wife that considers watching any form of adult content to be cheating. She's a bit off her rocker though, she'll get mad if they are watching a movie/TV show and a character on that commits adultery and does project her anger on him lol.
I can only speak to how I would feel. I think it’s more about how the spouse feels about it when asked or they’ve discovered it’s happened. And if the person who is cuddling feels comfortable telling their spouse that they’re doing it. It’s the deception part, imo, that determines whether it’s cheating and really only between those involved.
A lot of people like to use the excuse of their needs not being met by their partners and that it's due to that that they are doing it. Which is same excuse people give for going outside their partner for sex and other needs. So yes, it is essentially one in the same. Can't keep blaming others for the decisions that you make and for your dishonesty and lack of loyalty . This goes for all genders. Can't just excuse it away because of the non sexual aspect of it. If it would hurt them and hurt your relationship, then it's a form a cheating.
There are also a ridiculous amount of people on here who are seeking out more than just platonic cuddling. So it makes it less believable when a married or partnered person who is going outside their relationship and being secretive about it says that they are strictly wanting to just cuddle so therefore it's not cheating. Not saying that's the case with everyone obviously, but just ask any handful of women on here how often it happens if you don't want to take my word for it.