Am I the problem?

CuddlerWilliamCuddlerWilliam
in General

First off... my goal here is not to victimize myself or seek attention.
I'm really trying to understand if there's something I don't understand.

I've been using this site for almost 4 months and have been actively looking for a cuddle partner ever since.
In the area where I live there aren't a ton of active cuddlers.
So far, I've only had one session with a professional.

Aside from pros, I've private messaged exactly 20 people.
Not a single response.
And even though they're active profiles.
Not even a single visit to my profile by these same people.

I'm respectful, I express myself well, I'm not pushy or creepy and I take the time to write a complete, simple and concise message. (not just a "hey")
You get the point.

Go check out my profile... is something wrong?

Do you have any advice?
Am I missing something here?

With winter coming, I would love to have the privilege of offering my warmth to another kind person.

Thank you for your help. ^^

«134

Comments

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    It's not just you.

  • CuddlerWilliamCuddlerWilliam

    Wow, thanks for all the reading!
    I'll take a look and learn. :)

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited November 2024

    A couple of things, and it’s just my reaction and maybe no one else would think like me but I would take out any conversation about sex. It’s really not a part of any appropriate discussion for this site. As soon as I saw the words I stopped reading. I thought, ok no thanks and I’m not even in the running.
    It doesn’t need to be talked about in your profile. it’s a red flag to bring it up because it shows it’s on your mind.
    No woman with the right intentions, who has come here for completely safe & platonic interaction with men, wants to see that word in a profile. Again that’s my personal opinion.
    Its better to talk about legit safe boundaries that you absolutely will respect.
    And your username to me is just a bit cringy. Even if it’s your real name, I mean not a good choice and don’t act like you don’t know that.
    Finally I have to wonder if you created this post just to get people to look and be interested. Hope I’m wrong. Best of luck!

  • CuddlerWilliamCuddlerWilliam

    Thanks for the advices!

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited November 2024

    No problem and it’s good to ask for advice when you’re new. Things can be pretty complicated with such a simple concept as cuddling. You almost have to try to imagine, as a man, what do women want to read on a platonic site?

  • CuddlerWilliamCuddlerWilliam

    @g_w_t_w I'm just not sure about your comment regarding my username...
    My first name is William and I thought it was funny to do a contraction word with 'warm' (I like puns) so... I just don't understand why does it sound cringy?
    Also, French is my mother tongue and I'd say that I'm a 6/10 in English.
    Maybe I'm just clumsy and don't realize it.
    That's also why I'm making this post.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    Ahhh ok I totally get it and just ignore my weird reaction. I apologize! Your pics are great btw and you look like someone who has the right intentions. I’m just old and weird lol. I really think with a few tweaks to your profile, you’ll have a winner but also hoping some other women here will chime in because they may be better sources for ideas.
    Then the next challenge is trying to find people in your area who are serious about cuddling. I know there has to be a lot in CA.

  • CuddlerWilliamCuddlerWilliam

    No worries and thank you very much!
    I'm just open to learn. :)

    Yeah here in Montreal there's not a lot of people... '^^

    Hope you the best!

  • CuddlesComfort8CuddlesComfort8

    Maybe consider putting your summary in French, too? I’m sure it might translate better, and if the people in the area mostly speak French, maybe that will help you garner more interest?

    Do you have a friend who knows you cuddle and could assist you with the grammar on the English portion of your profile? Perhaps people don’t realize English is your 2nd language and think your profile is fake, due to the errors in it?

    Best of luck!! You seem very nice.

  • CuddlerWilliamCuddlerWilliam

    That's a great idea!
    Thank you very much. ^^

  • SolarisSolaris
    edited November 2024

    I'm no expert, and Ihaven't had much success here either so take my words for what you feel they are worth. But women have told me that the word massage is a no-no because some people think it's code for more. I'm sure you mean it platonically, but this is what I have been told by more than one woman.

    The other thing from reading through the profiles of men who have had success is that you really just have to consistently work at it. Post here. Put in the time and effort and keep fine tuning your approach and you'll eventually have success. I have made a lot of virtual friends here. And I think I would have probably had a few cuddles if I lived in the same area they do.

    Also, and this seems counter-intuitive to me. But a couple of the guys here who report a lot of success are actually a little bit thorny on the forums. I'm not saying be thorny here, or disrespectful or anything. But I think being honest and genuine actually works, if they are telling the truth. Personally, I wouldn't even want to sit down for a drink with these guys, but they are getting cuddles. Again, always be respectful and communicate that you are a safe partner. But I think you have to be honest about who you are and what you want. Women can pick up on dishonesty pretty easily. Not saying you are being dishonest - just if you begin posting here, make sure you aren't.

    It's so opposite of what I thought when I came here. I thought it would be easier finding a cuddle partner than getting a date, but it's like 100 times harder. I could go on a dating site and get a few dates in just a couple of days. But I'd say in 3 full years on this site, I've only had 2 non-pro cuddle partners. Again, I haven't been working hard at it. But still...

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited November 2024

    Like @billiam said, it's 100 times harder than getting a date.

    If you are dating you know the drill and it's much more predictable. But it's much harder to find folks who genuinely want to platonically cuddle and be friends. Sex is easy. It's the getting together and being close and vulnerable and navigating the feel goods and keeping it platonic that's difficult. So naturally there is going to be more attention paid to potential red flags and more stringent vetting to make sure the other person is on the same page and that they are safe to share space and emotional labor with.

  • SolarisSolaris

    @pmvines Said it better than I did. He's totally right (from my perspective - I can't speak for women).

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    No, it just happens to be the way it is. Patience and learning how to find engagement. I suspect it's not easy for any men in this collective but that's why we are here so it will take time and work.

  • ZigOutsideZigOutside

    No I totally agree the name is cringe and I think it's due to the French/English thing. I would 100% change it. It does have a sexual suggestion in English imo.
    I also agree w the massage comment. It doesn't mean massage can't be part of the experience once you have established trust and safe space/boundaries. But it does have implications of things moving in a more intimate direction.

  • ZigOutsideZigOutside

    To be clear Willy is a slang name for male genetalia in English. So yeah it doesn't sound super appropriate.....

  • ZigOutsideZigOutside

    WarmWilliam would make more sense or choose something different

  • Midnight01Midnight01

    Your name is fine. Jesus, that has nothing to do with anything. This is a 99% pro site. You won’t find any woman enthusiasts. Try and find some pros you like. Thats about all you can.

  • TxTomTxTom

    ☝️

  • [Deleted User]jimmylee (deleted user)

    I disagree with the "you won't find any women enthusiasts." Over the years, I have cuddled with about 20 from this site. All delightful. Virtually all were repeats cuddles. That said, a lot of the advice given on this thread is spot-on and should be helpful to newbies.

  • CuddlerWilliamCuddlerWilliam

    I really appreciate all your advices!
    Thank you for your kindness. :)

    I never dated nor used any dating apps so...

    Regarding my username, I already changed it so I can't again for a year. RIP.

  • Mann_53Mann_53

    Trolling 101

  • Vocalist100Vocalist100

    @jimmylee Each enthusiast's experience is different. Over the years I not only have not cuddled with any enthusiasts, but haven't even had more than a single response conversation with any. So there is a wide variance on experience.

  • ZigOutsideZigOutside

    @Williwarm we won't hold it against you. The rest of your profile is great so just keep trying :) I hope you find a cuddle buddy soon 🌈

  • [Deleted User]jimmylee (deleted user)
    edited November 2024

    @Vocalist100 I am very aware of that. I was only sharing MY experience and responding to the notion that there is little hope in cuddling with a female enthusiast. My reply was merely anecdotal and was not seeking to be the final, data-driven expose on platonic cuddling. Nor was it an attempt to minimize the experience of others. I realize my experience on CC as a male enthusiast is likely an anomaly.

  • DarlingNikkiiDarlingNikkii

    I’d cuddle with you. I love French Canadians, and I took French in HS. Too bad you’re on the other side of the continent!

    Also your username is perfectly fine! I don’t advocate for cold willi’s! 💁🏻‍♀️

  • [Deleted User]Ihavenoidea2 (deleted user)

    I don't see a problem talking about a massage. Several pros have it on their profiles.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @Ihavenoidea2 There's a difference, I think, between a pro mentioning it and an enthusiast mentioning it to another enthusiast who does not have it in her profile. While no one is suggesting OP is looking for something non-platonic, it is hard enough to meet a female enthusiast without having something in your profile that might be seen as a red flag.

  • [Deleted User]jimmylee (deleted user)

    @Williwarm I know it can be frustrating, but stick with it. I've reached out to a few enthusiasts in a city I will be in for some business training, simply asking for recommendations of places to eat (having never been to said city), and I didn't get a single response. Not even a simple, "Try the local McDonalds." Nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada. I wasn't looking for a cuddle, nor did I hint at it. I asked only because I have seen some very kind and generous ladies in these forums, so I thought, "Who better to ask than some of the enthusiast in that area." In hind sight, I should have asked some of the men enthusiast in that city. Live and learn.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I have had a few female enthusiasts tell me that once they have found someone they enjoy cuddling with, they stop looking. They may still be active on the site (or not), but they're no longer open to meeting someone else.

Sign In or Register to comment.