Why are you really on here?

Kara90Kara90
in General

I’m normally not the type to bother with making posts but I just want to put my voice out there regarding this place. I can tell this is another typical social platform on the internet, another convenient option thrown into the void that draws in the low effort, lazy messages that you get on standard dating apps. While this app doesn’t advertise as a dating app, that’s clearly what it’s used for based on the forgettable messages I receive in my inbox. I didn’t come on here to find a date, settle for scraps, or fuck around and find out. I came on here genuinely to seek out anyone else out there who actually values cuddling and wants it for the right reasons. I haven’t gotten a single message on here that’s been worth replying to. I’m always very careful with who I give chances to. Maybe one person will come along here that will be worth a chance but I honestly doubt it.

That’s all I have to say on that.

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Comments

  • Goonie4lifeGoonie4life

    @Kara90 Sorry to hear that you've been dealt a lousy hand on here. I'm here for only cuddling. If I wanted to date, I'd be somewhere else yet I'd stay in the cuddle community

  • [Deleted User]r3fusaltousual (deleted user)

    Hello, I’m sorry that this has been your experience on here. I read your profile and you seem like a very intelligent and thoughtful person, who is very transparent about what you are looking for.

  • [Deleted User]kydavid (deleted user)

    I’m here because I’ve dealt with depression for as long as I can remember and it’s consumed my whole life. Being treatment-resistant, I’m constantly looking for new methods of coping with it. Last year I read upon how cuddling can help as I have recently learned just how lonely and touch-starved I am. I have a great supportive family, but not really the hugging type and I’ve learned that I’m really missing embracement. I’m happy that I found this site last summer as for the few cuddles I’ve had has made me do things out of my comfort zone and live life a little.

    I hope you find a good person who’s here for the right reasons and have a great cuddle soon!

  • tranquilhearttranquilheart

    @Kara90 I’m sorry you’re having such a frustrating experience. I get messages like that too occasionally and just don’t respond. I block if they’re particularly bad. I do wonder if there’s a difference in how some guys approach enthusiasts vs pros, since the professional context seems to set clearer expectations from the start. I haven’t figured this place out entirely either, but I hope it gets better for you. The right people are here; they’re just quieter than the wrong ones.

  • Kara90Kara90

    <3 Thank you for the kind replies. I’m glad to see there are real people on here with authentic reasons. I’m not giving up easily. It’s just the type of thing that means I’ll have to be on here for months and months before someone worthy comes along.

  • [Deleted User]kydavid (deleted user)

    I’m confident you’ll find a great cuddler sooner than later. Hang in there

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    I’m not on here to date or mess around. I’m here to meet people, cuddle, and hopefully make friends because it’s important I like the person I’m cuddling with.

    There is absolutely an abundance of folks who are here for the wrong reasons. When in doubt report. The mods are volunteers and won’t act unless they know. And I’d say someone mentioning they’re here to date is misusing the site.

    Weed through the crap. Don’t reply at all or have a standard response that you give out and move on.

    You are new so every cuddler here for the wrong reason is going to take a chance at you. It will settle down at some point and then you can take time finding the right ones.

    There are some great people here once you get through the cringe.

  • wanacuddle85wanacuddle85

    There are many people here for the right reasons who are genuinely praying for an enthusiast like yourself, who are caring and gentle men and women who truly see the power and benefits of a platonic cuddle buddy. As a pro I have met these men and women , I’ve had the pleasure of cuddling them, and truthfully i’ve even recommended some of them to enthusiast like yourself because I confident that there will be no shenanigans. It’s a mission sorting through your inbox and having to deal with unfortunately the crap that happens. Report those accounts. If I was an enthusiast, I’d find a pro in your area who you can see has high karma and message her she more than likely knows which wants to stay away from. which ones would be the perfect Cuddle buddy and can help steer you to someone she has had a positive experience with. I know for myself I don’t mind answering those messages from enthusiast at all..

    I started cuddling because I was lonely after 10 yrs of abuse no where mentally ready for a relationship. I needed a friendship and I needed to learn men could be safe, I’m very blessed to say I have found both. It can be a great place but unfortunately pro or enthusiast you have to sort through the bs and find your tribe. You will make good friendships and safe places and support systems from this website, you unfortunately need to sort through who’s here for the right reasons and who’s not.

    Hang in there! You will find your tribe I’m sure of it

  • BearBear

    @Kara90
    I hope you stay on here long enough to find the true gentlemen in your area. They are out there I’m sure. Unfortunately there are always a few bad apples in the bunch.

    Hopefully you can report the ones that don’t follow the rules.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox
    edited May 26

    @Kara90

    I also noticed in your profile that you said you know people use it for dating and sex and that “there are no rules against that.”

    There absolutely are rules against that. The terms and rules are very clear about it actually. Anyone being inappropriate or seeking romance or sex will get banned. Report them.

    But hang in there. I’ve met some awesome people. It just took some trial and error.

  • msessions777msessions777

    @Kara90 Keep in mind that for men, this site can be a grind. We have the opposite problem. You can read posts from men who get frustrated by the lack of responses and who literally send hundreds of messages out. Many are looking for genuine connection and cuddling and all the things you are looking for, but it can be hard to come by. This isn't Tinder, nor should it be, and I have hope it isn't used that way. Don't take the lack of effort in some lazy messages to mean a lack of interest.. they are probably sending out dozens of messages to see who responds. If I were you I'd have a copy-pasteable message on hand to solicit more information from the profiles that you might be willing to give a shot. Ask some interesting questions, clarify their intentions.. and I'm betting you'll have some great experiences and make some new friends.

  • JargogleBearHugJargogleBearHug

    @Kara90 I sent you what I thought was a very nice message, one that made it clear I was only interesting in cuddling. Your profile makes it very clear what you are looking for, and I am looking for the same. But when I messaged you with a very clear request to just say hi, get to know you better, that we're looking for the same thing ... you blocked me. So I wonder (1) what I did to get blocked, and (2) what exactly you are looking for if you blocked someone who (best I can tell) is looking for exactly the same thing.

  • team_cuddleteam_cuddle

    For cuddling, chatting and making friends

  • btc13btc13

    @JargogleBearHug No one owes you an explanation of why you were blocked. If you want to know why you may get banned though, it's for circumventing a block by communicating through the forums.

  • EmmerichEmmerich

    Following Jargogle's post, I'm also reading this thread through the eyes of someone who is on Kara's blocklist. :p

    I think we all understand that certain behaviour is unpleasant, but once you enter the realm of perfectly acceptable interactions, it gets a lot more subjective. It's wild to see someone be so publicly opinionated and scornful about it.

    Are there some hard guidelines we men can follow to avoid accidentally messaging women of whose time and attention we are so thoroughly unworthy? It's unfortunate to see how upsetting it can be. (This sounds 100% sarcastic, but it's actually closer to 70%)

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Using Cuddle Comfort as a dating site is not permitted. If you encounter somebody attempting to do so, either in their profile or in messages, please Report them.

  • JargogleBearHugJargogleBearHug

    Honestly I'm not trying to circumvent a block - and by total coincidence, I posted about this as well: https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/25671/feedback-requested-is-it-just-bad-luck-or-is-it-me

    Please - read my post, which includes my exact messages to her - and you can see why I'm frustrated. But I'm not trying to be a jerk here, I'm really not. I just don't fully understand some of the behavior/practices I suppose.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited May 26

    Relevant and potentially helpful threads:

  • SafeWarmPlzKthxSafeWarmPlzKthx

    Reading a thread like this is deeply disheartening.

    The professional cuddlers I've worked with are definitely here for the right reasons.

    In the "enthusiast" lane I've run into almost exclusively bots / scam / seeking relationships. I've reported plenty of accounts and I've only been on here for a month.

    The few enthusiast women I've reached to, who are probably here for the right reasons, I've not heard back from. Which is their right and prerogative.

    Just kind of a bummer to hear that men and women are running into a lot of people misusing the platform, and at the same time aren't finding good cuddle partner matchups.

  • btc13btc13

    @JargogleBearHug

    Honestly I'm not trying to circumvent a block...

    How else would you describe messaging someone directly through the forums who has blocked you?

    But I'm not trying to be a jerk here...

    Trying...

  • JargogleBearHugJargogleBearHug

    When I did that, I didn't realize it was against the rules. I've already been informed by an admin.

    Please read my other post for context: https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/25671/feedback-requested-is-it-just-bad-luck-or-is-it-me

  • hunybun21hunybun21

    I am definitely not here looking for romantic relationship. Just to meet new people and get the cuddling warm feeling of being held or listening to someone's heart beat until I fall asleep

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @JargogleBearHug you linked it twice, you also received some good feedback there, so no need to keep seeking it here.

    enthusiasts who are here for the right reasons do exist. but it takes time to find ones in your area that will work with you.

    women on this site are bombarded with messages, especially when they are new here, and they range from clearly not here for the right reasons, to suspicious.

    @Emmerich If you messaged someone and were blocked, then clearly there was something about you, your profile, a forum post you wrote, or in the content of your message that the cuddler did not want to see any longer. asking for hard guidelines to follow for all women is kind of ridiculous. each individual is going to have their own requirements and sensitivities. you got blocked. so assume it wouldn't have been a good fit for you. I've been blocked by cuddlers I was messaging with and I absolutely could not tell you why they did it after multiple friendly exchanges back and forth. But I have to assume it wouldn't have been a good match.

    there's a whole thread on "thank you for blocking me". check it out.

  • DavesNotHere420DavesNotHere420

    I am here because, apparently, according to my doc and my therapist, I have a depression related heart condition. TTS, or "broken heart syndrome." Being "Touch-starved" for over twenty years. I didn't know it was getting that bad. I didn't know it COULD get that bad. So now I am desperately looking for solutions before it gets any worse. Hoping a local pro will respond soon. Hoping someone will show a little compassion and give me a CHANCE.

  • TheDave90TheDave90

    Just want to meet new people because of loneliness. Simple as that.

  • Enchntd8EclipseEnchntd8Eclipse

    I was working on getting a cuddle scheduled, and the guy offered to go on more of a date, like take me to the movies but still pay for my time. I was a little confused, I think that was more of the social awkwardness and slight tism, and I’m like “but that’s not what this website is for?” And also that I’m a hermit and I don’t leave my place much, and that I wasn’t looking to date anyone and focus on myself, hobbies, self love and healing. Later on that night he messaged to cancel and reschedule the cuddle.

    I also had another guy that wanted to meet me, kiss me, and see if I wanted to date him and again I’m like “this website is for platonic cuddles, and you’re saying all this about me but I don’t even know your name or what you look like.” I ended up not setting up the final details for the cuddle. I’m not on here to date, I’m on here to find friends to cuddle with and support myself and love what I’m doing and feed my touchiness.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @Enchntd8Eclipse
    if you haven't already, please report both of those profiles. it's not ok that this is their intention, and against the rules.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    While there a lot of people who are here for the wrong reasons, they usually won't last long - they'll either quit when they don't get what they want, or they'll get banned for breaking TOS.

    All we can do is enforce our own boundaries, report rule violations, and constantly review & improve our vetting skills & procedures. Vetting isn't just for pros - it is how all of us can ensure that the people we cuddle are compatible with our needs and ethics.

    Building community through networking and attending events goes a long way towards fighting the fatigue that sorting through the chaffing can create.

  • trixstertrixster
    edited May 26


    My profile is blank. No picture and no bio. Yet I get hundreds of messages from random desperate men. Low effort, copy/paste messages they send to every female they find. Many of them message repeatedly, begging to meet.

    If this place was really just about strict platonic touch and not sexual at all, then why don't men on here just cuddle each other?

  • HuggablesoupHuggablesoup

    It is a shame that you're having that experience. I'm having quite the opposite experience. I lost my wife two years ago, and I'm not ready to date in any way. But I felt a need I couldn't explain, so I got on some dating sites, but I really didn't want to date. It just didn't feel right. I used to make "jokes" to my friends that all I needed was to snuggle up and watch TV with someone. We all laughed about it,but I knew I was being very serious. And one day I read that the need for human touch after losing a spouse is very real. Then I found this site. I've met and had conversations with several people, and everyone has been understanding and kind. I have yet to set up a cuddle, but that is probably my own hesitation and not on them. I hope you find better connections soon, best of luck! - Soup

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