snugglemetoo

the year was 2010 when id promised myself that i would never date again (that is, to engage in an explicitly-declared, exclusive, monogamous heterosexual relationship). by that time there was a very clear trend of near-perfectly-timed self-destruction at the two-year mark, anyway.

rather than invest all that energy into another two-years of emotional torture, instead i would focus on my career and "getting my $#!+ together". the plan worked: i advanced all the way to the top of my career-path (and then went back down a notch to work in an Engineer's role, rather than Management (simply because that is where my interest lies.) additionally, i was able to pay-down all debt during this hiatus- the only note currently being carried is the mortgage on my home; all credit cards were even paid down to zero each month!

overall, im quite pleased with how much has worked-out, and have always been able to be alone without being lonely. the only thing missing is that little bit of human interaction: personal attention and (platonic) affection that only a snuggle partner can provide. id never thought id see the day i would actually seek-out personal contact versus engaging in reclusion. (ive been told that my primary personality flaw- (we each have one of our very own!) is that i have the personality of a robot. that is, my natural tendency is to not display any emotion, whatsoever. maybe its the military bearing they instill into recruits during basic training (im ex-navy), maybe it is having attended eight years of parochial school- or maybe it was all that blotter-acid back in the 90s! (funny, but not really kidding here. ;))

just so we are clear: this is *not* about developing a romantic interaction, but rather scheduled, platonic affection- perhaps two hours, once or twice per month, in order to maintain proper self-health--especially since a work-from-home protocol has been implemented! without scheduled cuddle-time, there may be entire *months* with no direct, personal, human contact altogether. humanity exists as a social society; therefore, we must each be adept at being social individuals.

im usually the stoic, quiet guy... until we know each other a bit. then youll get to hear me make inappropriate jokes about everyone and everything they feel is so important that it needed to be shared aloud. (im a firm believer in, 'sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing'.)

as i have now been actively self-isolating for ten years, i suppose my primary goal here will be to simply re-acquaint myself with human touch and response. my first instinct when faced with possible touch are usually to recoil and/or flinch. (origin in early childhood trauma) cing love; that 'connection' in the nervous system may be wired, instead, to fear. -and then it all made much more sense. thusly, i have ended-up here to hopefully address and correct that.