how to shut down attempts at dry humping?

greenearth2

pmvines...respectfully. that is simply not what he said.  If your reading comprehension is really such that you think that's what he said then this might go a long way towards explaining why there is so much vitriol and anger on the forums.  People are simply not understanding what is being written.  They see the words in the wrong order or something strange like that.  Its kind of scary actually.   I know fireandblue keeps suggesting links to reading comprehension sites and I think maybe she's on to something.  However even though she didn't post it for you, I think you too could benefit from those links and not just myself.

Morpheus

@pmvines why do you keep picking on me? 

pmvines

I'm not. I'm advocating for somebody. What you said was counter to my advocacy for them. There is a difference. Please don't pretend to be a victim here, nobody has done anything to you. I have no interest in arguing, there is far too much pettiness and immaturity on this site as it is. You know exactly what you are doing, and you know your intent.

Morpheus

@pmvines I just want to enjoy this forum like everyone else. You and I would probably get along great if you just stop trying to make me out to be the bad guy. We have a lot in common. I like punk and metal. I like a lot of the movies you mention and quote. I even volunteer with a dog rescue and you love dogs.

pmvines

I am not attacking you. I don't think I ever have. I disagree with some of the comments you make and I feel you intentionally say things to stir the pot. Kind of like when Urkel breaks the dinnerware and says "did I do that". if I didn't feel it was intentional, I would simply ignore it.

pmvines

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Morpheus

You have already passed judgment on me so regardless of what I say, you take it the wrong way. Let's be pals, how about that? 

Haha I had to come back and edit, I re read and remembered that girl that said, cash me outside how bout dat lol

@pmvines  I think the word you are looking for is gaslighting. The two of them are classic textbook gaslighting.  When a person very clearly says or does something and then claims they never said or did it, even though everyone witnessed it happen. 

 Or the dozens of times the new rules were broken and completely disregarded by them and it's only the first day.  While everyone witness that happening. 

greenearth2

For gas lighting to work you can't have clear written evidence of what was said right there for anyone to read. So no there is no way to gaslight someone on a public forum.   
To gaslight someone you can't have actual written or audio evidence of what was said in the past to verify.   

Morpheus

@fireandblue I'm making an attempt to make things better with @pmvines Why would you come in here and try to destroy my attempts and making peace. It makes me sad to see that you feel the need to direct so much anger and hatred toward me. This site should be a place of serenity. Leave me alone please and stop trying to bring harm my way. I am very much in distress because of you and your constant attacks on me. I just don't understand why you hate me so much. Especially on Mother's Day weekend when I've already said that My mother passed away ten years ago. You clearly have no regard for my feeling especially at such a difficult time for me.

snuggle554321

@me2 @fireandblue @i_am_polylover @funandadventure @pmvines  God bless all of you!  I love all of your comments and want to send each one of you a huge hug! HUGE HUG!!!! 
I also suggest that the six of us do a group hug! LOL  
Does anyone else have any other ideas on "how to shut down dry humping"?  

Dry humping... Don't do it. 
Ways to stop it:

Before booking a session, I send the client agreement form to everyone just to be clear of  the expectations and my boundaries. When I first start a session with a brand new client, I like to spend the first few minutes or so getting to know them and answer any questions they might have. 

Understandably sometimes a client might get aroused from certain positions and start to get touchy. I change positions and move their hands back to a neutral area. I also tell them to please don't touch me there, it makes me feel uncomfortable. It does take a certain level of trust. I find that if you scan your clients well before hand and set clear rules, most people are genuinely nice.

Scan your clients!! I can not stress this enough. If ANY red flags appear, don't see them!! Be clear and concise about what you expect from them. Don't be afraid to say no and walk away if you feel unsafe. Lately I've been super picky about who I take on as new clients.

I even turned down an appointment request tonight as soon as I was asked what type of massages do I do? *innocent enough*
I do therapeutic Swedish mixed with deep tissue. Then I was asked if I did soft and sensual massages... I don't even know what that means. Since it basically sounded like a request for a happy ending, I didn't book the appointment because I knew I would be super uncomfortable.

Since I've turned a lot of people down, I've definitely noticed a dramatic decline in these situations. Make sure the clients know your expectations, stay safe everyone and don't get humped

snuggle554321

@cuddlebunny88  I love your comments!  I have come across some clients that didn't give me any kind of red flags like that. I have also come across some clients that definitely did!  So far any client that refers to anything as "sensual" is going to want more than just cuddling. If you do come across some guys that push the boundaries, make sure that you speak up for yourself! Do not hesitate or question whether or not you should! If you feel uncomfortable SAY SOMETHING!  If the guy gets insulted, then you SHOULD NOT be cuddling with him!   Every single time that I expressed that I was uncomfortable with something and the client respected that, they ended up becoming a very wonderful client! Some clients are extremely new to cuddling and need FIRM boundaries with firm reminders! (You don't have to be mean or rude but don't except any level of unacceptable behavior or disrespect! They will respect you more because of it!) If they keep pushing then that shows a lack of respect to you.  Tell them that! If that still does not stop them  then you should not cuddle with them in the future and you should also SERIOUSLY think about leaving! You should also let them know that you are seriously considering leaving!  Guys who are wanting more than just cuddling will probably not hire you again if you keep shutting them down EVERY TIME they do something that makes you uncomfortable.  The nice thing is when you get clients that will respect your boundaries your personality can shine even more!  That is when both of you can build a serious amount of respect for each other and really begin to connect!  There are sweethearts out there! You just need to tell them EXACTLY what is OK and what isn't! Also, change positions! If they have an issue with  thrusting change positions so it  can't happen anymore. If they have a problem with their hands, change positions so they can't do that anymore.  I block them and then focus on giving them loving, healing and supportive touch. I also, a lot of times, will say things that will convey that message to them! A lot of times that will help them change their behavior  and want to treat you with more respect. This is not always the case! But at least if you continue to shut them down you will either find someone who is respectful or will get rid of the ones who refuse to respect you!  The key is to not hesitate and shut them down!  If they want to feel your loving support, they WILL BE respectful! huge hugs to the sweethearts! HUGE HUGS!!!! 

Morpheus

I have a session today with someone new, haven't had one in a bit. I'm looking forward to it. I'll let you know how it all plays out. The CSA or boundaries haven't even been brought up. I never bring up the CSA or boundaries cause I'm so good at respecting them that I never feel they're necessary to talk even talk about. Maybe I should though, I don't know. I just know I've never had an issue but a pro can at any time misconstrue a clients action. 

greenearth2

I think if a pro just mentions it at the beginning and says dry humping is never allowed it may serve to prevent those idiot clients from even booking her.  Which is good And much safer than seeing them and trying to stop it while it's happening.  

This discussion is 7 pages long I had to go back and start reading it again .
while I was reading , I came up with something that may help .

i propose :   A 25% fee to the pro , who want the piece of mind , that they won't get booked with some idiot .
the 15% standard commission to the site , plus 10% to go to the site , sent to ,as a subscription fee ,to a third party , who also collects a hump deposit , from clients that book to the pro who subscribes to the third party service .
process : when a client books a session to a particular pro , an additional disclaimer comes up that this pro , requires a refundable deposit of $xxx.00 ? , to ensure appropriate cuddling behavior .
this means the idiot does not get his deposit back , if the practitioner gives an unfavorable report to the third party .  No report means favorable.  After the conclusion of a favorable session , the depositor requests his deposit back .  He can also elect to leave the deposit ,
with the third party , if he wants , in case he probably will book sessions with other pros who subscribe to the service . 
In case of an unfavorable session , he looses his deposit ( plus he gets banned), but the practitioner does not get that deposit as compensation , rather , that is just put into funding , a crusade , to stop the hump chumps, how ? I don't know yet , but if you will be patient , I'll work on it .
if the humped practitioners want to apply for compensation from the fund , they can file a psychologists report , with findings of mental injuries of some sort .

does that help ? No ?

greenearth2

Ah that is really funny heheheh

Morpheus

No

Please tell me that was an attempt at sarcasm. 

Morpheus

@sparky I'm sorry my friend but again I will say, I'm no

Sparkly I would never prepay. I don't know you and PayPal terms of service are iffy on things like this. They don't want their service used for adult services to my knowledge and even if they do it could also tie up your money if someone files a complaint against you where they hold all your money til resolved.