how to shut down attempts at dry humping?

I've been having mostly good experiences with my clients, and I've been maintaining my boundaries in a friendly way by moving hands away from out-of-bounds areas silently but firmly.  However, I've noticed this becomes difficult to do when a client becomes excited and starts gyrating their hips.  Especially if they've asked me if they can lie on top of me.  It just complicates things and leaves me in a very awkward position.  

Now, I have no problem with a client who becomes excited for a moment--feeling relaxed and comfortable touching someone can do that. But we all need to control our urges. This is platonic touch only and I end up feeling like a sexual object when this happens.  What do you do to appropriately de-escalate without offending the client? 

grab it and tell him ' down boy '

lol it a joke

pull away and say ...' let have a small time out to calm down'

greenearth2

That sucks. I've been on top and had snugglers on top of me as well and never had the need to dry hump anyone. Sheesh.
Just tell them to quit and if they don't then never schedule them again.
And leave bad karma lol

You could not offer that position. Or perhaps only allow it if you feel you trust them

You are basically trapped and can't just push them off. I've only done that position with one or two clients and both were respectful. If I were in that position I'd think I'd say "no rubbing, please"

Brandi

For the most part, I usually voice that I dont like clients laying on top of me if they ask. as most of the men are way larger than me, and would put too much weight on me, and would let their no no areas press on me and naturally when its touched firmly by anything... it stimulates it... So, if they want a position where there is straddling involved usually I will lay on top, and leave my head on their shoulder, and my knees at their sides, and my butt slightly hovering above, that way we are still close, but nothing in the "no no zones" are being pressed against eachother.
Hope that helps! 

All of these are great! I think I've been very lenient in the past because I honestly have few physical boundaries, but it's clear some boundaries need to be made.  Thanks!

OrionEridanus

*** State your boundaries clearly ahead of time. ***. You should do this with every client. If they violate in the moment and immediately stop when reminded that might be sorta ok (up to you). Anything else and you point out they broke the agreement and session ends. You refund some or none depending on your agreement.

Brian1994

I'm sorry that happened to you. You shouldn't worry about offending him. If he's making you uncomfortable, he deserves to be called out on it. When I'm cuddling with someone, it's very important to me that they feel safe and comfortable around me. If I do something that makes them uncomfortable, I would want them to tell me so that I won't do it again. 

That guy should be embarrassed and ashamed of himself. 

This seems to be a "thing"... I met a girl the other day and lots of bad choices later she ended up in a spooning situation where the guy grinded to completion. It was her first cuddle session so she didn't know what to do when he started grinding and she left with sticky jeans. Obviously she isn't too keen to try this cuddling thing again and she's a sweetheart! I feel so bad someone did this to her. I know it's awkward and you don't want to hurt feelings, but ladies you gotta shut it down, take a break, or end the session if you feel uncomfortable. Diffuse the situation. If it gets heated then get out or lock yourself in the bathroom and text your emergency contact (which you should've already texted the address you're at to before you got there). If you're a pro and it costs you $$, oh well. At least you're safe and not being abused.

Which brings me back to the idea of monthly meetups for CC and getting to know potential cuddle buddies before you're trapped in their bed. Classes on how to cuddle or what to do when guy/girl gets frisky and makes advances. There's a Meetup group where you have to attend mandatory classes to raise your rank in the group and be allowed to take part so they know everyone is safe and informed. Maybe CC should adopt a version of that?

@cuddledingo

PS - Farting is also a good way to stop all grinding nonsense

jeff53

Hey guys,

Personally I don't understand why this would happen in a cuddle session to begin with unless the person (from what I understand is mostly male offenders).  This situation seems to me like they had intent to do so when originally booking the cuddle in the first place.  Bad Karma should be posted, but specific boundaries need to be implemented.  This type of posiiton, as far as I know, is a high risk position for a negative outcome unless the cuddlers have proven a high level of trust.

I would think that for one a position should be earned based on number of successful cuddles.  Like you would have certain postions available for the first cuddle session, and the others would be ranked by what you would think would be necessary for each successive session.

Possibly a small pillow and a pre-cuddle discussion with the other person requesting the cuddle about the reason why they want to cuddle in the first place.  Did they break up with a girlfriend, etc.  something that might clue you in as to possible outcomes.

I think that sneezing is something that could diffuse the situation also.

Not sure what "If you're a pro and it costs you $$, oh well. At least you're safe and not being abused." means, but just because your a pro doesn't mean that it is okay to break the cuddle rules.  For all purposes there are guidelines to follow and which are available on the website.

Here is a Term and Condition that stands out:

Personal Boundaries

You agree to never use this Website for the intent of meeting another
member for sex. You also agree to never attempt to progress a meeting,
organised via this website, to a sexual nature.

I know some people tend to not read stuff or like to push boundaries because they don't know any better, but like the saying goes "All it takes is one bad apple to spoil the barrel"

So if your scheduling a cuddle think about your behavior before you ruin it for the rest of us who are trying to find legit cuddle partners.

I agree with @jeff53 regarding karma although I do feel that everyone deserves a chance. If they do something out of line but the behavior is corrected, no negative karma should be posted but if it continues, then do it.

Unfortunately, I've encountered a few "bad apples," and it discouraged me from moving forward and committing to appointments. When a cuddler starts to pull down on my clothes, I have to leave. The issue is that I have never asked for $ upfront as i'm supposed to. Even though boundaries are made very clear, the occasional grinding and borderline moaning occurs which makes me feel uncomfortable (as if I was a sex object). As a proffesional, I've been able to diffuse and prevent things from escalating further but leave without ever speaking to them again. I've had a few dialogue exchanges with cuddlers here but the hesitation lingers due to the disrespect I've felt from previous clients. Although I'm a proffesional, I have always dealt with the payment aspect based on the energy when I first arrive. It's always very sweet and I don't like to bring the business element to a greeting right away. This does not often work in my favor as I've been tempted to flee for safety mid session. Nobody likes feeling violated. 

@itsmeemary I'm sorry you've had those experiences. 

I'd really suggest asking for payment upfront. Once you get used to it, it really isn't so awkward.  I feel once the business element is taken care of before cuddling, it feels less awkward than bringing up payment afterwards, in my experience.

@itsmeemary if you want an amazing client that will respect you, come see me. Can't say I haven't tried ;-)

As far as payment btw I always leave it sitting on my living room table which is right by my couch where I cuddle. My cuddler can grab it anytime they want. Most just wait til the end to take it.

greenearth2

@Morpheus I love that idea...mind if I steal it? The idea, not the money lol

@Morpheus that's a great way to do it if the client hosts.

Doing it that way takes away the awkwardness of the money transaction.

@jeff53

"If you're a pro and it costs you $$, oh well."

I see how this could be misunderstood... I meant it as if you're a pro and diffusing a situation ends in leaving and you lose money, oh well. At least you're out of there and safe.  When money is involved people tend to further their boundaries and put up with a lot more than they would if they weren't being paid. That's what I was meaning.

The $ on the table is a great idea! It would absolutely avoid awkwardness! I wish everyone thought it through that way lol

netrunner

@Morpheus @itsmemary I've generally asked the Pro ahead of time if they would prefer to be paid at the start or end of the session and it has varied, either way though I have it in an envelope with their name on it and leave it on a table near the front door or in the bathroom (if it's near the front door) so that when ever they want to pick it up they can without having to ask for it. Better to ask and know ahead of time than to make a good cuddle session awkward starting out or ending that way ^_^

@reurbo Envelope is good too, bathroom is also good, I've done that before. I've gotten a couple of small gifts for cuddlers and will usually put the money in an envelope and put that in the gift bag.

I dunno... I used to do portrait photography and would hire models who'd come to my studio and when I'd work with a new girl I'd always feel like money on the table or in an envelope was so sketchy. That's basically how you pay hookers by not acknowledging the money changing hands. Like what's not talked about somehow makes it not exist? Always felt dirty to me to not say, "Hey here's your money for modeling." Or whatnot. Just be out in the open because you both know why you're there.

CarlosHunt

Agree you need to set clear boundaries up front.  If the client does not comply, you can always just end the session.  The money seems like less of an issue than your basic safety.

Having said that, in my experience and based on what some female cuddlers have told me, it's seems that men are pre-programmed, after a 100,000 years of evolution and survival of the fitest, to "push the envelope" at least ever so gently on ocassion.  I've been guilty yes, but we always agree up front that if either cuddler feels uncomfortable that they let the other know immediately and that seems to work - for both parties.

@cuddledingo How do you know how a hooker gets paid? :-0 lol

I was thinking the same thing. ;-D

netrunner

@cuddledingo wow.. just learned how to pay hookers. I guess I can stop using PayPal to send them money now that I know it's cash in the bathroom I'm supposed to be doing

#bestthreadever

netrunner

@cuddledingo the reason I suggested an envelope is because the 2 Pro sessions I've had through here so far have been 3-4 hour sessions. So having an envelope with the money already set aside for them made it easy for them to take rather than handing them a couple hundred dollars at the start/end. Yes, it puts a bit of distance from the feeling of paying for a Pros time to cuddle with them. For me, that helps with the feeling that comes with a great cuddle session is to know that yes, they are a Pro and are being paid to be there, but both of us can focusing on the cuddling side of the session so it doesn't have to feel like it's a transaction.

@pandablergs it really suck to hear that you've had that happen. all the serious suggestions given are good options. the main thing is to be upfront and clear on boundaries before a cuddle session, to find a graceful way to voice discomfort during a cuddle session that they are testing those boundaries or to suggest taking a break, and to be sure to stick to what you agree to... not every situation will be the same and sometimes a genuine mistake will be made so some times giving them a 2nd chance is okay as long as it's pointed out what it is they are doing that isn't appropriate or crossing the line of cuddling before continuing.

@Morpheus yes.. yes it is lol

Haha!  I'm getting myself in all kinds of trouble this weekend on the threads lol

But I write movies, people.  I know things about things.  Also I watch a lot of TV and movies as "research" for work and I've worked on several movie sets in my time, so I've seen some stuff.  Just watch "The Girlfriend Experience" movie or TV Show, though.  That's how they do it!  White envelopes.

Ha... this is a fun thread

I cuddled a very shy first timer, three times in one week.  I had redirected him to his member's agreement before our 1st session, because of some of the questions he had.  In our 1st session, he was like an Octopus!  I had to remind him several times of the boundaries, which made our session somewhat not enjoyable.  He was very eager to "do it right".  I believe that he was just in a space of much needed physical contact.  He did attempt to dry hump a couple of times.  Then again, I think it was him being overly excited, and just needed gentle reminders.  In our 2nd session, he was much more calm, and respectful/mindful.  By our 3rd session, he came up with the idea, that maybe he should masturbate before arriving for his session.  I said that would be worth a try.  I thought that It was awesome that he and I could have this dialog throughout all of our session, so that we both could enjoy the experience:-)