Reporting abuse

docgatorb

After reading so many posts that involve somebody complaining about inappropriate messages, pictures, or whatever and then complains about some portion of the membership (usually one of the genders), it seems evident that perhaps it's not clear to everyone that this website pretty much polices itself and that there is an easy way to report abuse. In the blue menu bar at the top of the page, select "Contact". You will than get a drop down menu where you can report a variety of things, including abuse. Reporting abuse this way will bring the activity directly to the attention of the site's administrators. This may not stop all the abuse, but might reduce the number of times that these behaviors are generalized to the membership as a whole.

4cuddles

You make some valid points here.

At the same time, I think there ought to be room to openly vent to the community about unacceptable behaviours especially when it is continued or it's impossible for it to be stopped by just one person doing the moderations. (AS WELL as reporting said behaviour).

I think it also COULD deter newbie from repeating behaviours, reinforce acceptable messages.

U have a point; that there are too many seperate post about complaints. That may be a reflection on the level of the inappropriate behaviours or messages that occur..which is the real issue.

I can't agree that complaints is causing over generalisations. In total agreement that overgeneralisations is unhelpful and shouldn't be acceptable.

I couldn't tick JUST one box in response to ur message though because whilst I appreciate the intention behind it.

I didn't find it helpful that my complaint was lumped together with complaints that were offensive to ALL men on here, because of on an individual (s) actions.

docgatorb

I'm sorry, Annie85, I meant no specific reference to your complaint, There is a whole history of complaints in the forums where the particular behavior was reported in the forum and the discussion turned to people becoming offended because the complaint generalized (or at least some members felt that it generalized). Often, when it is suggested to report the behavior, some members have stated that it hadn't occurred to them, which made me realize that the reporting feature is a bit hidden. So, the idea is make it clear that there are additional resources available and to encourage their use, not to rehash any discussion already taking place elsewhere. I also wanted to tryout the poling feature that has been added to the forum.

Mailleweaver

On each person's profile, there's also a "Report" option hidden under the ellipses (...) next to the "Save to Favorites" button.

greenearth2

Yea but it's annoying when the only new threads are people whining about guys messaging them for sex. Have you just joined the internet or something ? That's something that happens every day on every social media platform.
If you sit and whine about each incident you'll have nothing else to talk about. Just block the offender and move on.
Much easier and effective.

snuggle554321

@greenearth Just blocking the offender doesn't help others or get rid of the offender.  If we really want cuddle comfort to grow we need to report the ones that aren't respecting the rules that are in place. That also helps other cuddlers to not have to deal with that same person who isn't looking to follow the rules. To me blocking and ignoring seems more like ignoring the problem instead of  reporting them and trying to help solve the problem. 

Also, if you don't like the threads, create a new one! You have lots of experience with cuddling! Spread the wealth of your knowledge! Some positive ones have been posted on here! I love those!  I'm sure you would have some great ideas! Run with them!   

I think what @green earth meant to add was to report them. Mark has been pretty quick to remove offending posters from the site. Starting a thread with a general indictment without specifics comes off as an indictment of all males.  There is really nothing of value there. Men have been coming on to women inappropriately since the beginning of time.

  Complaining about it with no specifics on an open forum accomplishes nothing.  In fact it is probably counter productive. Contacting Mark directly with specifics will solve your problem.  

docgatorb

There is a blocking feature as well I don't like using it because I don't like to end the ability of other members to contact me etc. I've even been blocked by someone to whom I've never sent any messages, a kind of preemptive block. But I also had to block someone when I was getting notifications on my phone at 2am which was when they woke in the morning, their time. Blocking is a necessary feature, but reporting often removes the offender from the community and reduces friction for others.

docgatorb

@greenearth I may have missed the point of your post. Perhaps you were saying 'grow up, folks, this is the internet, block these users and move along, don't drag everyone else into it'. If this a correct understanding of your comment, then I agree. Too often we beat a conversation to death until we find something that we actually disagree on and then focus on that. I call this the Facebook phenomenon.  It's how it goes in internet conversation now. In the old days, you would get flamed for simply bringing up something in a new thread that was already being discussed in another thread. You were expected to lurk for awhile and be cognizant of all of the conversations before adding to any. You got rid of members by flaming them and then moving on. Internet time was too hard to get to waste it on circular arguments. But I digress, so I'm letting it go.

Ninsiana

Mark is amazing at handling things appropriately. You will have your problems resolved with a 24 hour timeframe. But what I can say is nothing new. First warn them, and if it persists, report and block.
This thread should be stickied.

rollypolly

@docgatorb I was preemptively blocked too. I saw that a woman had visited my profile, and when I went to hers it showed that she had blocked me. Weird!
If anyone faces inappropriate behavior, I think there's not much to do except report, block and move on. But before doing that, shoot them a message reminding them the purpose of this site, just in case they had misunderstood it. This should filter out people looking for dates and hookups.

greenearth2

The thing is posting complaint threads about unnamed guys doesn't do anything
So yes. Report them instead. Block them. Move on with life.

4cuddles

@Docgatorb. It's all good:).

4cuddles

@greenearth
"Yea but it's annoying when the only new threads are people whining about guys messaging them for sex. Have you just joined the internet or something ? That's something that happens every day on every social media platform". I actually get the annoyance when reading this repeated on threads. 

I also get equally annoyed when I  having to or reading that someone HAD to report or make a complaint. Essentially we are looking for cuddles etc and perhaps companion etc. I think no one wants to have to police anyone or be exposed to lewd comments from strangers. 
Because this is "something that happens every day on every social media platform", it gets exhausting when repeated in a community aimed for cuddling and comfort.
Yes, some men have been making inappropriate comments since before time ... That does not mean that one should have to get used to it and be silenced into tolerating it "reporting and moving on with life". As if such messages should be privately tolerated, discreetly reported so to avoid annoyance. Maybe people also need to vent and as long as they are NOT generalising, annoyance would be better directed at those misusing the site. Rather than making excuses on their behaviours.

rollypolly

@Annie85 what do you suggest we do about it, other than banning the accounts? I'm not being rhetorical, I'd really like to know your thoughts.

4cuddles

@rollypolly I don't currently have anything to add in addition to banning an account. That would be a further solution.

I do know that when i was messaged by the same user even after he had been banned. I personally found it usefully to address it in the community. This may just be me. To hAve others share their experiences or discount behaviour was actually- comforting!

This is what i do if I am being bothered in public and it continues after I have warned a person or removed myself from said situation. I raise my voice so passerbys or others support me or intervene. I'm dat guy -I seek support externally if a situation is getting beyond my control.

I'm curious why u pose this question at me specifically?

rollypolly

@Annie85 because you're the most vocal one on this thread. Anyway, I don't have anything against people venting and sharing their stories here. I wish there was a better solution than banning accounts.

4cuddles

@rollypolly ok.

greenearth2

@Annie85 ok here's the thing...if every girl on this site posted a thread every time some jerk messages them something annoying, this forum would be unreadable.  
I think most just block and/or report them and then move on and read the messages that are decent.  
That's what I was saying....not trying to say you should be silent and accept abuse..but you know I think everyone can agree its bad and these jerks shouldn't do it.   Maybe you can post screenshots on the #byefelipe instagram page....that helps people deal with it I think,

docgatorb

You're probably trying to correct the behavior of a bot.

snuggle554321

@annie85  EXACTLY!  I couldn't of said it better myself! HUGE HUG!!!! I completely agree with @rei. I think this thread should be sticked. It would keep other threads from popping up because people would see this and know that they could post it here. 

@docgatorb Would posting to a thread stop a bot?  I'm seriously curious?  I'm thinking that what @Annie85 said was that after she posted to a thread that the people who were bothering her ended up stopping. (Even after you report and block, people can still create new handles and continue to bother you.)

docgatorb

@snuggle554321 A bot is just a program that sends a set of messages. The messages are full of generalized responses that don't look like there's any intelligence behind them (I know, some people actually talk like that on the internet). But they repeat themselves over and over, very annoying part of the internet (like spam). So, to answer your question, very unlikely. I don't think that most of the bots (or real people who act like bots) will create new handles just to bother you.
Now,reptiles just won't die. beware of them.

Here,s a suggestion, put a phrase in your profile and tell people that you won't respond to them, unless that phrase is in their message, That way, you can quickly tell if the person (or bot) even read your profile, If the phrase is not there,simply delete the post or don't respond. But be nice, if the phrase is there, then respond with a message.

I understand annie85's post saying that she doesn't like policing, but she doesn't realize that police 'on the beat' do that for her everyday to make marketing places more attractive, etc. No police and the annoying behavior grows. Everything comes with a price.

There are so many things about the internet that aren't obvious to some people and obvious to others. For instance, I don't know how to quickly make one of those links at the start of he forum post to indicate which post I am responding to.

4cuddles

Oh I do appreciate policing.
Meant having to police another adult's behaviour myself. I'd rather not have to do that, especially on here.

snuggle554321

@docgatorb LOL  I do that secret phrase/word on the dating apps that I use.  I don't get bombarded here because I'm a pro.  But on the dating apps… that trick helps a lot! 

Brandi

" it's annoying when the only new threads are people whining about guys messaging them for sex. Have you just joined the internet or something ? That's something that happens every day on every social media platform. "


 Beautiful!!
Yes, Lets ignore this clear and apparent problem....Delete all the forums with it being involved with calling men pervs... "get over it thats how men are".... and "shit all over pros instead and how whiney they are!!" "Gosh can you believe these pros... being asked for prostitution and they want to make it a known that its NOT OKAY"....what a beautiful mindset we have here on cuddlecomfort..Where clients care!

 being sexually harassed inst being taken seriously because its the internet and were supposed to "Just get over it" ??? NO. THATS DISGUSTING. I'm shocked to say the least....
You can also take your own advice and get over all the threads that talk about it, and JUST MOVE ONNNN yourself because you don't fit into that category hopefully.... Smh. ;-;

What we want are these men reported so that the admins can handle it rather than posting about it. That's all we ask and we don't support the guys that do these things.

Brandi, I wish there was a better answer to the problem and any group could be the offender or offended. I have been on the platonic section of Craigslist and seen how many don't understand the word.

Well said Brandi! We shouldn't hide these kinds of things. It's better to show that we can acknowledge and then stop these kinds of behaviors.
We want to make sure everyone can enjoy this site for its purpose. Being able to find others that we can trust and feel comfortable around. Not to be bullied or insulted.
I know personally, I prefer to see that the community here will stand up to these things publicly. 

Brandi

omg yes the platonic section on craigslist is gnarly @navyvet76
Yes exactly.! Michael, well said

The other day i flagged a ton of "platonic" posts.

snuggle554321

@brandi, @Michaelelephant and @navyvet76   I love all your comments!