@GentleMan1111 Sadly, I have to agree. I could imagine some members wanting to jump on the guys that are sharing so much. What I think doesn't amount to hill of beans (I'm never deluded about that, LOL), but I like all this openness from the guys.
Hey guys. I'm new in the Utah area, and you're welcome to message me for cuddling and overnight stays
@Spencer84 this is the 6th repeat post I’ve seen of you selling yourself. Please stop with the over posting. As a pro, you sell yourself only in Pro Cuddle Requests. Thanks.
Hello, @Spencer84. Welcome to Cuddle Comfort forum time-out. No spamming.
It's been my experience. I try to be there for my friends, so they don't feel how I do, but I don't really have someone I feel i can lean on like that
Over posting is one of Spencer’s Gifts.
Rimshot from the 70s/80s
@DaringSprinter Sad to hear your experience in religious circles was like that, but glad you have at least one person now on whom you can lean. My experience at my current church has been exactly the opposite. At my church, there is a culture of men being vulnerable with each other. Vulnerability and deep mutual support are seen as part and parcel of living out one’s faith, not at odds with it. I don’t know whether or not this is the norm, I’m just glad I found them.
Who do you call when you're at your lowest? Who is that one person?
I'm not a guy, but that's my answer too...
Nobody. I don't call people with my problems (unless it's something I think they might be able to fix ~ but I'm not for anyone other than myself to work on repairing).
I do have a few people in my life who seem to take turns in their sensing of when I'm really low and who reach out to check in on me. But for the most part, when I'm struggling emotionally, I'm on my own with that shit.
@FunCartel I wanted to take a moment to recognize what you did there...
Who am I gonna call? Ghostbusters.
I think it can apply to either gender to some extent but is far more common in men. This is what I think of when I hear the song "Surface Pressure" from the movie Encanto. I feel Luisa should have been a man in that movie not because women can't be strong, I've known several strong women in my life... not supernaturally strong like the character but strong to compete with men. That's not the issue, it's because I identify so much with that character's struggles as a man.
The constant pressure to "be the strong one" and look out for everyone else while they all ignore you, is a very real thing. I've broken down into tears and/or nearly died multiple times before anyone stopped to help me. It could have been easily prevented if anyone ever helped when I reaching out to ask for it but I usually have to fend for myself and hope for the best.
People will say, "Thanks for your help, I'd do the same for you" but they really wouldn't I spent a lot of time helping others whenever, and however I can but when I need it, everyone's busy, sorry.
It's not always a man/woman thing... some times it is but I've also even by other men, "hey I need you to drop whatever you're doing right now and come over here." OK. Roles reversed. Hey I need help. "Can't busy call someone else." Damn it.
I've "gotten lucky" that randomly strangers have stepped up to help me a few times when I was in tears, contemplating suicide, even if they didn't realize that things were that bad but things could of been done to prevent it from getting that bad in the first place if anyone had acted sooner when I was reaching out for help. A lot of guys never get the help they need, that's why suicide rates are so high. I'm using got lucky loosely hear cause I'd feel more lucky if things didn't have to be that bad before anyone would notice, I'd feel more lucky if the people close to me who claimed to care about me actually took the time to show it, but I am aware not everyone gets saved by some random stranger who happen to be in the area.
In a way... I guess I'm looking for that random kind stranger again though intentionally this time. Is it weird that I'm looking for comfort from random strangers on the internet rather than close family or friends? Maybe. Do I really have any other choice? Nope.
So yeah... that is kind of the sad reality... I don't know it's entirely just because I'm a man but I do feel like I can't count on anybody because no one cares. Any time anyone SEEMS to care I wander if they have ulterior motives because the idea of anyone actually caring about me is such a foreign concept I can't believe it when a person never asks anything of me in return for their help.
Side note... after Luisa sings surface pressure in the movie, her sister hugs her and says "I think you're taking on too much." or something to that effect and I'd love someone to huge me like that and say those words to me. It seems like such a small a dumb thing but if I say it myself it feels selfish, to hear someone else confirm it or even if they don't confirm it still HUGS DAMN IT! Let me have some sort of sign that you see me as a person and not a walking door mat. Men have feelings too damn it!
@CuddleForDID It's not just a man thing. I think there are a lot of women with no social life, floundering careers, and few friends, who don't even know how they like their own damn eggs (from a movie) because they spent their life working jobs they hated, taking care of kids, the home, and a less than helpful husband. Then in later life there's being the caregiver for aging parents and the spare babysitter for grandchildren.
@Moxytocin: Agreed. And to add a bit, I think it's good to find yourself identifying deeply with characters that are different from you. Helps build compassion—makes it even easier to see others as people.
We are all human, after all.
I wonder if part of the reason I feel unable to reach out is partly based in a sort of self preservation to not feel the added pain of being turned away... and I'm also wondering if part of the reason others (who are close by, in my daily life, that I have helped countless times) don't offer assistance isn't due to boundaries but is because on some level they too are practicing some self preservation (by not taking on what could be an opening of floodgates).
Maybe they don't know how to deal with me because what I'm dealing with is foreign, scary, too heavy, etc. and they don't feel capable or don't want to feel responsible for the unknown, or don't want to make things worse. Perhaps they have a innate sense of knowing that even trained professionals have had a rough go at trying to sort me out.
Or maybe they too have reached out to another in need before and the imbalance was never corrected. Or maybe they're just really good at masking their own struggles and helping me with mine would be their undoing.
I really have no idea... it's all just my rationalizing to not feel so shitty that people don't tend to show up in the ways I need them to. To be fair though, even if in a state of neutral calm (like now), if asked "How can I help?" I have no clue how to answer. So how can I really expect someone else to?
Ghostbusters 🙃
In all seriousness I have two close friends that I call and they'll generally help in whatever way they can, but I usually have to wait a day or two because they're busy with their families.
I started going to a Men's group recently which has been super helpful, to any man who needs support I would highly reccomend seeking one out. I'm tearing up just writing this comment. Being able to be open and vulnerable with other men has been very healing.
Sadly its true to an extent for me. I see a lot of people saying their dad..but my dad isn't that type of guy. He's old school, show no emotions type which is the complete opposite of me. Only person that I really have who will listen and actually care is my ex wife. Never thought that would be the case. Lol
Ya pretty much most men just know everyone has problems and no one cares about yours.
Honestly, I call takeout.
No, this isn't the case. This is just victimizing yourself. I've always been open and vulnerable to everyone without fear of being who I was and there hasn't been a single person in my life that hasn't just let me talk. This video is self-victimization, literally created for content. There hasn't been a single soul that has ever entered my life that didn't allow me to be who I am. Not a single one and the only thing I had to do was be honest with myself instead of buttering this idea of who I felt like I was stereotyped to be to that other person.
To answer the orginal question of who do I call when I'm at my lowest:
My oldest Sister, Rick, Carlos, Jeremi (my oldest Nephew), Jessica, Katie, Sean, Casey, Dustin, My Uncle....
I guess my point is, if you have these type of people in your life and using the excuse, "I'm a guy, nobody listens," the people in your life are not the problem.
I call my buddy, Bruce. And he calls me if he needs to. We've been friends for 20 years and we can air it out.
That’s why cuddling is so important whether you are a pro or an enthusiast. Intimate moments of being held can allow someone to open up. Half of my clients have really opened up about their life. I think for men at least most men don’t need you to try to fix it but just to be there. Sometimes talking about things helps. When there’s a warm embrace on the other side after you shared your heart that’s a good thing. I think those are my favorite cuddles when I feel like I have at least been able to listen with someone and give them space to share. Thank you for posting @SunsetSnuggles
@Saysoh you've obviously never had anybody shout at you when you asked for help. Or punched you in the head because you were crying.
And it's obvious you weren't brought up in a care home, where the only person who ever touched you 'affectionately' was the person raping you.
It's also obvious that you weren't brought up in a succession of over 40 foster homes, as some people are. I could go on but I think I've made my point.
It is, however, a mystery as to why you are so unkind, when you have been shown so much kindness.
I wonder why that video stimulated you to such a dismissive response.
Thank you, @CuddleDuncan.
I couldn't articulate a response, but I needed one. Reading yours made me feel better.
Putting yourself in others shoe is a hard thing to do; but it’s the basis to have empathy for others.
Although I have a couple friends I can call, if they aren’t too busy/overwhelmed with their own/partners lives, I can still relate to this. For me personally, the feeling hasn’t been “nobody cares” as much as “I Can get through this, I shouldn’t bother them” or, with how busy they have been recently, “it’s easier for me to decide to ride this out myself, than try and paddle to their help only to be left low and wet.”
@DaringSprinter I'm glad to hear that, thank you. I was actually constructing an example based loosely on what I know of your life when I decided I'd made my point.
@CuddleDuncan Actually, my father was a retired SGM from the military, so I grew up in a very abusive household physically and mentally. Not just me, but for my sisters as well. Then my mom divorced my dad and married a man that told me, and this is verbatim, 'you ain't shit and you're never going to be shit." It wasn't until he had a stroke and lost his ability to talk did we have what one could perceive as a relationship. My dad on the otherhand, he abandoned us when he remarried and raised his other kids. He didn't bother getting to know my nieces and nephews and when they started having their own kids, he had no interest and when he was in his death bed, he blamed me and my sisters for not putting enough effort in to having a relationship with him.
"Men...is this your reality?"
No, this is not my reality.
Yup, sounds about right.
Ahem , sooo….. @CuddleDuncan 🧐:
Why are you so unkind? Your examples on these threads points to a person who sees things only one way … the cuddleduncan way!
You have little empathy towards your fellow posters AND probably the people you actually meet
You like to use “straw arguments “ to make your points instead of discussing the issue itself !
I’ve seen you dismiss good parenting skills as just being lucky!
You dislike women by stating that they are intolerant of mens feelings!
You favor liking to pretend that a poster says something then argue about that !
So besides let’s say old people, pets , and babies… what else do you dislike ?