@CuddleDuncan you’re just behaving coy now
I cede to our community , mods, and admin. Leaving thread 😊
Yeah
@SunsetSnuggles thank you 😊
I don't feel that way because I have several platonic women as close friends. Guys are highly unlikely to just call each other to get support or to lend an ear. I think that part is true. But having close friends that would want me to call them when I'm upset or down is a reality, I swear. Not exes, not women you're trying to get with, just valued people you respect and enjoy spending time with who happen to be women.
It may be rare, I don't know. I'm a teacher, so I've spent most of my time with women since my third year of college, lol. They ask if I'm okay. They get upset when they find out I was dealing with something and didn't bring it up with them. They care.
But I also don't just cuddle when I'm in a certain mood. I'll schedule a cuddle when I'm excited or happy or bored...if I used it as an emotional support only....I think I'd be afraid of its lasting power. If the next time, it didn't work, what then?
Ooof... yes... I think I see what was hurtful about children of good parents being refered to as "lucky" ~
[what a great thread by the way!! thank you for starting it @SunsetSnuggles ~ we have so much to learn from each other]
~ I'm near certain that throughout my upbringing I saw other kids and thought things like, "They're so lucky!" and "It's not fair!" or any number of other things that boil down to, "Poor me...". And although I've come to a place of feeling like I've been given a gift in having choice in how I might raise a child, I don't think of that as "lucky". I see that as having resiliency and fortitude to do the right thing (and especially not doing horrible things). But if keeping it simple, in looking at the big picture, it's kind of like I'm the lucky one to some degree.
And to be fair, over the years I've developed some empathy for those who caused scars. I learned later how bad they had it, and not that it's an excuse, but I believe they didn't really have the tools, or exposure to many options, to deal with their demons rather than unleashing them on me and in some cases, didn't know the damage they were causing. They're from a really different time.
Finally, @OhioMike ~ If it weren't for exposure to parents like you, pouring your heart and soul into raising your children, I wouldn't have known that kind of thing was even a choice. Thank you for being that to your kids, because I'm certain more than just they have benefitted from your efforts. 🥰
@MrKinder
"Guys are highly unlikely to just call each other to get support or to lend an ear. "
As the sterotype keeps getting perpetuated.
I offer this:
If any man here wants to have a conversation, I'm your Huckleberry. Let's bounce perspectives. Maybe we'll have paradigm shifts, maybe we'll steadfast. I love conversation because I think humans are better than any book I have ever read. This is an open invitation to anyone really. People want to argue why men don't talk because nobody listens, here's my ear. Let's go.
I was sharing my experience, over time. I'm not feeling down, nor do I wish to call up a random stranger when I feel that way. I also wouldn't want to call you to be your entertainment source (better than any book). Pass.
Fair enough. I was more referring to books being learning tools than entertainment and you'd be surprised how libertaing a conversation with a stranger can be, but I wasn't specfically offering to you, but more so to anyone. It's interesting, however. The topic of the conversation how nobody listens to men and when somebody offers, you turtle. Just an observation.
The more you post, the fewer candidates I'm afraid you'll have. Jeez.
I'm going to move on now, as bickering doesn't do anything for anyone.
@Saysoh I think you are interesting and I took your offer as being for everyone. I think you saying humans are better than any book you ever read is an intriguing and charitable perspective. I've had days when I did not feel that way. I enjoy your forum posts whether I always agree or not. Have a good week.
I was just offering an avenue to the video with men saying they don't have anyone to talk to and remedy that. No harm intended.
This is definitely reality for some men. Often they are told not to show emotion, "be a man", etc. That being said, my inbox is always open. I do work a lot, but I will always do my best to reply when I have a break/have some down time. 🫂
@achetocuddle
Thank you. What I find interesting in human connection, is we have more in common with each other than we disagree with, but a lot of people focus on posturing in protecticing themselves. Personally, I think most men don't talk to each other because they are protecting themselves from themself.
@Saysoh I think that may be one aspect. Even if we are both wrong about this particular point, I like how you cause me to think. And I love to think. Lol.
This whole thread has helped me understand men a little better. I doubt I would have learned this anywhere else. Just thanks everybody.
@achetocuddle “This whole thread has helped me understand men a little better. I doubt I would have learned this anywhere else. Just thanks everybody.” 💯 Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To answer the OP question, yeah this is definitely my reality. Just made my share of mistakes and definitely learned from now, but the reality is it's left me in a state where I'm often alone. I'm grateful that other aspects of my life have been improving tremendously (career/health), but I've lacked the effort to really work on my personal life. Hope to change that this year but the loneliness brings me back to this site.
I wanted to leave my thoughts on the interaction between @OhioMike and @CuddleDuncan.
I am with @OhioMike 200% , I have seen his positive contributions to the community and his thoughtful, positive thoughts on the forums for a while now. I have even exchanged private messages with him and he is a gentleman and I guy I would love to have a beer with, so his thoughts on @CuddleDuncan are right on point. Now regarding him, he is one of those people that in my opinion likes the sound of his own voice, is like he has to insert himself in almost every post like he is an authority here in CC. I know he is not and he tells Ohio Mike to not read his posts if he doesn’t like them but you know what? That is hard to do when you comment in almost every thread, give it a rest, I would also like to read the forums (and I do like reading them) without having to see @CuddleDuncan opinions, thoughts and constant presence. I’m sure to most people, specially new members he must appear as a mod or at least some sort of CC representative even though he is not. Over the years I’ve tried to ignore people like him and thankfully they have left but for now it would be nice if he dialed back a notch or twenty, there are many interesting voices in the forum and I’d like to hear them without having to hear what @CuddleDuncan has to say about it.
Throwing in my two paperclips: I like it when @CuddleDuncan posts. I may not always agree with everything he posts, but it's always clear, articulate, and obviously heartfelt.
I think that's valuable.
@cuddleversed @OhioMike 💯
I like reading whatever @CuddleDuncan posts. His posts have been thoughtful and well put. I don't always agree (like his views on the personality type thread, or for that matter, his response to @Saysoh on this thread) but it would be a boring world if we all agreed on everything!
@OhioMike have you been hacked? What you are posting doesn't seem like it's coming from you at all.
When people finally ‘speak up’ or ‘stand up’, they’ve been “hacked”.
@cuddles_ndream 💯
@CuddleDuncan writes: I wonder why that video stimulated you to such a dismissive response.
Well, TBH, I'd be dismissive of the video too. My most generous assessment of it would be that it has carefully selected clips of men answering in a way which paints a completely distorted picture - if it were fully legit, there would be a much wider variation of answers, as certainly that isn't the reality for many men.
That doesn't make the OP's question invalid however, which simply asks men if what the video portrays is indeed their reality. For some it might be, for others, it might not be, and then for many (like me) it's a picture from the past which is becoming increasingly rare as they grow personally.
I'm afraid in this case @CuddleDuncan you have made your own point by instantly running to judgement when a contrary view was posted. This is certainly true for a lot of men who are otherwise in my friends circle, they are good activity buddies but no way would I get vulnerable in front of them - they would judge me, laugh, or just try to fix the issue hoping it goes away. They just don't have the skills to be empathetic.
I got a shrink. Otherwise, I wouldn’t even consider doing that.
What I dont really care for with the video is that it paints it as gender specific, however this affects all genders. Men certainly arent the only ones who can feel that way . And all men obviously dont feel that way, as is evidenced by diversity of comments here . Also you must consider that there are likely a lot more men on here who might identify with the video , because this type of site tends to attract more men on average who might not have somebody to confide in . So it makes sense that majority of posters on here would identify strongly with the video, even invoking a strong reaction against those who identify differently with it . I also feel like, apart from it being a sample of responses to fit a certain narrative, that there certainly did seem to be a bit of I'm a man so I dont matter , nobody cares about men , if I only were a woman people might care, etc . So it does kind of seem like some underlying resentment re gender , which can be a bit unsettling for both sides of the coin. Def dont want to go the route of gender hostility.
I do call on a few close friends but not for stuff like, I'm hormonal, or my butt is fat, or my face is breaking out. I call to ask things like will you help me get rid of the body. Because in the latter case you want somebody who's got your back come whatever, and take it to the grave, but in the former the reaction would range from feigned compassion, to annoyance, to outright laughing and ridicule. I think this is where man culture differentiates from woman culture. And it perhaps is changing as women emerge as leaders in what used to be man's world, and men become willing to take on roles traditionally reserved for women.
@UCpaaHVg6u0 ~ "I'm hormonal, or my butt is fat, or my face is breaking out." 🤣😂 I have never heard of those being things anyone would call anyone about, let alone as a serious unburdening. And if someone did I'd have to double check it wasn't a joke.
@DaringSprinter I agree.
@quixotic_life I learned what things were acceptable to share through childhood relationships. Showing vulnerability was not in my best interests. I didn't have a rough life but I learned early that there wasn't going to be sympathy for getting bullied, or any other petty complaints I had. That sort of Spartan training seems ubiquitous among guys in my generation.
@pmvines Well said as usual.