@Biblioromantic There is no doubt that there are people here who are married and hiding it, nevermind the reasons. I don't think that's a bannable offense, but it certainly speaks of character and/or situation. If they're being inappropriate or sound like they are here to date or find a relationship, report them and the mods will investigate of course. I get that you're frustrated and I'm sorry. The reality is a lot of people don't read profiles. The only thing you can do is hold out for someone who takes the time and trust me, it is rare.
Alternatively there might be some people in healthy marriages who would like to cuddle, but get flack or unwanted commentary from strangers because they have a spouse and are on a site looking to interact with others. Others don't think it should matter at all whether they are married or not so they opt for the default.
I am married but changed my status to single for two reasons...
1, I am tired of people asking how my husband feels about what I do. I could have put open relationship, and I did at one point but the issue is I'm not poly. Then it was like the people I consulted for appointments would ask about that when we met up, and a few asked if I would be interested in dating outside my marriage. Bye!
2, As a pro I am giving a service and my marital status is nobody's business because it has nothing to do with my work.Though some may feel uncomfortable hiring a married lady for platonic touch for religious or moral reasons etc.
Also, I do not know why this thread hasn't been perused by anyone since May 2018, but wasn't it stickied at one point? I feel it's potentially too useful to go necro? Everyone should continue posting to this thread so that others aren't afraid to be vigilant in keeping the community clean.
@Catloaf Thank you for your feedback. I understand what you're saying and the choices that you've made. I understand that people are different with different needs and situations. I understand that married (and single) people still make their own choices for their own reasons. And I certainly understand that some people lie whenever it suits them to do so, especially online. My question was whether the lie of a change in status rose to the level of violating the TOS or CC. I've read both, and I wasn't sure, so I asked my question in the thread that was linked on the related Q&A section.
On a personal note, I'm not judging anybody's choices. That truly is not my intent. I'm well aware everyone is free to do whatever they want, and I support their right to do that. However, with the background and past experience I have, I personally do not feel comfortable cuddling with married people. If this were a different scenario, I'd say it was a hard limit for me. In the future I'll just make sure to ask that specific question and not rely on a cuddler's profile to settle the matter.
Lying about marital status should be a bannable offence in my opinion. Cuddling a married person could potentially subject you to a subpoena or a lawsuit. Let's say there is a private detective photographing you as you enter the address, and exiting 2 hours later. How will you answer when an attorney asks you "What were you doing during those 2 hours?".
Sorry if you read any sort of tone in my post @Biblioromantic, I wasn't trying to nag, just allowing some insight as to why some might do it, and why I hid mine. This is an active thread so it may help others down the road if they find themselves in a similar situation.
It could in some cases be a see no evil, speak no evil kind of thing. Somebody might not think that matters if the topic is never discussed, but good people will be honest when it is. How did you come to find out this person was actually lying about not being married anyway? Did you know before you met them, or was it a case of getting into a cuddle and you found evidence on your own to indicate they were married, like they got a phone call or text from their spouse? In a case like that, it is a sort of blatant dishonesty and should be bannable. I have gotten nasty texts and calls from a wife before because someone did not disclose our sessions to their spouse, or at least be honest about their sitch. Wasn't fun. So I sympathise, I really do.
I will definitely not speak for those who are deceiving and for ominous reasons. They should not be here. Also I respect your boundary to not cuddle married folks. We all have our reasons, it's what makes us, us. ?
I can't speak for those who lie about their status, but I personally got the question pretty often so that I had to put it in my profile of my situation. Not a complaint of course because I've always stride to put all my cards on the table. When I was younger I might have been in the same camp of putting single just to avoid the questions but I didn't like having a relationship build and then suddenly having the moments of "we need to talk" inevitably come up. At least for me, that has helped a little bit since the ones I've been in contact with know what is going on and are chatting with me (from as I can gauge) genuinely and I feel more value in the conversations cause it isn't based off of doing something in secret. This can be a double edge sword, since there is definitely a demographic that does not cuddle with married folks and I am okay with that also, but at least then they know I'm not for them. However, I think that I've avoided some inappropriate conversations for the fact of being married. I don't think lying about status should be banned since it does come with its own punishment. If you are on this site for something you can't talk with your spouse about, then I just feel sad for that person, and hope that maybe being on the site and reading the forums or this thread may be a wakeup call that things may be functionally okay with their relationship but emotionally may need a wakeup call.
@Catloaf I've had two instances where I've discovered that the potential cuddler was married, but both occurred prior to us scheduling a session, to my intense relief.
In the first instance, I got a message from a cuddler. I reviewed his profile, found that he was single and appeared to be a potentially good match and relatively local to me, so we messaged back and forth several times to discuss boundaries and preferences, get to know each other, etc. After a couple of days of messaging, he sent me a handful of photos, some which included his children (which I had seen were mentioned in his profile). Included in the message with the photos was a bunch of information about him, his age, the fact that he was married, and a little bit about why he was seeking cuddle partners. I read his message, took 24 hours to decide how to respond, and then wrote a response thanking him for messaging me and being honest, but that I wasn't interested in cuddling with married people. I wished him luck in finding someone else, and he responded a few hours later saying he understood. I added the line to my profile specifying that I'm only willing to cuddle single people, and I left it at that.
Then a few days ago, I got a message from another cuddler. With a new eye to screening profiles, I checked his profile, again found that he was single and local, and responded. We messaged a few times about shared interests, and then I got a message where the cuddler talked about being "happy with his family" but looking for more cuddle opportunities. The message also said he was five years older than the age listed on his profile. I responded by commenting on the discrepancy in age and wondering aloud what else on his profile might not be 100% truthful. I asked him point-blank if he was married, and he messaged me back a few hours later to say he was. He was sure to tell me that cuddling is platonic, so it shouldn't matter to me if he were married, but I told him that it matters to me, and that I don't cuddle with married people.
As an ace, I'm 100% down with the fact that cuddling is a platonic activity because that's all it will ever be for me. The problem is that I shouldn't have to pull the truth out of these cuddlers. I feel like they should be required to be up front about something as important as their marriage status on a site like CC. In cases where it doesn't matter to their potential cuddle partners, they should have the opportunity to know, and in cases like mine where it does matter, I should be able to find out easily and reliably.
Hey detached sentient penises need platonic companionship too (joking)
Detached?
@chubbybunny I believe there was a sighting at a local campfire weenie roast. That sentient penis may be charred or digested.
@Biblioromantic there was an interesting discussion recently on https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/5261/why-touch-matters-so-much-in-love with comments from married people who are seeking cuddle partners, while keeping it secret from their Significant Other.
If platonic cuddling is their aim there is no infidelity going on, and who are we to judge them ? We dont know their circumstances.
The thing is that if they claim they are single and you find out they are not, then that dishonesty should be reported, Possibly with a ban? It is the same thing if a person mis represents themselves with other factors like gender. A profile must accurately give information about a person, so you can choose who to include in your searches
In the search criteria, we get to set filters on age preferences - is that ageist? Or Ethnicity - is that racist? Or distance - is that distAntist ?
There is a filter on status as well, so you can search to exclude those who are married or those who are in a relationship (same thing?). If people are providing false info just to get more cuddle opprtunities that needs reporting.
there are pros on here who are willing to cuddle "anyone" and dont worry about status. Its not our place t jusdge unless we are fnding false information and then im with you. Im single but happy to cuddle those in a relationship
Wow. This one, am I reading his name correctly? Surprisingly he hasn't filled out anything.
I think i know what he wants to do
I wonder if it's fact or just an opinion of his skills?
Only one way to find out
@PaulaDahla I seriously read that along the lines of "zo-fk u ugly" (Had to re-read it like 15 times ???)
ha ha ha ha haa...! That's dedication to figuring it out.
Oops. No. Reported
I don't have the heart to report her. She is certain of her preferences though.
@chococuddles will you?
@PaulaDahla Don't feel too bad about reporting people with those kinds of profiles; it can be a cover for prostitution.
CC is a rare safe place on the internet for platonic cuddling, and it's worth reporting people to maintain that.
What does coding only with $$$ mean? Nvm. I'll Google it. Just joined today. The other 5 pictures are just as interesting.
Very beautiful pictures though FlexiLady. But I have seen a few contortionists in my time and they have no issues with wearing something to cover their "ass"ets.
I've pulled muscles tying my shoes..
Haha. Right? Oh so such artistic photos though, absolutely beautiful.
@laylanie can you imagine a cuddle with that? Yikes. I'd be slightly afraid of what got circled and squeezed.
Kinda reminds me of a boa constrictor!
Not inappropriate perhaps but just read a profile that said "Lonely and bored out of my mind". That was it, the sum total of her thoughts.
As a Pro I get messages from profiles that lack all kinds of info. no bio, no picture! At some point it gets very frustrating!
@Candy26 non pros on this site aren’t required to have a personal pic. Most that don’t have one are probably doing it for privacy reasons. Everyone’s privacy should be respected.
Yes, I consciously chose to not upload a photo of my face. I've learned through personal experience that it's better to be safely anonymous until you've vetted the individual. It's nobody's business what I look like except if we've scheduled a time and place to meet.
@Biblioromantic I think that's a great idea honestly. After all this is non sexual in every sense. So when arranging to meet a cuddle client your actual picture shouldn't be as large of an issue.
If a client won't agree to make an appointment based on a vetting process until they've seen your physical body I would worry about what sorts of cuddles they are actually looking for.
Someone sent me a message asking me to communicate off site. She provided an email address and stated that we could exchange photos and see if it will lead to an LTR (long term relationship). I did not report this person. I just blocked her. I don’t know if it’s a photo of the person, so this person could be a man. There is a spelling error on the job portion of the profile which leads me to believe that this person’s native language is not English. Also, the way this person wrote e m a i l with spaces in between the letters leads me to believe that this person is trying to avoid detection.
Merged topics. [Mark]
SCAMMER... I see a couple of these a month, I just report them and let the mods do their thing.