Member Interviews

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  • Interview with happybear

    @happybear is a male non-professional in New York.

    What brought you here to Cuddle Comfort?

    I found out about this by seeing an article in a magazine about a cuddle party in NYC. I thought that it sounded interesting, and in researching events the search showed Cuddle Comfort and several other sites. The others had only pros and I thought this one was the best fit for me.

    I read everything on the site, the rules / forums from the start or at least what interested me, and found a local pro that had the most Karma and who had been on here the longest and gave it a shot. That first experience showed me that touch and cuddling comfort was missing in my life and how much it meant to me. It was an unbelievable experience.

    Why is cuddling important in your life?

    It is a place where I can go to clear my mind, focus on relaxing, connect to others, share space, be validated and validate another’s comforting needs too. Where there is no other expectation, no baggage, no history, where there’s deep communication. Where time goes by fast, you meet people and hear others’ perspectives that would have never crossed paths by any other means and share time in their arms for that moment.

    What have you learned through cuddling?

    I have learned so much from being on this site: about my love language by following a link to www.5lovelanguages.com and my personality type from www.humanmetrics.com. I learned a lot about myself. The introspection of what makes me tick, what’s important to me, what and how I was programmed, how to change, experience new things and expand, grow and learn. I learned that no one will advocate for your needs more than you advocating for them. To hyper-focus in someone’s arms, it’s relaxing almost meditative, relaxing to the point of hearing your heartbeat and breathing in a relaxing way and hearing your cuddle partner breathe and sigh.

    You have sometimes talked about self care. Tell us your thoughts about that.

    As Care Givers, Fixers, Nurturers, Cuddlers where energy is exchanged, it’s so important to find balance in your life that you have things in place that allow you to recharge. Whether it be a hobby, a massage, a day out in the sun, spa time, ME TIME or whatever it is, CUDDLING too - so you get to recharge, relax, heal. The same goes for work / play balance. There will always be stressors that take from your time and draw you in negatively. You need to balance that out, not get sucked in - DISENGAGE.

    It starts by eating better, sleeping, a routine, monitoring caffeine and sugar intake, support systems. Health is not just physical, it’s mental, emotional and spiritual also.

    Do you have any thoughts on the cuddling community?

    I find the cuddling community to be amazing. The depth and openness of everyone here to share their thoughts, feelings, communicate their needs and wants, advocating for themselves for connection and touch is amazing. It governs itself, the machine adapts to keep people safe, and modifies its programing to streamline tasks and operations. When like minded individuals join a cause or hobby and show passion, care, compassion, it extends far past this site; it makes the world a smaller place.

    Lots of thing make me happy in this world - this site makes me a happybear. :)

    What kinds of things do you look for in a professional?

    I try to pick professionals who show they are compassionate, affectionate and want to be held as much a being there for the one they are cuddling. I try to get a jist of their personality through their writing in their profile, pictures, and when ready from a phone call - it’s part of my vetting process, it’s required. I found to hear a voice, its inflections gives me the best verification as to how the session will go. The dialogue needed is so important in a cuddle session to me. Spending time with someone you know minimally, I rely on their ability to communicate with me and viceversa.

    I like a pro that can lead or follow and be comfortable with either. I like an active cuddler whose hands are constantly touching as much as mine - it gives me the feeling I’m with a cuddling partner, and we are in it together for that period of time. I like one who gives as much as receives, and spending time together is relaxing for them too. I tend to be more of a giver and like to massage backs while arms are wrapped around one another, legs intertwined, and run my hands through their hair. It’s very relaxing for me to see someone relaxing too.

    What do you like to do in a cuddle session?

    I like to talk for a few minutes and start with a few sitting cuddle positions (my favorite sitting cuddle position is mama bear-papa bear). It’s a good ice breaker for each to get comfortable in one’s space, one’s arms, and to touch. After a bit, transition to laying down cuddle positions - the tangle and the side tangle are my favorites - and jump through several others, each position giving opportunities to hyper-focus on breathing, relaxing, feeling, being encompassed in someone’s arms and space.

    We also take some breaks, drink water, go to the bathroom. I bring something sweet or food sometimes, or order in. Ideally it should be fun and playful. I’ve brushed people’s hair, read to them, played card games (mentally stimulating me is a great one), just held a hand for a long time because that’s what the person needed. I’ve talked about life, dreams, hope, future, likes, art, passions; cried and napped with several too.

    An ideal cuddle session for me is: both of us being present, being in positive mindsets, looking for cuddle comfort, to enjoy 2-10 hours together - the more time the better lol, to make it a spa day / hugfest. Communicating about anything and everything. Sharing some food or eating something sweet makes it more complete. Watching a movie with some popcorn is great too.

  • Interview with Sashamcgee

    @Sashamcgee is a female professional in Hazleton, Pennsylvania. "Sasha is my real first name and I went through a phase where everyone was _____ Mcgee, so it just became my go to username."

    You love travelling and new experiences. Could you tell us some memorable ones?

    I really have had so many memorable trips. I went to Germany, Switzerland, Austria and Liechtenstein when I was a junior in high school and they are such beautiful countries and I saw such amazing things. I doubt I will ever forget that trip.

    One of the most memorable ones was when I crossed into Canada by myself for a day trip. I ended up going to a French quarter ... I don't speak French. The real problem came when I was getting ready to leave and realized I have no international plan, meaning I had no way of using GPS to get home! I ended up figuring out how to get some free wifi in French lol and it mapped my course for me! Silly me ... I still don't plan ahead. ?

    It sounds like you have always been a cuddler. Was there a point where you started cuddling people outside your family?

    Hmm I think in high school. I was in the marching band and we were all really close and would ride the bus to and from games and I'd be cuddled on my friends shoulders or laps lol.

    You have said that people here are looking for affection and unconditional love. Can you say some more about that?

    I think we are all looking for affection and unconditional love, even if we aren't cognizant of it or if we couldn't verbalize it. That feeling of security knowing someone will love you even if/when you screw up.

    How long have you been a professional?

    It has been a little over a year now. Although I did take a break for a little. I have found it gives me a tad of anxiety but overall it's been really great at helping me overcome some of my shyness and fear of rejection which has been amazing.

    Do you find that clients know what to ask for, or do you tend to suggest things?

    I have a lot of first time cuddlers who have no idea what they want or how to ask for it. I typically ask them to give me their expectations so that I have an idea what they are looking for. If they don't know then I give them ideas. And a lot of them ask me to just lead the time. Typically people just react in the moment once we have begun cuddling and it's just a natural exchange of breathes and caresses.

    If you were the client, what kinds of things would you ask for?

    Head pets all the way! That's one of my very favorite things in the whole world. Maybe some palm tickles because I love those too. ?

    What kinds of skills would you want to pass on to a new professional cuddler?

    I honestly wouldn't know where to begin. I feel like what makes people successful in this are the soft skills, natural things you can't teach very easily.

  • Interview with Bles

    @Bles is a non-professional woman in Taneytown, Maryland. I'm on a journey to count my blessings everyday. The word 'Bles' felt like it aptly captured that spirit and mindset that I'm currently in.

    Tell us a bit about Bles.

    I am a former school teacher who is passionate about mental health and cardiovascular disease, loves to read and learn new things. I'm especially interested in learning how to use breathing to manage anxiety and low moods.

    I like practicing yoga, listening to music (all types), playing board games (especially Monopoly and Scrabble), walking outdoors and volunteering in the community. No pets right now. I hope to reconnect with a cat soon; I love cats and dogs as pets.

    Were you always a cuddler, or is it a more recent thing in your life?

    Cuddling is a recent passion for me. I dabbled as a hugger and snuggler. I didn't know it as "cuddling". My interest in it grew during periods of celibacy and aloneness as a way to live and grow.

    What do you value most about cuddling?

    I mostly value the physical intimacy and social and emotional connection that one gets from touching and communicating with another person.

    How do you most like to cuddle and be cuddled?

    I mostly love to cuddle chest to chest, face to face with feet entwined and both our hands getting busy all over the back, arms and thighs and head. I'm all about active lively cuddling.

    When I cuddle I like to talk about topics that keep the energy flowing. So it's usually about favorite foods, places to go, favorite activities to do, sharing funny stories about mishaps or some weird experience or just everyday slips and bloopers that we remember and share a good laugh about. Anything that keeps us blissfully focussed on the act of cuddling.

    How has your experience been here on Cuddle Comfort so far?

    So far I've had mixed cuddle experiences. Mostly positive. I'm still learning and growing. From the community it's been the same. Mostly authentic feedback from the forums. The folks on this site are poignantly blunt in their comments. I like it. I may not agree but I like it. I am often amused.

    What are some experiences that weren't so positive?

    A negative cuddling experience for me is where someone continues to touch me in a way I already clearly stated I do not wish to be touched. Or just is generally very passively involved in the experience even after we discuss what our expectations are. I've had someone continue to writhe his body against mine despite being repeatedly told not to do so. I respectfully ended the cuddle session at that point.

    Another person just wanted total silence all the the time and no talking. So I honored honored her request and kept a running documentary in my head about a day I had at a river bed as a child with my dog, Brimmer to deal with the boredom.

    You once mentioned "learning from the cuddle experience". What kinds of things does that include?

    I've learnt that I need to be more consistent and clear in communicating with others, how to receive touch, give and receive verbal feedback and to mindfully enjoy as opposed to just tolerating.

    I don't always communicate using language that others understand. So I am learning new sets of words to describe specifically what I want and how I feel about being touched in a particular way. I'm learning about touch words in terms of degree; for instance, soft, gentle rub or massage. Or hard steady rub. Or a loose or tight hug.

    And in terms of setting boundaries and expectations, just using specific words that describes what I need or want from someone. For instance saying I need you to hold me here (a specific place or way) and demonstrating. Or that I prefer you to text me only if you're checking in to see if I'm okay. Just being specific in using words as well as being open with the other person.

    Also to be comfortable with silence in between cuddle conversations and messaging or texting conversations. Initially when someone is getting to know you you both tend to communicate more often. As time goes on the frequency wants and tapers off, often quite suddenly. And it's something one has to adapt to. I've learnt to take it as it comes without completely tuning out the person to the point of losing interest. So I'm learning how to balance.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
    edited October 2019

    Perception is best left in in the eyes of the beholder. When it's put on camera it becomes real. And that vision that becomes reality stays. Fortunately or unfortunately. Sometimes the projection does a terrible job of presenting a reality. Just one of those things. This is probably the worst interview I could possibly give anyone. I have probably given the worst projection of myself any human being could possibly give him or herself. It's another lesson, another teacher, another guide on this journey called life.

  • I never knew about these interviews until someone linked to this page from a discussion today. Wow, great resources!

  • @respectful is the BEST!!! I always say that his posts are a must for newcomers.

  • edited July 16

    I loved reading these interviews
    @happybear all these feels👇🏼🥰🥰

    To hyper-focus in someone’s arms, it’s relaxing almost meditative, relaxing to the point of hearing your heartbeat and breathing in a relaxing way and hearing your cuddle partner breathe and sigh.

  • @Melomaniac9
    glad you liked my interview, its been almost two years ago since the interview, my sentiment and connection with cuddling hasn't changed , maybe more enhanced and comfortable. blessed to be part of this community.

  • edited August 5

    Hello everyone! Hope everyone is well 😊. This awesome thread was started by our good friend @respectful nearly 4 years ago. His last interview of a member of CC was late in 2019. We have had so many people join since then I think it’s time for another round of meet your Cuddle Comfort fellow member. If you think of someone you would like interviewed please let him know. I forwarded him a few people I’d like to see interviewed. He interviews clients, enthusiasts, and pros. So check your messages from him in case you hear from him. It’s entirely painless and a lot of fun to read them. Hope you’re all having a great day and stay safe out there 😊

  • Were these interviews done by phone, virtually, or face to face?

  • In lieu of sticky-ing this thread (because of concerns with mobile/handheld viewability and space), I wonder where we can place this permanently, perhaps somewhere in the FAQs? Any suggestions would be much appreciated - my coffee is still kicking in.

  • Wow I'm reminded that I owe mr respectful some answers that I was too overwhelmed to edit for verbosity at the time. Whoops. 😬

  • edited August 5

    The interviews were done by email or rather thru DM @respectful would give you a list of questions as a guide you could follow or not. He gave total freedom to answer or not answer anything or you could ad lib if you wanted too

  • edited August 5

    @Sideon @squeakytoy

    1) Make the Professional Requests board a full board, rather than a sub-board of Cuddle requests

    2) Create a new Board called The Library. All threads on this Board will be stickies i.e. only mods can create new threads there, although everybody can post as normal within an existing thread.

    3) Transfer to The Library:

    • This thread (Interviews)
    • Cuddling discussions and resources
    • This hasn't sat well
    • Inappropriate profiles
    • Why is there such a disparity in price

    and probabaly a few others as well, that aren't currently stickied.

    4) Reorder the list of Boards (it's in the top right hand corner on my laptop) to:
    Cuddle Requests
    Professional Requests
    General
    Professional Cuddling
    The Library

    Experienced members will know where the threads they want are, so they will be fine.

    This will give a clearer structure for new members. (For example, new members are not currently helped by the Inappropriate profiles of This hasn't sat well threads.)

    Fewer stickies at the top of some Boards will help layout on mobiles. But it means we can have more stickies overall, which is what you are trying to achieve.

    @CuddleDuncan - we'll defer to @Mark on this. I'll add this to the "how to improve this site" thread. [-Sid]

  • @biancalovecraft ! Gasp. You didn’t answer @respectful questions? 😳

  • Great work!! Have to read them again. Answers a lot of questions.

  • Awwwwwwww @OhioMike what a FANTASTIC IDEA!!!! You are so brilliant! That's why we are so thankful for you OG type cuddlers.

    @Sideon @respectful has the "Member Interviews" nested under "Your Fellow Cuddlers" and it is stickied at the top.
    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/2711/cuddling-discussions-and-resources/p1
    I know that when I first joined I read everything there. (Plenty of people don't research the site but I found it and was so thankful for all of the info he compiled. Very very VERY helpful for this girl.)

    @CuddleDuncan maybe all of THAT info should be in "ways the site could be improved" That way we can leave this "member interview strictly toward that end. :)

    @houdini2019 this beautiful human lives in Australia!! Maybe we should all hop over there and do a face to face interview!!! That would be so fabulous! but Mike knows!! (since he was interviewed.... and this was Certainly PRE-ZOOM but that would be fun if someday we have a video outlet.) 😊

    Again..... What a super fun idea! I read through them all and it gave such insight to lots of people including different demographic and intention, purpose for choosing this outlet, etc..... I think its the first time I realized I fell in love with @Sideon 🥰😘💓 So swoooooony!!!

    it is in our flexibility, not rigidity that truly expresses our strengths

  • edited August 5

    4) Reorder the list of Boards (it's in the top right hand corner on my laptop) to:
    Cuddle Requests
    Professional Requests
    General
    Professional Cuddling
    The Library

    What's the reason behind this? AFAICT the Cuddle Requests forum is a pointless wasteland, mainly populated by people who appear to be mentally ill. Not a great impression to give first time visitors to the forum.

  • I appreciate the enthusiasm @OhioMike. :)

    @houdini2019 "Were these interviews done by phone, virtually, or face to face?" -- just by text. The questions usually come from things the person said on the forum or their profile.

    @Sideon This thread is referenced in the forum FAQ under General > How can I learn more about this site.

    @biancalovecraft No pressure!

  • @respectful 😊 victim of perfectionism. I'm a scatterbrain and didn't want to Faulkner.
    @OhioMike I did answer some questions! It just became a meandering and long correspondence with an interesting penpal. You know how when you really like talking with someone the conversation goes in 27 directions at once

  • @biancalovecraft I'm the "king of meandering" lol Hope to see your interview here sometime :)

  • Interview with CharlesThePoet

    @CharlesThePoet is a male cuddler in Colorado.

    You have an unusual ability: putting people and babies to sleep with your drumming while they snuggle up to you. How does that work?

    I’ve been a percussionist for about 30 years, and a professional for a bit more than 20. I play hand drums from “the Silk Road”, which is basically India, the Middle East, the Balkans, the Mediterranean, and North Africa. I specialize in frame drums, and with my long arms and large hands, gravitated to the larger ones, from 21” to 24” in diameter and 2” to 5” in depth.

    These drums have deep, rich resonance, with wonderful tritones (true tone, over tone, and under tone). When people speak of “trance music” that sub-genre has its roots in deep, nearly subsonic driving rhythms.

    Basically, through developing my tone, technique, and tempo I learned to produce “trance tones” that tap into theta states. I play until my rhythm is matched by the listener, which happens more or less naturally if I hold a steady beat long enough. Then, when I can see that they have matched their breathing to my playing I get a little tricky and “drift away”, playing very gradually softer and slower, with less and less contrast. They simply follow along, subconsciously, and their bodies natural response to a slowing heart rate, steady breathing, and theta state is to sleep.

    The real trick is not falling asleep myself. Because I do use this exact technique on myself to fall asleep nightly, simply “drumming” on my chest, which has an admittedly nice tone.

    You also make warm fuzzy beautiful things ...

    Crochet! This is pure fun for me! I first started crochet about two years ago.

    I was hoping to have something relaxing to share with my mom. A hobby to give us a thing to talk about besides her medical stuff and my personal life. She is an avid hat and scarf maker (she donates dozens of finished items a month to cancer treatment centers and women’s/children’s shelters), so I decided to have her teach me to crochet. Turned out to be a perfect idea.

    And it turns out being a pattern oriented, math nerd, color mutant with strong hands helps you to be a crochet artist. I do everything from hats and scarves to blankets to amigurumi to custom items. I donate or sell my amigurumi to places that shelter kids and adults with spectrum and/or PTSD issues. I make them specifically to be colorful, mythical/sci-fi, and textured to allow the holder to have something to focus on and fidget with.

    I also love doing blankets, scarfs, and hats because who doesn’t want a warm snuggly thing that’s also colorful and beautiful? It’s one of the ways I try to make the world nicer than I found it, which is really my only important goal in life.

    image image
    image image
    image image

    You’ve had both negative and positive experiences of touch in your life. What are you hoping for in a cuddle?

    Whew this is a difficult question. It’s one of those “three words or three thousand words” answers ...

    Three words:

    Attention, Affection, Comfort.

    Three thousand words:

    Growing up I came from a very martial family, and once I hit puberty I was essentially shuttled over to the men in the family, and learned athletic and fighter stuff.

    So, while I had lots of positive physical affection from my Mom, Grandma, and Aunts when I was a child, from twelve years old and on my experience of touch was either competition, handshakes or violence. It wasn’t until I retired from being a professional thug and transitioned into becoming a musician that I began interacting with other men in gentle, affectionate, physical ways.

    As far as what I am looking for in a cuddle, probably what everyone else is looking for. Affectionate attention, comfort, affirmation, the pleasure of a friendly human presence, all those primate happy chemicals ...

    It’s been a long time since I have had that with anyone that isn’t my Mom, who I act as a full time caregiver for. Mostly because I don’t have time and space to devote to a relationship, and of course recently because of the pandemic.

    I appreciated your statement that “boundaries are not negotiated, they are respected”. Can you expand on that?

    It might seem like a rant, but this is something I find ubiquitous in our “culture”, and very frustrating.

    We are a consumer driven, competitive, transactional capitalist society. This permeates virtually every relationship, including brand new and developing ones. And it leads to the concept of “getting what you deserve” from other people, which is essentially entitlement with a shopper’s mindset. The idea that you can “negotiate”, AKA, “bargain down” someone else’s personal boundaries is a crazy byproduct of all of those cultural preconditions.

    Reminding myself that I cannot negotiate someone else’s sense of self, need for safety, or personal preferences is very important to me. Otherwise that cultural indoctrination rears it’s ugly head and I’m suddenly trying to be the hero in my own movie and can easily begin treating others like sidekicks, plot devices, or story goals.

    If I find someone’s boundaries, sense of self, and/or personal preferences too restrictive or distasteful then my choices are to change MY boundaries, or politely say, “Thank you, but no thank you.”, and go seek elsewhere. But trying to “fix” them is simply frustration, heartache, and jackassery waiting to happen ...

    You’ve mentioned having PTSD. What is the best way to approach someone with this condition?

    I hesitate to speak for anyone else that suffers from PTSD. We are all individual, and while there are some general symptoms and triggers, most of those things vary a great deal from person to person.

    That said, speaking for myself, random loud noises, large, sudden, physical motions, and angry confrontations are all triggering. That doesn’t mean I will “flip out” or “lash out” when those things happen, but my self-control will definitely take me out of the moment, put me on alert, and probably cost me sleep the next night or three.

    Some of my PTSD is rooted in direct violent attacks, and some on a terrible illness I survived about a decade ago.

    Probably the most important thing for people around me to be is patient, and to try not to take my symptoms personally.

    (Continued)

  • edited August 8

    (Continued from above)

    Any thoughts on the cuddling community here on CC?

    It certainly has more than its fair share of kind, generous, and patient people. I’ve had an unexpected number of people reach out to me in messages, and they have all been incredibly friendly.

    The forums have a normal amount of trolls and troglodytes, but @sideon and @squeakytoy do a truly commendable job moderating. And there are more than a few community members whose positivity is amazing, and inspiring.

    I honestly check the forums a bit too often, waiting for the next tasty morsel.

    Is there a piece of writing you would like to share?

    My poetry tends to be about anxiety, depression, heartbreak, and isolation. So that said, here’s one inside a spoiler tag:

    And each old memory
    Falling into the deep

    A series of diver masks
    Faces trapped inside
    Each faceplate breaking
    Into a shark toothed grin
    And the water rushes in

    And each broken mask
    Falling into the deep

    The blues to greens
    To grey to black
    Swirling in darkness
    Terror scattered bliss
    And the deep abyss

    And each stain of color
    Falling into the deep

    My hands heavier
    Than my head
    Than my heart
    This leaden ring
    And heavier than anything

    And each lost emotion
    Falling into the deep

  • edited August 8

    @CharlesThePoet great job. Great interview. For those thinking of interviewing with @respectful did you enjoy the experience? Any reservations?

  • @OhioMike

    I had a great, if slightly nerve-wracking time.

    @respectful is EXACTLY that, as well as supportive, informative, and super nice.

  • Good. I was hoping to hear that. It’s hard to talk about yourself like in an interview setting

  • AWWWWWW YAY for member interviews!!!!!
    @respectful you are such an amazing human! 😊 Thank you @CharlesThePoet for being a willing (if nervous) participant!

  • edited August 8

    @respectful thank you for this interview with one of my favorite humans on here🤩
    @CharlesThePoet did I tell you that you are absolutely awesome 🤩🫂

  • This is awesome. @CharlesThePoet , you are a paradigm of the vulnerable masculinity the world is longing for. Thank you for sharing.

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