What is virtual Cuddling? I’ve had FaceTime but I’ve never had a paid customer for virtual cuddling but someone’s asking so I wanna make sure I’m doing it right
I want to write a guide to virtual cuddling so I can post it and direct people to it in the future. It keeps coming up as a question. For those of you who offer video sessions, what do you do? What kind of exercises and activities are the most valuable?
I've posted a "what should we call" this thread on the General board, but I'm posting this here in order to communicate with the people who actually do this, and try and avoid some of the comments from the negative vibe merchants.
Thank you.
This post is a work in progress, as I find stuff and drop it in here. Will tidy it up in due course.
CanyonRidge Gallowglass xelda GracieGirl RamanAngel Bles inparadise xandriarain
Talking can be an important part of it, but you are not just sitting there having a chat.
One of the exercises I found good was pretending to hug. We both stand and wrap our arms around ourselves. Shut your eyes and pretend you are hugging the other person. If you keep your eyes open, look at each other and smile as you hug yourself imaginging it's the other person, that's good too. This is obviously much more effective if it somebody you have hugged in person. Talking quietly is very helpful at this moment because it helps you feel the presence of the other person. You could talk about good hugs of the past, or just say the things you might normally say in that situation. Or turn the computer volume up and listen to their breathing. I haven't used headphones but you probably should. After a few moments you can just dissolve into silence and feel the hug as best you can. A cushion or cuddly toy might be helpful for some people, although I haven't used them.
Doing breathing exercises together can be good. Any standard de-stressing exercises. Also self-massage, just do it together to create a sense of togetherness. Simply talking about what you are doing is surprisingly effective.
Could you do all this with a friend? Well, yes of course you could, but this is nothing like a chat with a friend. It is a cuddle session, approached in the same way as any other cuddle session, with parallel expectations and behaviours. A virtual cuddle is much more like a real cuddle than it is like an online chat with a friend.
A virtual cuddle is not as good as a phsyical cuddle. But it absolutely, truly does exist and does evoke some of the same feelings as a real cuddle. I strongly recommend that you try a virtual cuddle. Choose your professional carefully, and make sure they have at least a little experience of doing this. Half an hour might be enough for a first session, it was for me. There's no harm in trying - you are gaining a new experience, and the worst thing that can happen is nothing. Is it all as good as a real cuddle? No, of course not. It is much better than nothing? Oh, yes. In other words it doesn't really matter. What you are trying to do is create a sense of peace, intimacy, togetherness and care, just like a physical cuddle.
What we did was various self-massage (head and neck) and breathing exercises together. At her suggestion I shut my eyes and pressed my palm with my other thumb as if she was doing it. (It's a thing she does.) The part I found best was hugging myself while she did the same, and then gently swaying together as if we were actually hugging. The swaying together was my idea and didn't work all that well due to the time delay, but still ....
Overall it was a surprisingly beneficial experience. It worked, it really did.
It varies enormously from person to person. I have found that, even though you might be doing something to yourself (stroking, massage, hugging) the presence of the other person makes a huge difference. You can hear their voice, you can see them and they are probably doing the same thing as you. They are very present, and that turns out to be a Thing.
If you don't believe that their presence makes a difference to how you will feel, consider this. Dealing with an intimate itch in private is one thing: dealing with it if there is somebody looking at you is quite another.
To me, intimacy means creating a safe space. Not just physically, not always romantically, but safe to be ourselves. When I chat with these people, it immediately establishes that safe aspect of intimacy. I may miss out on the physical. I don't pretend/fantasize, but I will remember back to the last time I worked with a pro-cuddler. Then, in addition to the safety of the conversation, I do feel myself relax into that same physical posture or state-of-being. So, I think that depending on the needs of the person, be it physical contact, or the emotional/relational/mental bonding, with virtual cuddling your mileage-may-vary.
I've done different things like do a guided meditation together; close our eyes, imagine cuddling and describe the energy and feelings we have about it; get super cozy and hug pillows; watch a synced netflix show together.
I 'lead' the session almost like you would for an exercise class, so that they can focus on their own relaxation,
This could look like me guiding us in a meditation for stress relief or letting go of fear, focused breathwork (using specific patterns of breathing and doing it simultaneously), eye gazing (yeah it’s totally possible to look into each other’s eyes virtually), and other connection practices.
So absolutely. Virtual cuddling is a thing. Connection is the buzzword. Physical touch is just one of those modalities in cuddling. Emotional and mental connection is another. And often the first stage before one ever gets to physical touching someone
Virtual cuddle has become an important part of my cuddle routine in the past few months. I have personally done the eye gazing and cleansing breath work with fellow enthusiasts
cuddling is (as far as I have seen and practiced) about 50% physical and 50% emotional intimacy.
A few cuddlers have implemented eye gazing, asmr, guided self touch, etc, to make virtual sessions have more therapeutic value. I personally have stopped offering virtual sessions due to low demand, too many inappropriate requests and not feeling as in my element as I do with in person sessions.
First use of the term on this site: "Anyone on here who also loves cuddling virtually? Not as good as the real thing but it's still comforting." xboxgamr000214 December 2016
I am so confused... 🤔
Seems like finding a common ground for what one means by a, "virtual cuddle" may be impossible because they are as different and individualized as the ones offering them. Much like how in person cuddle sessions are advertised ~ There are many similarities in their services/styles but many differences too. And yet they're all considered "cuddles".
I wonder though... Does there really need to be a canned response to the question? People have inquired a number of times about what one is... With things always evolving, and different people engaging in conversations, isn't it nice to have an array of answers? Because, again, it's not the same for everyone.
Anyway, I don't quite understand the drive to write a guide, or to put these practices into a well defined box... But I think you could potentially satisfy the need by saying something like...
The giving and receiving of Virtual Cuddles has evolved over time, from written letters and phone calls, to now being shared through one-on-one video calls online, through platforms like Skpe or Zoom. Physical touch is just one modality for cuddling, emotional and mental connections others. Additionally, much like a physical cuddle, there are a variety of things that may take place during a virtual cuddle session and, depending on the participants, may vary greatly. There are some who offer virtual cuddle sessions that are therapeutic in nature, where a variety of relaxation and grounding techniques may be used (eye gazing, ASMR, guided self-touch, focused breathwork, tapping, meditation, yoga, energy exploration, etc.) all to increase one's sense of well-being. While other connection practices might include playing instruments, singing together, games, watching a movie, reading aloud, chatting, etc. Finding what one is searching for may take time. As one explores cuddling (virtual and physical) it is advised they be open minded, curious and patient. To take time reading profiles, in asking questions, and searching the forums for more information. No matter the type of cuddle (virtual or physical) there are similarities between them. Like the hope of creating a meaningful human connection though care, trust and emotional intimacy. May we all find what we're here for.
The giving and receiving of Virtual Cuddles has evolved over time, from written letters and phone calls, to now being shared through one-on-one video calls online, through platforms like Skpe or Zoom.
Physical touch is just one modality for cuddling, emotional and mental connections others. Additionally, much like a physical cuddle, there are a variety of things that may take place during a virtual cuddle session and, depending on the participants, may vary greatly.
There are some who offer virtual cuddle sessions that are therapeutic in nature, where a variety of relaxation and grounding techniques may be used (eye gazing, ASMR, guided self-touch, focused breathwork, tapping, meditation, yoga, energy exploration, etc.) all to increase one's sense of well-being. While other connection practices might include playing instruments, singing together, games, watching a movie, reading aloud, chatting, etc.
Finding what one is searching for may take time. As one explores cuddling (virtual and physical) it is advised they be open minded, curious and patient. To take time reading profiles, in asking questions, and searching the forums for more information. No matter the type of cuddle (virtual or physical) there are similarities between them. Like the hope of creating a meaningful human connection though care, trust and emotional intimacy.
May we all find what we're here for.
Just my $0.73 idea...
Thank you @quixotic_life that's really helpful. I haven't had time to come back to this, and I'm not going to do it today, but I do intend to finish this little project.
My previous post isn't meant to be not confusing, it's really just my notes. At the time I intended to come back later in the day but for some reason I didn't. Now it's a just a shambles of thoughts and quotes, and largely meaningless as it stands.
To answer your question as to why, I think there are a number of reasons.
Firstly, I do want a 'canned response' for people who ask. The meaning of every word or phrase has such a response, which are listed in a dictionary. We don't have a dictionary definition of virtual cuddle, and I want to create one. Like all dictionary definitions, it will evolve ... probably quite quickly.
Secondly, I do want to create a guide. Lots of people have asked about this, and don't really know where to start. A handy compendium of tips and common practices is only going to help them. This means there can be more virtual cuddles in the world, which is a good thing. A good guide does not limit you, it opens your mind to new possibilities.
Thirdly, there are a surprisingly number of people who are very keen to smash down virtual cuddling and stop it before it starts. I do not want them to succeed. Their first line of attack is usually that it doesn't exist. It's much harder to claim that something doesn't exist if you can show a guide on how to do it.
Fourthly, more and more professionals are offering virtual cuddles as part of their service. Hooray. But we need some agreement on what that is likely to mean. If two cuddlers are both offering a virtual cuddle, then there has to be some kind of similarity in what they are doing. At the moment we can't even talk about that because there is no common reference point.
Fifthly - and I'm pretty sure you've gathered that I'm waaaayyyyy beyond answering your question here! - I want cuddling to become a mature industry. To do this, it needs a vocabulary. We need a cuddling dictionary that can be handed in to a regulator with the application for some kind of protected status.
We have a very well defined box for physical cuddling, and I don't see why we shouldn't have one for the virtual kind. Just because a box is well defined doesn't mean it isn't infinitely variable in a myriad of ways.
More random thoughts .....
If you're not explicitly trying to evoke some of the responses of a physical cuddle, it's not a virtual cuddle.
In the middle of a long compansionship call, you could pause whatever you are doing and have a virtual cuddle. You might then go back to the original activity, but you would feel different.
@CuddleDuncan I love this. That was one of the videos that I most liked when first doing my own research on virtual cuddles. I agree we should have guidelines, especially on a site dedicated to cuddles. I know I spent a good amount of time researching and trying to come up with my own style before offering it as a service. This could be a great tool to help others get started. Guidelines aren’t rule books; everyone can adapt it to fit their unique style and comfort just like we do with in-person cuddles.
I'm glad I found this thread. Someone asked if I do virtual cuddles & I declined b/c I thought they wanted a web cam show...I wasn't sure how a virtual cuddle session would work & assumed they were seeking something sexual. I appreciate the education, perhaps I'll open myself up to doing virtuals in the future!
This is a question that comes up a lot and there are lots of threads on virtual cuddling that have input from both pros and clients. You should scroll through both the pros-only forum and the professional cuddling forum. Here are a few:
PROFESSIONAL CUDDLING FORUM: May 2021: Virtual cuddle sessions - your opinions please March 2021: Does anything virtual have a place here in CuddleComfort Feb 2021: "Virtual cuddling?" Dec 2020: How do you virtual cuddle? Oct 2020: Virtual Cuddling Sept 2020: Virtual Cuddles - The Price is Right? Sept 2020: virtual cuddles!! really?? Aug 2020: virtual session Jun 2020: Virtual Cuddling Mar 2020: Virtual Cuddling in the Midst of the Pandemic? Apr 2019: Do Virtual Cuddles Work?
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/11452/what-you-do-during-a-virtual-cuddle#top
@CuddleDuncan, thank you for that link. I’ll add it to my list. I really feel like we need a virtual cuddling mega thread
Oh I’m so sorry I didn’t give anybody any feedback I didn’t know that my question went through I couldn’t find it. Then I was talking to green eyes so I was going to look again. Let me read through them when I have time thank you for answering that question
I have a question how does virtual cuddling work and how is the payment process handled because if you have one of those money apps they take a percentage of your money and they charge you for using their App just thought I would put this out there
@shadow1992 They may take a fee, but just like your Cuddle Comfort fee, you would deduct it as an expense on your taxes.
I once videochat with 2 of my friends on discord. I did a story time, it was a first for me and with my french accent I was a bit nervous honestly to read out loud in english. But it went well and they ask for more after the 1st story was done. I endend up reading for almost an hour and by the end they both felt deep asleep 😴 I reach out to them afterwards to make sure they didn't felt asleep out of boredom Lmao! 😆 They told me they really enjoy it and my voice was soothing to them, so we end up doing it a few other time afterwards. So if you're looking for something to do during a virtual session, reading might be an interesting option 🤗🤍
I've attended many Virtual Cuddle Parties and have learned alot. Here's some tips I created to help simulate touch through a videoconferenced connection:
Practices that Mimic Touch via Videoconferencing
The Giver is the person providing the touch and is attentive to the instructions voiced by the Receiver. They may ask questions to clarify what is wanted. The Receiver makes the request, leads the interaction, describes what they want, keeps the Giver informed of the effect on them and requests changes as they arise. All practices involve communicating verbally. The more detail the better. This can involve: Descriptions of the touch requested (e.g. pressure, speed and type of movement, position on the body); Sensations in the Giver and/or Receiver (physical sensations, sound, visual experiences, thoughts and emotions in the person describing them); Expressions of satisfaction (e.g. Aaaaahhh, Ooooh!, Mmmmm!); Dis-satisfaction (e.g. Mm..., Ah..., Uh...); Appreciation (e.g. This is great! Thanks!); Need for change (e.g. I need you to ...., I’m done now, thanks!); Offers (e.g. Would you like me to continue? Would you like something else?) and Requests for more (Please continue, that’s great!).
Practices: 1. Imagined touch: The Giver imagines touching the Receiver by placing their hands in front of themselves as if the Receiver were there. Eyes can be open or closed. The Receiver can either touch themselves as they described to the Giver or imagine the touch being received with closed eyes. 2. Self touch: The Giver imagines touching the Receiver by touching themselves as if their body were the Receiver’s. Eyes can be open or closed. The Receiver can either touch themselves as they described to the Giver or imagine the touch being received with closed eyes. 3. Using a Surrogate: The Giver imagines touching the Receiver by touching a surrogate (e.g. Stuffed toy or pillow) as if it were the Receiver. Eyes can be open or closed. The Receiver can either touch themselves as they described to the Giver or imagine the touch being received with closed eyes. In some cases (e.g. a hug) both partners can use a surrogate. 4. Mirroring: The Receiver touches themselves as they would like to be touched. The Giver(s) follow the Receiver’s lead. Eyes stay open in both partners.
PS: Co-created consent is an essential foundation to these practices (see: https:// cuddleparty.com/ or www.creatingconsentculture.com)
I hope this helps,
I like Betty Martin's 3-minute game to provide a safe healthy framework (see: https://bettymartin.org/how-to-play-the-3-minute-game/)
This is excellent @HealingPartner, thank you. I have done a number of these exercises and I can attest to their effectiveness.
Great! If you know of any men who are interested in exploring these practices or Harry Faddis' original version of the 3 minute game with me, please let me know. Even though I'm straight, I feel safest with men. I have a rather challenging childhood trauma history. I think it is deeply healing for us men to become less dependent on women for our emotional and physical nurturing needs. Practices like the 3 minute game among men can help in my experience. @CuddleDuncan
I generally use Skype or Google duo. I accept venmo, PayPal, zelle, or cashapp.
I’ve virtual cuddled a few times and it really depends on what the person needs.
Usually it’s just talking (them) and listening (you). But I’ll always remember this one VC session where a gentlemen’s mom had just passed and he’d asked if I could read her favorite book out loud. He’d even offered to send me extra funds so I could go and purchase the book but luckily I’d already had it in my personal library. It was a very bittersweet session. He thanked me and then deleted his account. To this day I still think and worry about him.
I’ve also had a session where we had a “watch party”. All of the streaming apps allow you to host a watch party and this woman and I watched a scary movie together because though both of us love scary movies, neither of us can sit through them alone. 😂 That was probably my funnest since we both happen to be talkers/ easily scared.
I’m interested in offering virtual chat sessions FT how can I do this ?
I had someone recently ask me for a virtual cuddle it was late at night after midnight j told him I honestly didn’t even know what that would mean and could we chat about it the next day after I reached out to other pros and inquired. He got a lil bit I of an attitude, said he was desperate for one now and when i said I’m sorry i can not help you just said never mind. I notice he had been deleted the next day.
But I’m still confused on the whole virtual cuddle and what exactly it entails?
@sage91436 it involves explicitly replicating the emotions of a physical cuddle by means of a video call. This is acheived using voice and movement: there are numerous execises you can do. It can be astonishly effective.
It is not to be confused with virtual companionship, where you might chat or share an activity.
virtual cuddles are so under rated I love the intimacy of them
Virtual cuddles don’t have to be video. It could just be a call with a cuddler too. Calls could be pretty cool - you literally can talk about anything. It can be an ice breaker for an in person meet up with that person too.
No virtually cuddling is a thing! Now I wouldnt say it is in low demand, you just have to make the person feel comfortable enough to want to video you intimately! What I like to do is put a shared background noise from YouTube. Something like waterfalls & rainshowers& Netflix shows. Something we can both share at the same time. Breathing exercises help. Also going over someone's or eachothers goal planning together is a great tool to virtually cuddling. Then you both can engage and offer advice. List making is also important. I try to be there for that person as much as I can.
I agree with virtual cuddling can be a nice positive upbeat conversation or someone needs to chat and talk about anything
Hey there 😊 as @PrettyLuv mentioned virtual cuddles doesn’t have to be just video. I also enjoy taking calls over the phone or there are clients that like to vent via text. I recently listed this as a service on my profile and it’s been a hit. Happy cuddling.
Virtual cuddling is something I love to give as an option for nervous first clients hesitant to meet up. This is an excellent way to get to know someone, and can even be a bit more realistic if you live in a place that’s a bit too far for cuddle sessions to occur on a weekly basis.
I hope that those who are hesitant to get into virtual cuddling are willing to do a bit of research to what exactly entails during each session— remember to always ask the Cuddler! They will usually be fine with helping you figure out your needs, and be happy to help cater to them!
I’ve successfully conducted dozens of virtual cuddles.
Reported and reviewed. Removing part of comment promoting herself (that’s what the Pro Requests forum is for. [Charlie_Bear]
I have had mostly bad experiences with "virtual cuddling". The guys start talking sexual and wanting to touch themselves. I won't do them unless it is strictly talking about nonsexual things.
I'm so sorry to hear that @RadiantBecca That is just horrible